Memories of Me

BY : Resting-Madness
Category: Beyblade > General
Dragon prints: 561
Disclaimer: Disclaimers: I don't own beyblade in any way shape or form: characters, plots, ideas none of that. And I make no money with this work of fiction.

Zeo's words kept running through cybor Zeo's mind.

"Can you even feel it!"

His words stung, but the look in that boy's eyes is what hurt him the most. They were so desperate, so curious and sincere. He truly wanted to hurt him; and to Zeo that was the way to do it. Hurt him in the horrible way he had been hurt. The off-pink colors on his face, arms, and legs show that he must have been beaten senseless numerous times, but he was sure that Zeo would take the assault any day of the week as long as it didn't end with someone violating him.

Rei had asked him in private that he maybe take it a bit easy on his twin, but he refused. He knew what the boy was like just from looking at him, but he read him all wrong.

"Because I don't want him to send me back."

He cried for the boy remembering those words. Cybor Zeo was bumrushed with emotions spewing from this sad child, all of them being picked up by the, sensative to emtions, beast inside of him. He always sensed the greater emotion over the mask, and it made him sick and sad. It was all too much for him to deal with.

His father had come into the room to find the two of them laying on each other, from where Zeo had cried his self to sleep over top of his immobile body. He pulled the boy off, and Zeo pulled his robe back over. Harushige told him that he must stay and rest, but he couldn't rest. His mind was too busy mulling over this thought and that feeling to get sleep.

He's mad at Dad, but he's afraid to tell him because he thinks he'll hate him and send him back to his kidnapper. He thinks that... that Dad loves me now and he's the one that's easily dismissed, and why wouldn't he be; his father already showed him that he's replaceable by creating me. He frowns. That would be enough to have me paraniod and upset. I've been so stupid.

Zeo scolds his self. Hiding out, getting mad at Ozuma, fearing my Dad... he doesn't even seem like he'd ever think of shutting me down; he even cared about my safety when he fixed my hand. He lifts the once bare of skin hand to his vision and frowned.

Lowering it, he takes a deep breath then sighs. I have to help fix this somehow, I have to make him feel better; I have to be a brother to him. It'll feel weird, twins... but as long as everything turns out ok than how can I be selfish as to let him walk around in fear of me?

His lids droop a bit. Zeo wonders if his body is still a little stressed from the tune up, as he's never fully experienced this great a need to suddenly drift off to sleep.

0 0 0

It was such a sweet dream to have.

Zeo figits beside Ozuma. The two of them are in his bedroom alone together at night, for the first time since they became a couple.

To Zeo it's weird to be dating someone when... when you're not even human. How can Ozuma be happy with him? He'd begun to feel weird around Ozuma, ever since he and everyone else found out about his secret. All those stolen moments of passion the two of them shared in a kiss was nothing compared to the feeling blasting through him right now, but he knows that it would be impossible to excecute them properly.

Blushing, Zeo looks around the room, anything to avoid looking at Ozuma who's pasting pictures in his photo album for him. The dual haired male glanced at him, then turned his head and smiled. "You're tense, what's the matter?"

Rattled that Ozuma noticed, Zeo looks at him with a huge false smile, then he waves his hand. "Nothing, I'm just thinking about something."

Blinking, Ozuma moves the book from his lap to the beaurou beside him. "Hm? What?"

"Nothing!" He said a little too loud. It only made his blush deeper. "Its just that..." He trails off. This is so stupid. He thinks absently. Ozuma isn't even thinking about that, I am. I've gotta stop being so paranoid.

But when he turned his head to tell Ozuma that he was just being weird, the male planted a kiss to his lips. Soft and sweet on both ends. It was weird but, Zeo could swear he felt it. They've kissed before, but Zeo just assumed that he felt it because he knew what it was, he was caught up in the moment. But today it really held something new. Pulling back, he blushed furiously. Ozuma laughed.

"If you wanted to kiss, you could have asked." He smiles secretly.

"How?"

"How what?" Ozuma looks confused.

Closing his eyes, Zeo mutters. "How can you be comfortable kissing me, knowing that it doesn't count."

Blinking, he smiles. "Why doesn't it count?"

"Because I'm not real."

Turning on his side, Ozuma reaches a hand out to touch his love's cheek. "Solid, yet soft." He touches his own face. "Solid and soft. Even a little pudgy." His thumb runs over Zeo's, curiousity frowned mouth. "Soft and wrinkled." He snickers a bit, touching his own. "A bit cracked but still soft."

Zeo laughed. Ozuma is teasing him and he knows it.

"I must be having the best hallucination in the world if you're not real, Zeo." Wrapping his hands around the male's shoulders, he pulls in closer, kissing him when they get face to face.

Parting his mouth he slips his tongue out to open Zeo to him; and the blue haired male complies hesitantly. His mind is going crazy identifying the textures that are touching him. Ozuma's hands, rough yet smooth from training. His tongue so soft, tea mixing with its normally plain taste from having it with dinner; his brain registered green tea before flickering to a texture whether it was the male's mouth, tongue, hands, knee between his thighs he didn't know! But with the way his heart is racing he didn't care. He can feel it. And it feels wonderful.

"Can you feel the warmth of my body against yours, Zeo?" He asks, removing his shirt, merely lifting Zeo's to show his stomach before he lay down on him.

The cybornetic male shuddered. He can feel the weight and exact body temperature of his little lover and his own body was heating up; he felt it stronger when Ozuma's hand landed on the front of his shorts to undo the button.

"Ozuma we can't. It wouldn't work." He pushes him away. Dropping his head; hair shading his eyes, he frowns. "It won't work like it does with other people. Normal people."

Ozuma seemed to think otherwise as he wrapped his arms around Zeo then rolled onto his back with the saddened male over top of him. "This will work. I've thought a lot about it, and I want to give myself to you."

"You do?" He sounds so unsure.

"You may not be human, Zeo, but that doesn't make you any less important to anyone that loves you. It doesn't take you out of existance, it doesn't mean that you don't count. Because you're here with us, alive, and I'd love you even if you were made of paper clips and band-aids."

Zeo laughed, slapping Ozuma on the chest. "Stop making me laugh."

Smirking impishly, he lifts his head from the bed then kisses him. "I'm not doing anything." He kisses him again on the neck.

Zeo closed his eyes, titling his head back.

0 0 0

Zeo's eyes fly open, he's staring at the wall blankly. ...Was I dreaming? Or just remembering? ...What I saw, that was the first time Ozuma and me ever slept together. He turns on his side, the hand that isn't resting on the bed slips underneath his cheek. He continues to think. It was amazing to actually do that. It was so real... I could feel the heat within Ozuma when I entered him. It made my body so hot that it was almost like I were drunk from it; Ozuma really seemed to like it too. It was the first time I ever felt an erection, it was strange and yet natural. ...I sure miss him.

The low bang from someone making contact with the door knob made Zeo shut his eyes. He didn't really feel like talking right now, and maybe if whomever that is sees his eyes closed they'll leave him alone.

The bedroom door pushed open and in walks his father. He looks troubled, older even. Harushige walks to the bed then takes a seat down beside Zeo, the bed sinks in a bit rocking the boy nearly onto his stomach. This was the moment that Zeo was waiting for, to see what his father's true plans were for him.

Dr. Zagart's hand came up from the bed, touching Zeo on the cheek it then moves towards his hair and he pushes it back behind his ears. Running the pad of his thumb along the boy's hair line to the rim of his ears. He then parts his lips a bit touching just the tip of his fingers past them.

Zeo was curious as to what the man was doing, exactly. And, for a moment, he imagines being seven years old. Alone in some strange room, in a weird house with a man that he thought he knew; and just as your allowing yourself to sleep in the weird environment someone comes in and touches you to their delight.

Dr. Zagart's hand gave him a gentle push so he lay on his back, the man parted his robe then ran his hand down along his thighs. When his finger stuck out touching between his buttocks, Zeo felt a wave of nausea hit him, and he wanted to smack the intruding hand away, but he chose to open his eyes instead. His crystal blue locking on to his fathers identical color. Harushige smiles, he seemed to be satisfied with something.

Frowning, Zeo asks. "What are you doing?"

A sad smile appears on the man's aged face. "Nothing Zeta. I was just making sure that you were all right, that nothing happened to you since you were alert inside the machine. I thought that some of the plastic agent might have gotten stuck in your throat while you were screaming because you haven't spoken since then."

"I have... to Zeo." His father's calling him 'Zeta' still stung a bit. He is Zeo. "He's afraid that if he screws up you'll send him back to his kidnapper." He admitted for the boy.

Shocked by that news, Dr. Zagart scratched his beard. "That's ridiculous, why would he think I'd do something like that?"

"Because he's mad at you for abandoning him, and causing all of this to happen in the first place."

"He said this to you?"

"Not in so many words... He may think that if he takes his anger out on you, he's out the door." Zeo blushes faintly then closes his robe over after glancing down and noticing that it was still open. Taking a breath then letting it out he adds quietly. "He's not happy, Dad. Even though he pretends to be, his emotions are going crazy with fear and guilt inside of him."

"I know." Looking down at his other son, Harushige looks pained. "So, it seems that both my sons hate me."

Taken aback, Zeo blinks. "What makes you think I hate you?" His tone is flat.

"Just a feeling."

Zeo never really thought about it, but he may actually feel just that way, like he hates his father for doing all of this. Sending a six year old to the airport alone to have him get kidnapped; creating him in his grief; having him be hated by the child in his return; then scaring him with the thought of not existing anymore.

Watching the boy thinking about something in such a serious way, Harushige asks. "Where have you been, Zeta?"

"Tyson's."

Nodding, the man says. "I thought as much."

Not about to let the man off the hook, he asks. "Why didn't you come for me? Why didn't you call- they're listed."

The man shrugged. "I guess that... I just wasn't thinking clearly about anything or anyone but myself." Looking blankly at the wall, he then cast his gaze on his son. "But, I can see clearly now, Zeta." He closes his eyes, swallowing audibly hard. "Do you want to remain here with us, Zeta? Do you want to continue living with us?"

"By us, you're talking about Him, aren't you?"

Nodding, Harushige says. "Yes. I'm talking about Zeo and myself." Putting a hand on his cybor son's head he caresses the soft threading of hair. "I love you Zeta. Even though my son is back, you've become a part of me that I couldn't live without. Losing you would hurt me just as losing him has hurt me."

His eyes look so sad. Notices the seventeen year old, watching in amazement as a tear rolls down his father's cheek.

"Please... Say that you'll stay."

Its hard and jerking, almost too stiff, but Zeo nods. Though his face is sad, his heart is racing a thousand beats a second. He didn't know that his father was sad that he was gone, he didn't realize anyone's pain but his own. They sort of all were doing that. Zeo feeling rejected by seeing him, feeling alone because his mind is a bit stunted in age; and then his father feeling torn between his son coming back and how it effects him from now on. Ozuma thought only of having his friend back and how he would heal the boy's wounded heart and he, cyborg Zeo, thought only of the idea of never seeing another day with his friends and family. Even the Bladebreakers were caught up in his sorrows. No one is looking at the whole of the situation.

Not anymore. From now on, I start working on everyone and being happy with them all of us being a family together. It'll be weird being called Zeta now, but I'll get used to it if that's what I have to do. He looks at his silently weeping father, his hand coming up to his face to wipe his tears. "Dad, everything is gonna be ok from now on. I'll make sure of it. Zeo and I, we'll be like brothers, and we'll get along and share... don't be sad anymore."

That only seemed to make the man cry, this time audibly. Head tilting down a bit, he shakes his head as if refusing the tears. Zeo can understand what he's feeling: relief.

Grabbing his father's hand he gives it a squeeze. "Go talk to him; let him be mad at you so that he gets it all out, then tell him that everything is gonna be ok." He hesitates a moment then says. "Tell him, he has a big brother that will listen to him, if he needs to talk."

Harushige nods. Getting up from the bed, he gives his son one last look then bends over kissing him on the forehead. "Thank you, Zeta."

The boy nods then watches his father's departure. His eyes then turn toward the long drapes that cover his father's walk on balcony. "You've been there a while. Why didn't you come out... Ozuma."

The Bladebreakers are losing their minds wondering where Zeo is. Its been several hours now and the sun is going down.

Legs crossed, knees rocking up and down, Tyson growls. "Come on you guys! We have to go over there, now!" He insists.

"We can't intrude right now Tyson." Says Rei. "What if everything is fine and they're just sorting things out." He looks over at the impatient male, brows knit close together in stern. "Do you wanna go over there and spoil that? You know that kid is sensative."

"No, I don't know!" Barks the male, hands slamming down onto the floor to show his stern was stronger than Rei's. "I'm not an expert on creeps! And since when were you on His side?! I thought you were friends with Zeo."

"I am friends with Zeo," says Rei then adds. "But that doesn't mean that I can't understand how his human self must be feeling."

"You shouldn't be trying to understand," hissed the Granger boy. "He wants to get rid of Zeo, you said it yourself."

"He's just confused right now, that's all I'm saying!" Rei begins to raise his voice.

Max, is listening to the conversation like its a tennis match, his gaze following the verbal ball back and forth until he finally holds his hands up. "Guys, we can talk circles about this for days but it won't get us anywhere." He interrupts. "Why not just call and see what's going on."

"What if they won't accept?" Asks Rei.

Tyson, who is still fired up says. "How is calling any different than just barging in."

Max gave him his sweetest smile, which was Tate for, 'just zip it, will ya'.

Kai, having had enough, gets up from his place in the corner of the room then leaves.

"I'm with Kai, barge in time." Laughing, he gets up from the floor fist in the air, and rushed outside after the Russian.

"They should stop," says Rei. "They may just end up ruining something if the Zagart's are trying to figure things out."

"Ha. You know Tyson though, once the idea is in his head he's gonna carry it out- no matter what."

"...Yeah." He closes his eyes.

Cocking a brow, Max crawls over to his friend then lays his head on Rei's shoulder. Opening them, the Chinese boy smiles at the blond. After a moment of peaceful silence, Max asks cheekily. "You're seeing Kai aren't you?"

Stuttering, Rei blushed.

"I knew it! You are seeing him." He laughs. "That's so cute, why didn't you ever say anything."

"We couldn't. I mean, we think its great that the two of you are so open about it, but Kai kind of likes his privacy." Rei shrugs. "Nothing personal."

"Not at all," Max wasn't fazed a bit by being discluded. "Besides, knowing Tyson he would never let him hear the end of it with the teasing."

"Aha, I think that was the main reason."

They sit quietly a minute, but again Max is the first to break it.

"Do you think we'll like him?"

"Who?"

"The other Zeo. If they work things out, we can't go on ignoring him- even Tyson has his limits of brushing people off."

With a shrug, Rei says. "I don't know. He seems really nice to me, confused, but he'll get there. He may end up being pretty okay."

"...Yeah."

Tyson is rushing after Kai who is on a steady trek someplace.

"Kai! Hey Kai? Wait up!" He staggers to a stop when the Russian presses his self against a brick wall at the corner. "Kai?" He hears the sniffling before he sees the tears. "Kai, are you... crying."

"Just leave me alone, Tyson," his words are so heavy with tears he can barely get his usual stoic hiss to simmer. "I'm not in the mood for you."

Not offended in the least, though, he does seem to guard his self a bit by the way he swayed on his feet. "But Kai,"

"Just go!"

"No! ...Something's wrong with you, and I'm not leaving until I find out what," his words lower a bit. "Its what a friend would do."

Composing his self, wishing that he hadn't broken down before getting home, he turns to Tyson. Seeing that the guy's set jaw and stance, he can tell that he won't go away as he hopes he will. "Hn. Fine... It's Zeo."

"Yeah, I know. But you don't have to cry Kai- its freaky. We'll get Zeo back." He places his hand on the Russian's shoulder.

"That's the thing, even if Zeo is fine he'll be like me."

Lost. He blinks. "What do you mean? Zeo doesn't have a rod up his ass." He snickers.

"Will you stop with the damn joking, Tyson. I'm serious..." Kai turns away from the Japanese child. "Zeo may get a happy ending, but the pain of change won't leave him. He'll see it, in his home, in Ozuma- in us- we'll all change! Just like me with my friends back in Russia." He looks up at the darkened sky. "We'll be hanging out, everything feels normal one minute and next thing I know I turn my back and everyone exchanges odd glances, and it hurts. It's like you're the butt of some joke but you can't get out of it, you can only pretend it isn't there."

Nodding, Tyson wets his mouth with a lick. "But Kai... We won't look at Zeo any differently."

"Things left unsaid, undone... having the memory. Its a bodily function to think about things that haven't been resolved properly, and its gonna eat us all alive."

Tyson lowers his gaze to his sneakers. Kai was right. He never quite looked at a lot of people with the perfect trust they deserve from just one screw up, but he never thought much of it. He just figured it'll eventually pass.

Kai quitting the team back then, Rei wanting to forfeit matches, all of them for leaving him in the tagteam tournament in general, but he always played it off with a smile whenever the memory crept back up. Will Zeo look at them wondering what they're thinking, when they look at him?

0 0 0

At the Zagart's. Zeo has his diary open to a clean page. The boy barely remembers the things written in it. All of it seeming so long ago at first, then it felt as if it had just happened yesterday. The last entry he made was right before he left... his words so happy and unknowing of what was to come. It was shame on him that he was such a bad kid.

He never noticed how many bad things he said and did until he read it over, older. He was a bad kid and he did have it coming to him... What happened ten years ago. He's had a pen in his hand for the longest time, uncapped and trying to figure out what it is that he wants to write down first. He has so many feelings bottled up inside that he isn't sure what he should put down first.

...Maybe an entry that's just a simple entry. 'Hey diary, its been a long time guess what I did today?' something like that.

Pressing the pen to the paper, he begins his writing.

Hey diary, its me Zeo. How long has it been, right? About ten years in my count. A splattering tear hitting the page caught his attention. He looks at it as if he doesn't know what it is at first, but then he smiles faintly and writes.

How do you always do this to me diary? How do you pull out my real feelings when I just want to keep them hidden. ...If... if you promise not to tell anyone, then I'll tell them to you. Okay? I've got this plan, diary, to become perfect and be as good a kid that I can be so that my father will remember that he loves me and throw this other kid out, Zeta, out. Once he's gone, then maybe I can breathe a little easier and not feel like I'm on trial with my own father.

...At first, I didn't mind Zeta being around. I actually thought it was such an honor to have been missed so much that my father would clone me, but when he said that he didn't plan on getting rid of the robot boy I knew something was up.

He's testing me diary, he's watching my every move to make sure that I'm the perfect son that he wants because if I'm not then its out the door for me, and diary, I'm scared to death of what will happen to me a second time around. Do you know how mad people get when someone leaves when they're not allowed to? Pretty pissed off!

But I'm not just scared, diary, I'm angry and sad. I'm angry at my father for being relieved that I'm back, as if my just being here is enough. He knows he wants more from me, why else do you think he was satisfied with my copy because he was created- perfect. I'm broken, and used and no one not even my own parents want anything to do with me unless I shape up. My own mother won't come and see me... and it makes me so miserable.

More tears spill onto the left and right sides of paper. He runs a hand across his eyes.

I can't stand how my father gets to ease into sleep and wake up refreshed and happy, when my sleep feels like someone has tied a boulder to my feet and pulled me, unwillingly, under only to wake up to another nightmare. I swear it feels so real sometimes that I even found myself hurting my father. But to tell you the truth, I smiled about it. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to see him cry- to feel what I felt to understand that pain and stop judging me for something I did as a kid. I'm not that kid anymore, I've changed and yet, I don't feel a day over seven.

Ha, why can't seven be the new seventeen. Last week I tried to go back to the way things were by calling friends over to hang out, they came but they all stared and whispered about me when my back was turned, then they laughed when I offered to be it while we play hide and seek. Since when was that out of style?

The embarrassment made my penis all stiff, that happens when I'm afraid I've noticed. I touch myself to get rid of it, to show my body that I hate it just as much as Mr. Kaihou did. Would I feel this shame if I were a girl and this happened to me? Or would I feel sexy and wanted? Sometimes I feel that way, is it weird? I just... sometimes when I try to make the evil not so bad I can only see a man, sometimes my father, sometimes Mr. Kaihou because one time... he made it not hurt, it felt... almost good- he even said happy birthday to me in the end.

Thinking about that it almost seems like he's the only one who wants me around... like he was warming up to me. but no! no! He's bad! Bad for what he's done!

His fist slams against the book, head drops to the bed and he takes a few minutes to cry. "Why did he yell at me that night, why did he hug me and cry like it never happened?" He sniffles hard. "Why can't he let me punish him for being bad to me." He sobs silently, though, his breath sucks in audibly hard. "I never was so bad that I couldn't have been spanked to snap me out of it. Why does he hate me!?"

Why won't he take my pain? Is he afraid to see that he was wrong to punish me that way. To abandon me so that it all happened. Does he secretly hate that I'm back? Diary, I feel like life is a big puzzle, and its been completed minus the one piece that's me. I'm trying so hard to smash myself into the puzzle but I can't fit... I won't fit.

My puzzle is old, a completely different picture to the one that's been put together now and I can't fit into it no matter what I do. ...Maybe Zeta should just keep my life, it isn't worth anything to anyone anymore anyway. It won't be so bad- going back, a couple beatings a night. Haha, what do you think. Live in pain of shame, or live with someone who knows how to deal with what he's made and just make the best of it.

I can't go back though... I want to feel love, diary... I want to feel normal.

Zeo cries wet puddles onto his blanket, his body curls into itself. "...Won't somebody... please... help me."

 



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