Reviews for Tsuki no Hikari

BY : setbl


  • From ZeoViolet on May 12, 2016

    I had to read this twice to be sure what it was that I was reading, and for what I know of Japanese to catch up with me here.

    First off, your premise is good, and your ideas interesting.

    I am more familiar than you know of with the pattern of writing as a means to express feelings that won't be released any other way. I've done so in years past. That is what this entire story vibrates, in some ways, with familiarity. And that is okay, to some extent.

    If you intend to write solely for yourself, then be very careful about accepting or rejecting input others provide for you. Sometimes the need to just let it flow is far more important. Do nothing to change that.

    If your intent is to also have others enjoy your story as much as you enjoy writing it, then take anything I say with a grain of salt...feel free to consider or reject it at your own discretion.

    Spelling is obviously not an issue, and neither, to a great extent, is grammar. You have those down pat.

    However, I do urge you to abandon the wall-of-text format. Your paragraphs are much too large; it is too easy to get lost and lose one's place. You hardly need to alter your dialogue; just space it out more so it is less tiring on the eyes. People struggling with walls of text will quickly lose interest.

    Also...and I speak as one guilty of this in the past as well...while I have no problems reading your writing, many others may not be able to as easily digest your...shall we say, overly flowery dialogue? I can tell you love to describe things; so do I. But you have it in overdrive. It lends to the vast headache of a wall of text format. If you wish to keep your descriptive and dialogue stream intact, then, again, pace it better and don't leave wide swaths of description in a big lump that cannot be penetrated.

    Again, I speak from experience. It took a long time and years of experimenting before I found a happy medium that was both me and did not exasperate any readers I had with a low tolerance for description-which to them makes the pace of any story unbearably sluggish.

    To each their own. Do what makes YOU happy first. Again, YOU make the decisions on how you want to both write, and present, your stories. Advice can be good, but never, EVER start writing just to please other people instead of yourself, or you will lose all control of what you are writing...and that is truly sad.

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  • From Macha on December 12, 2015

    I'm looking forward to more chapters of this. :) I liked this first chapter very much. Looking forward to seeing how things develop with the characters.

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  • From ANON - Dryu on December 04, 2015

    You did indeed ramble a bit before allowing us to dig into this particular story; though at the same time did elucidate on things we might not have known. Sounds like life has been particularly hard for you at times; hopefully things will look up for you. And as long as you don't give up, there's a new chance with each new day. You are right about not stressing things; people indeed die doing too much of that.

    I just wanted you to know I am interested in how you will develop this story as I am a huge PiccoloxGohan fan. I also surely hope you find the time and energy to update your others, but do them at your own pace. Most things rushed aren't quality. But, for the most part, you are a quality writer. So just do the best you can when you can; no one can ask more than that, especially for fiction that's free. ^^

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