Memories of Me

BY : Resting-Madness
Category: Beyblade > General
Dragon prints: 561
Disclaimer: Disclaimers: I don't own beyblade in any way shape or form: characters, plots, ideas none of that. And I make no money with this work of fiction.

Ozuma remained by the doors of the balcony, head lowered and eyes closed. For a moment Zeo thought that he hadn't heard him speak, but he had to have. So, quietly, he allowed the distant male to think. But no sooner had Zeo turned his attention to his own thoughts, Ozuma chose to speak up.

"I've been here since you passed me on the street."

Blinking, confused Zeo looks at Ozuma. "When did I pass you on the street?"

"When you were coming over here," he wets his mouth with a single lick. Hesitantly, he steps closer to the bed. "It hurt me when you didn't notice me. It was like you were someone else, someone that I turned you into because I've been acting like such an idiot about everything that's important to me." Looking up he says quickly. "Which is you. I was just... in such a suffocating place with my feelings about what's been going on lately I only saw what was happening with me and didn't really consider you. And I'm sorry."

Listening to Ozuma's scratchy, husky tone, Zeo could tell that he was either near tears or had already been crying, but the thickness in his voice hadn't gone away yet. Sitting straight, he scoots to the back of the bed then a bit to the side.

Seeing this, Ozuma climbs onto Dr. Zagart's enormous bed beside his boyfriend. "When you went down into the basement to get your hand fixed, I freaked out when I heard you screaming. I thought your father really was hurting you but,"

"He hasn't and... I don't think that he would have."

Ozuma cocks a brow. "You worried yourself for nothing, but, I now understand what you meant by being worried at all." Taking the male's hand, he brushed his thumb gently along the back of it. "It was rude and stupid of me to just brush you off because I didn't understand. I should have stayed with you, and we could have come over together when you were ready."

Even though Zeo agreed with Ozuma, he shakes his head. "I shouldn't have been so quick to write my father off. But Ozuma, how could I not react the way I did, he kicked me out without a second thought and didn't try contacting me afterwards. I thought for sure he had moved on since his son came back; but the moment he remembered that I was still out in the world and functioning, he would shut me down and be done with me. My purpose was served, no more," he rolls his eyes at the ridiculous name. "Zeta or whatever."

"I know." He takes a deep breath then lets it out slowly in a sigh. "He's really messed up and, I don't think there's anything I can do about it."

Nodding, Zeo closes his eyes and lays back a bit on the headboard; the pillow's separating his back from it a bit. "Dad can't help him either, he needs a professional. No matter how much normalcy is in his life, it isn't going to just fix him because he doesn't have time to think about it." Opening his eyes, he looks at Ozuma. "Everytime he lays his head down at night, or even if the room is quiet for too long, he's gonna go right back into that frame of mind because he's had to live like that for too long."

"But would he wanna talk to someone, is the thing?" He rests his back on the back of the bed as well, head laying on Zeo's shoulder. "He accepted help from someone to get here, but it was a woman. His doctor would have to be a woman."

"Mm." Intones Zeo.

"And he would have to know that being left alone with her will be ok. That no one is dropping him off and never coming back, he'll freak out from the slightest bit of doubt."

Again Zeo makes a sound of agreement.

"...Do you really want to be a family to him?" He asks, the question gnawing at him since he heard the two talking. Ozuma wanted to stop Zeo from hurting his boyfriend but in the grand scale of things human Zeo was hurting more. He had to stop thinking that way. Everyone is hurting. Him, Zeo, Zeta, Dr. Zagart, the bladebreakers- everyone who comes into contact with the guy feels something that stirs up their own problems whether of the same insecure nature or something different altogether.

"I'm not sure how well the two of us will get along but, I won't be a threat to him." His free hand picks at the blanket beside him. "I'll help him when he needs it, and be a friend to him when he doesn't."

"...And is it fine if I do the same?"

"You will any way." Says Zeo with a little more malice than he would have liked.

He never knew he had such possessive feelings for the male until Ozuma dropped him without a word, and took off for someone else. Could he share Ozuma without jealousy? After the male clearly showed that friendship is more important to him than his relationship with him.

Watching Zeo think about something, Ozuma lays his head on the male's chest, smiling faintly at the low hum coming from him. "Regardless what you may be thinking, I really missed you."

Teeth bared, Zeo removes himself from Ozuma. "Say may name, Ozuma!" His blue eyes are sharp with anger and yet a hint of sadness colors in the background. "You've been dancing around it since you started talking... I wanna hear you say my name..."

Parting his lips, he stares at his boyfriend, expression sad. Didn't he say that he would be a brother to Zeo? The two of them can't go around being called Zeo it would get confusing. He thought that his boyfriend would get used to Zeta. He isn't entirely, but he would eventually. People change their names all the time, he'd change his if Zeta asked him to.

"Tch." Scoffs Zeo. "Just like I thought. You probably thought that the Zeo screaming was Him not me, and that's why you were so concerned."

"You're wrong! I saw him sitting on the floor beside the door, he was crying- crying for you!"

"He was crying from an episode!" Shouts the blue haired male. "Why would he care about me?"

Glaring, Ozuma steels his emotions then lowers his tone to a normal voice. "I... I believe that he does. I watched him when he came into the room while you slept." He looks down at his lap. "He called your name, he even tried his own... but when you didn't wake up he locked the door and came over to the bed to lay with you. He held your hand Zeo... He really cared."

He seemed angry to me. Thought Zeo. But, I know the truth behind his anger towards me. He's afraid that Dad will disown him, that he'll only be able to stay if he's a good kid- maybe. We had the same fears and didn't even know it. Hahaha. He laughs faintly from that. "Its gonna be so hard to live like this, but- but if Zeo is willing to try it with me than how can I turn him away. I've never been a big brother before."

Ozuma snickers to himself.

"What?"

"Hm. I was just thinking about how cute you'd be as a big brother."

Giving the Saint Shielder a look, he shoves Ozuma on the shoulder. "You're such a geek, Ozuma."

Ozuma only laughed, then wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck pulling him into a kiss.

Dr. Zagart found his son laying on his bed, sobbing hard. Snot being sniffled back just barely as it ran onto the blanket. Rushing over to the him, he wraps his arms around his shoulders. "Zeo. Zeo are you all right? Why are you crying?" Feeling the wetness under his hands, he removes them from the boy and sees right off the mess on his son's arms.

Ragged slices down his arms, they looked to be from a rusty knife with how uneven and off they were, but a closer look at him revealed that the boy used his fingernails to dig into his skin, probably, since he'd put him in the bedroom to sleep.

"I'm just so scared!" He sobbed in a loud voice. Hearing himself, his unfocused eyes look at his father, then down at his bare and bloody arms. Zeo begins to rapidly shake his head. "Don't look at me! I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to!" His voice grew louder.

Zeo waved his arms about to ward his father away, then he scooted to the top of the bed, huddling within his own arms. He's shaking like a leaf.

Snapping out of his daze, Harushige heads into the small hallway in his son's room which leads off to a bathroom. Opening the cabinet below the sink, he pulls out the first-aid kit then places it onto the sinks counter top. Setting his stained hands down on the top of the marble; he sighs heavily, breaths shaken as he looks up into his reflection.

Swallowing hard, he tries to steady his nerves so he doesn't return to the bedroom still panicked. Last thing he wants is to make Zeo's episode worse but repremanding him because of what he'd done. Getting a hold of the box once again he takes it back into the bedroom.

Zeo is where he left him, on the bed and trembling. Kneeling down beside the bed, he reaches for his son's arm to get a better look at the cuts. They're only deep enough to have bled it seems, no serious damage was done. Thank goodness. Taking out some swabs, he puts alcohol on them. Looking up at the boy, he says.

"This may hurt a bit."

Touching the cotton to the his skin, he didn't even make a sound, he didn't flinch or move or even really acknowledge the fact that anyone were in the room but his self. Harushige watched the boy carefully while cleaning the cuts. His eyes are very far away, Zeo almost looked as though he weren't actually in the room but some place else.

Looking away, Dr. Zagart takes out some bandage to wrap the cuts with, so that they don't infect or bleed any further from snags against them. Finally done, he sets the first-aid kit down on the floor then sits on the bed with his son. Wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close he sets his chin atop the boy's head, rocking them back and forth.

"Its hard to get back into the swing of things. I know that. But you don't have to be afraid, Zeo, Kaihou isn't going to touch you ever again."

That only made Zeo cry again, but Zagart thought it to be better than having him sitting there stone faced and silent.

"...I'm not afraid of him." His words are choked and small.

Harushige almost didn't hear him, but he caught the meaning. "Well then what happened? Did you have another episode?"

Zeo's throat only croaked when he tried to speak this time. He sniffled back a trail of snot that already made its way onto his father's shirt. Dr. Zagart caresses his son's stringy, lifeless hair, bits falling away as he does so. All this stress was really taking a toll on the poor boy physically and mentally. But they can beat this, he knows it. If Zeo would just know it and hold onto it.

"I'm sorry I cut myself." Sniffled the teen in an almost dead tone. "I won't be bad anymore." He adds. Pulling away he grabs a hold of his pillow then wipes his face on it.

Harushige watched him as he then lay the pillow down, curling up into it. His face sad but his eyes distant. "Zeo... tell me. Tell me what's wrong?"

"I know I'm a bad kid, but I won't be anymore." He says, tone still dead to the world. "I won't do anything but sit here and be silent." He then looks at his father, pure terror in his puffy, reddened eyes now. "I don't wanna go back." Closing his eyes, Zeo starts to cry silently.

Harushige sat on the bed, looking at Zeo for a long time before he finally found something to say. He just hoped it was the right thing. "Zeo... I know that you're angry with me and," he looks into his eyes when Zeo opens them at his accusations. "I want for you to punish me."

"...Father." He whispered.

"Cut me... beat me... hurt me, Zeo. Any way you see fit." He closes his eyes tears escaping before the exit closed. "But please know that I don't hate you, and I never will... Nothing you do wrong will upset me. I never sent you away, I only made a mistake by sending you on a trip alone; and I've paid for that every day that I've missed you. But if you don't think that that was enough... then please, I'm begging you." He looks into his son's eyes. "Hate me."

Ozuma and Zeo are in a fierce kiss; Zeo parted his robe when Ozuma climbed on top of him; he's seated just below his boyfriend's member which he clasps in his hand before bending over to kiss him, as he grinds himself into his false flesh.

Zeo was a little repulsed about doing this on his father's bed, but at the same time it kind of exciting him as well. But before he had time to wonder if he needed a good therapist, a jolt of pleasure shot through him like a bullet from the strong jerks Ozuma's hand was giving him. Leaning up, he slides his arms from his robe then slips them around the shorter male's neck, kissing him again as he bucks up into his hand.

With Zeo holding them together, Ozuma spreads his own semen along his shaft to lube his self up; he's never tried this before but today it really seemed to be the right time to try- let Zeo feel what he feels everytime they're conjoined- if he can. Ozuma grinds his hips harder into his lover coaxing more of the sticky liquid free from his body.

Sensing what his hopped-up boyfriend intended on doing, Zeo breaks the kiss looking down between them when his thighs are parted. Looking into his lover's green eyes he whispers. "Ozuma?" But the male only kissed tenderly at his neck.

Zeo moaned softly into Ozuma's shoulder. He knew the rooms in the house were sound proof but there was always that off chance feeling in a person's gut. That only seemed to further excite Ozuma, though, and he spread Zeo further apart before hoisting his legs around his waist. And with a slow thrust of the hips, Ozuma slid into his boyfriend as deep as he could go.

Both of them paused a moment, waiting for some alarm to go off but nothing happened. So pulling a bit out, Ozuma thrust in again. Zeo's body wasn't made like peoples, but it felt so similar even here, a type of elastic but it had such limited stretch ability it was like Ozuma had just shoved a pencil through the hole in a sewing needle- or something close to that- but he loved it.

Crying out in pleasure his head dropped past Zeo's shoulder to the pillow. He's breathing heavy to catch his breath from the rush of pleasure through his groin. Tightening his grip around Zeo with one arm, then latching onto the male's erection again, he thrust in time with his jerks. The both of them letting out moans now, seeking the others mouth to stifle them.

The kissing, the frantic movement of their hips is almost rushed like someone plans to walk in at any minute. The further Ozuma shoved in the more it felt like he was tearing something, it wasn't until Zeo's body spasmed beneath him did he wonder if he'd hurt him. Pulling back to look at the him confused; Zeo tightened his legs around Ozuma's hips deciding that if he planned to stop, he would go on. He's never felt anything like that before- it sparked and inticed all at the same time and he had to have more.

Seeing his boyfriend's wanton movement, Ozuma smiles then returns to what he was doing. Both of them let out whispered sighs and moans in the stillness of the room. So quiet that Ozuma caught bits of sound coming from Zeo, a different kind of hum... sounded like electricity.

He felt the first spark when a bit of his semen went beyond the hole he was making in his lover. It felt kind of like a joy buzzer, Zeo felt it too only in a better kind of way. Eyes closed, back arched, and mouth open in a moan; his hands fell from around Ozuma's neck and clung to the robe beneath him.

"More." Zeo said in a hurried voice.

Foreheads together, arms latched tight, Ozuma gave Zeo all he had feeling electric static touch him with each shove in; but with the way Zeo was moaning he felt nothing but the good bits as well. Bright flashes jump through Zeo's eyes everytime Ozuma catches a glimpse of them when they open. Blue, gold, white, blue, white, gold and so forth. It was amazing. Further and further he's spread, more and more liquid dripping within the cybor male's body, Ozuma's thrust became more of a stutter than a machine gun until...

The two of them held onto each other as a Ozuma climaxed and got the shocking of a lifetime, Zeo as well, but their cries were from nothing close to pain as they tremble to still. Ozuma pulled away after a moment, but as soon as they were detached he dropped back into his lover's arms.

9 9 9

Zeo looks at his father; eyes and face unreadable now. "...You want me to... punish you- hate you." His face cracks a smile. "I've been harboring this hatred for you for months and now you're telling me that I can hate you." He begins to laugh. "I'm not even sure how."

Zeo laughs a bit more, but this time it, sounds like choked out sobs.

"Its so unfair what happened. That I don't even know what to do to make you feel what I've felt for years." He sniffles. "How can that be summed into one pain, one perfect pain to make you feel it all."

When Zeo hunches over, holding the back of his head rocking a bit as he cries; Dr. Zagart reached out to touch him but never got to because the boy popped up from the bed.

"This is the clearest my mind has ever been since I got out," his face scrunched. "But it won't last..." Zeo shakes his head rapidly. "I'll go right back to seven and coware from you again! Do you know what that pain feels like?! I'll be laughed at forever and teased as that retarded boy!" His words are so faint and gargled from tears, Dr. Zagart almost missed the last part. "I'm not retarded, I'm just broken. I'm broken and I can't be fixed."

"Zeo... there are people you can speak to, therapist, a person who can help you get all of these feelings out of you." Harushige wraps an arm around the huddled mass that is his son, caressing his side until he felt the boy shrink away from his touch.

"Stop touching me." He cried. Trying to compose himself a bit, he looks at his father saying bluntly. "Did you know that when I hit..." he shrugs. "Nine or eight, he touched me nearly every night- sometimes in the day, and why? So he could beat me for it later! He said that I was sick for trying to turn him on! But He was the one that was sick."

Harushige couldn't help balling his fist hearing that. He knew the man had touched his son, even though Zeo said that he hadn't. Damn it if he could just get his hands on that man he'd kill him.

"But you know what the worst part of it was?" The boy sniffles. "I started to like it..." He laughs faintly. Hand slipping into his pants, he strokes himself lightly. "Look at me daddy, look at what you've done to me."

Dr. Zagart felt sick, but he didn't turn away. This, this is what he deserves to watch his son fall apart after he tried so hard to be normal, to put it behind him, and embrace being back. He needs to see him for what happened when he was gone. This is his punishment.

"This is so messed up," the boy said to no one as he jerked himself off. "My body doesn't know whether its here or there anymore- I flinch away from nothing every ten minutes and for what, just to have someone tell me its gonna be all right? When has it been all right, father? When I'm too afraid to leave the house, when I'm in the middle of a nightmare and I'm walking into a wall thinking that I'm in someone else's house? Or how 'bout when I choke on my food because I feel a hand around my throat for not chewing quietly enough..." He sniffles. "When is everything gonna be all right?" He pulled his hand from his pants, relieved without having actually felt a thing from it. "I wish I was dead."

"Zeo!" He was startled by those words actually coming out. Deep down he knew that his son must have thought it once or twice. But hearing it was completely different.

"Then you could go back to your new life, and Zeta can have his and... and I can stop wanting love from someone who was just sick in the head." Biting his lips, fingers brought up to his mouth to assist it inside Zeo began to rock back and forth, eyes darting this way and that.

For a moment a couple sobs came out of his mouth, until his face scrunched up.

"God, make it stop!" He shouts. Flinching hard from an imaginary whack on his back, he crawls under the covers pulling them up over his head. "I said I was sorry! Just please stop hating me. I don't wanna go back, I don't wanna goooo." His words dragged with each sob.

Dr. Zagart wraps his arms around his son, leaning over he lays his forehead on his back. Soothing 'shushes' come from him. He didn't feel as though saying anything would get through right now, so he settled for just being there. That was all he could do. Right now it seemed like that was all anyone could do.

0 0 0

Ozuma snickers quietly beside Zeo. The cyborg turned his eyes in his boyfriend's direction. Elaborating at what was so funny, he says. "You wouldn't think that only a few months ago our only concern was what to name our team."

"This doesn't change anything between us," says Zeo in a tight controlled tone. "That momentary lapse was a bad call."

"What?" He leans up on an elbow to look at the boy.

"Ozuma... things are gonna be weird; and I need to know that when its all said and done, that in your eyes... I'm Zeo."

Nearly rolling his eyes, he says. "But you said that you planned on trying."

"I will be a brother to him, and I may even come to like him like a real brother but," he turns over so that he's no longer facing the male. "When I'm not around him, I just wanna go back to being me. I wanna be around my friend and my boyfriend and know that I won't be looked at differently. I am Zeo; Zeo is the only person I know how to be... so with my friends, I would like to stay that way. Do you understand?"

Ozuma was quiet for a moment but then he shakes his head. "Ze', I just can't. He wouldn't like knowing that we're calling you by his name any more than you would like to find out that we were calling you Zeta, behind your back- and you know it." Touching Zeo's shoulder, he isn't susprised when he pulls it away. "How can he feel wanted only when he's around? Nobody would want that feeling, he may as well have never come back with the way you're talking."

Getting out of bed, he grabs his clothes and quickly slips them on. "I've gotta go." Ozuma says walking to the balcony doors. "I just wish you wouldn't feel so offended by all of this, Ze'. It has nothing personal to do with you, its just... when something is top priority: fighting a war, going to a funeral... even cleaning your room, you aren't gonna put it off just so something as simple as double-checking the knot on your shoe doesn't go over-looked."

Zeo stares at the male for a long time, then he says in a distant voice. "That really hurts, Ozuma. But I see what you're saying. So just go for now."

Expression drooping, the torn male leaves just as silently and stealthly as he had snuck in. Staring after him for a long while, Zeo then noticed the phone in his line of view. He'd forgotten about the others at Tyson's! They must be climbing the walls by now, its already dark. Picking up the phone he dials the dojo, hoping that they were still there and haven't picked up torches and pitch forks to help them as they storm the place. After about six rings, he nearly gave up when a voice that sounded like Max's greeted him with question.

"Max, it's me."

"Zeo! There you are," he sounded like he's been playing hide and seek with Zeo all afternoon and he finally emerged from his really good hiding place. "We've been so worried, especially Tyson and Ka-ah!"

"Zeo, is that you dude!" Calls Tyson a little louder than Zeo would have liked. "Where are you? What happened? Is your Dad or that freak keeping you locked up there to be their slave?" He asked in a hurry, a low grunt of agitation as someone else must have swatted him to get the phone.

"Are you ok, Zeo?" Asks Kai. Typical Kai, kill the drama and get to the point.

"I'm fine. My dad said that he never wanted me gone," he laughed anxiously. "Worried for nothing, right?"

Hearing the way it was said Kai could guess that those words had come from Ozuma. "Nevermind that, we're just glad that you're ok."

Laughing, Zeo says. "Not too nice Kai, you might start to freak me out a bit." He smiled hearing the stoic Russian laugh a bit.

"Lookit, you're freaking him out Kai, give me the phone back."

As much as Zeo was enjoying the show, he had to tell them what he was planning on doing because he needed their help more than anything to get it done.

"Guys listen to me," he interrupts. "I'm... I'm gonna stay at my house, I'm gonna be with my family, that means my human-self as well. We're gonna try to work something out."

"That's great Zeo!" Max chirped from somewhere in the room.

"Yeah, let us know if we can help." Says Rei shortly after.

Kai and Tyson said nothing.

"I just... I feel like I'm being a little immature about the whole thing- we both are. So we're gonna try to be a family. Which means when he's around, you're gonna have to call me Zeta."

Kai scoffed.

"And only when he's around." Says Tyson. "And I'd rather just keep calling you Ze'."

With a smile, he says. "That sounds good to me," when he hears them all intone an agreement to what Tyson had said.

He couldn't help but wonder why Ozuma refused to understand, true he knew fleshen Zeo and his friends didn't, but that doesn't mean that he no longer matters to be counted.

"I'm gonna try to help him get better, which means all smiles, right?"

It took a while for Kai and Tyson to say yes, but they eventually did when Max and Rei agreed.

"Thank you. The sooner he's a normal guy the better."

Everyone in the Zagart home went to sleep that night, full of hope while it lay dregged in dispair. They have to function, they just have to.

 



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