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Reviews for Monster

By : Camaro

From ANON - AngelKitty on October 14, 2004
Brilliant, as usual. You haven't really spoken much about sin in awhile though. I'm actually concerned about how you�re going to go about this. This is going to sound horribly juvenile, but, are they going to, excuse the phrase, "get together"? This chapter has given me the impression that, as of now, Goku just doesn't feel THAT WAY for Vegeta. But I get the idea that Vegeta isn't telling the entire truth (oh coarse, I'm sure that's intended). Anyways. I continue to follow along with this story and continue to wonder where it�s going to go.
You had two updates so close together, it was just wonderful!
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From ANON - anon on October 14, 2004
wow this is super unique to say the least! update soon
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From ANON - Just_A_Say on October 11, 2004
You most certainly deserve a whole new genre dedicated for your "appraisable" style.
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From ANON - macha on September 30, 2004
Goku with a hair cut? What's he doing to himself? Ah, I guess I am just use to the anime, and Goku not seeing any reason to change his outward apperance. So, he feels a need for a change. I am wondering why. I can come up with a couple of answers, but I don't think they are really what is making him make these decisions. Maybe he is a little more worldly now, and can tell the difference?

The 'ghost' was interesting. Saying he could see inside to/of 'Kakarott', not Goku. And the ring that made the impression. I don't recall you writing what it was made of, just that it was cold and hard.

Why does Goku seem to have a need to seek out Vegeta to tell him that he isn't interested any more? It seems to have failed time and time again, wouldn't just not going to see the other sayain work out better? I am thinking he is starting to like not being able to tell Vegeta no, or maybe, telling Vegeta 'no' and Vegeta proving how wrong he is.

I can't imagine Goku just watching what was haing ing at the party and letting it happen until it was almost too late. We he hoping Vegeta would actually show mercy? Maybe, somewhere deep inside, hoping the Prince wasn't the monster he allyally is turning out to be?

The painting was interesting. Was it meant to be part of the back ground, or were we suppose to be paying attention to the details, such as black feathers making a home amongst the white?

Were the differences Goku had been making in his own apperance playing tricks on his memory of Vegeta's own appereance?

I guess thiseview turned into a Q and A session. Sorry about that.
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From ANON - Theresa Haun on September 29, 2004
hey you, I already visited the website but I have to say, i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE this story. Anyone who doesor hor has something negative to say (or bitch and complain about) is jealous because when it comes down to all around creativity and awesome story altogetherness (yes, I know, not a word) you are number 1. Seriously ive found no one else that can make a story or rather a ff so believable and addicitive.

i'm so hooked its not even funny. PLEASSSSEEEE update Camaro! Please! I think enough of us are waiting!

See you at the forum! Theresa
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From ANON - Chipper_Dip on September 29, 2004
Whoa! this is totally a different kind of story, unique being one of the reason. Holy shit I hope you keep updating. this by far is the single greatest, most original thing I've read along the lines of fanfiction in ALL categories. why do you waste your time with this stuff though? You have the potential to be one of the greatest out there. Email me when you update OK?
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From ANON - Kugatsu on September 18, 2004
Damn, i commend you simply for that opening! I am gald that you have the balls to finally put those ff.net people in their fucking place! Thireadready lets me know that one, your story will be good, and two if i don't like i can kiss your ass!
I love pe lie like you!
on with the sex and violence!!!!
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From ANON - macha on September 18, 2004
In the first part of the chapter Goku had even managed to convenice me he was going to tell Vegeta off. Of course, being a yaoi fan, I had mixed feelings about that, but this story isn't about yaoi, is it. I want Goku to be able to do what is right be his own standards. And if by his own standards, being with Vegeta is wrong, well, I had really hoped he was going to be able to tell Vegeta to stay away, and he wasn't going to indulge again.

It came as quite a shock to 'watch' Goku stumble upon Bulma and Vegeta having sex. I use stumble upon lightly. If I was comprehending correctly, Vegeta WANTED Goku to 'find' them. I don't know what Vegeta's twisted plan was for that though. Other than throwing Goku a curve ball, maybe make him feel enough guilt not to be able to stand solid in his decision. Is there any way Vegeta 'knew' what Goku had planning? I don't believe so, he hasn't shown himself to be much of a telepath in this story, just really good at observation and calculating different peoples reactions to situation. Implying a threat to Goku's family would certainly cause Goku to become... aggresive? Protective? I am not really certain what the word I am looking for is.

I am seeing Vegeta as having set Goku up with a 'weakness', this weakness being sex, in any of its forms. I can see him using again Goku in the future, for what purpose, other than having an unwilling lover, I am not certain.

So, you can guess I was slightly disappointed when they stepped out of the room and Goku's grand speach was for not. *shakes head saddly* And what exactly is the deal with Vegeta being stronger than Goku in regular form? I am not certain why Goku believes this, but if it's not true, then his own self doubt isn't letting him be stronger than the other sayian.

So, on with the Chichi thing. If this was a real relationship in the real world, I would feel somewhat sorry for her sometimes, but at others, I would be pissed off. If I had a spouse that chose to degrade me to the point of embarassment in front of friends, I would be very unhappy. Of course, she does have a point, Goku is away, a LOT, doing who knows what, but (from Chichi's POV) whatever it is he IS doing it ISN'T helping with the family life. So actually I believe they both have their faults. I can't stand for one more than the other. But the guilt trip she put Goku through, although all the things she said were true, AH, it got on my nerves, and I was almost sorry to see Goku listen.

He does love her though. I hope his love for her is strong enough to carry him through. *has doubtful look on face.*

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From ANON - QueenSaiyan on September 18, 2004
Hey Camaro... I ran into Monster on your site a while ago, and I only just found it on AFF.net. I was delighted, of course, to find it updated. :D Before now, I'd been kind of scared off from reviewing you by your hard-nosed attitude displayed on your site, but Chapter 15, and to a larger extent, what you wrote in the footnotes of Chapter 13 has decided it: I'm reviewing.

I really like this fic. As you've boasted, it's different, it's a little bit shocking, but there are two things about it that really strike me. Firstly (I'm hoping I'm not wrong in my assumption), it's noticeably influenced by Anne Rice's works. I like that. It shows that you are a reader, and as a reader you know what constitutes good wrg ang and good characters. Secondly, I love the way that you've made Goku and Vegeta real characters, with real motives and actual thoughts and opinions held in their minds. It makes it much easier to accept the piece as real, or "suspend belief" as some people say. Vegeta's attitude, especially, is a nice h. Th. That, and his 'relationship' and interactions with Goku, spark a lot of ideas in me for various unrelated stories, and I'm sure that if it does this for me, it would do so for other writers out there reading your works. That's something to be proud of; making others think about something to the extent that it sparks new ideas in their minds.

However, therene tne thing I think you really need to improve. Your proofreading. ~_^ Through the course of the fic I've seen a decent amount of grammar and spelling errors, which detracts from the reading experience and kind of makes the reader recoil from the world you're trying to create. You might not have enough time to read through your chapters after you type them up, or maybe you don't see the errors, btherther people DO, and it's these small errors that make the difference between a truly excellent piece of work, and a work that's ALMOST excellent. For the most part, they're only small things, like "steal" instead of "steel", but occasionally you have mistakes like "pedistool". That one made me cringe. XD I really hope you will either proofread it yourself, find a beta reader, or (I'd love it if you did this) get me to proofread anything you might want. I myself truly enjoy proofreading; it's an odd thing to say, I suppose, but it's true. I have good credentials, but I won't demean myself or you by elaborating here. You might not trust me to proofread a work of yours, but I'd just like to offer, in case you feel like taking me up on it. ~_^

Anyway. I think you could go a long way with your writing, if that's what you want to do with your life, and if you put in the effort to go the long mile. As always, I'm awaiting the next installment of this excellent tale. ~_^

- Queenie
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From ANON - ~Faith~ on September 09, 2004
O.o flames? pathetic, ok brats, listen up, you don't like NC-17? DON'T FUCKING READ IT!!!! You don't like the disclaimer...DON'T FUCKING READIT!!!! what ya gonna do? go and say THIS SITE shoremoremove Nc-17?!?!?!?!?!?! don't make me piss myself l;aughing you pathetittlettle know nothings!!!!

*sighs* now, I LOVE this fic, and i hope u update this and fathoming love soon, i'm hooked. *grins evilly* is it the kiss of hell thats making Gohan act so cool? or is it Sin?
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From ANON - Kat17 on September 08, 2004
Love it, love it, and did I mention that I love it?? This story is so different from anything that I have ever read and I enjoy the surprises that show up in every chapter. Just wyou you think that the plot can't poly bly become more complex, you pull it off wonderfully!! I saw that Xing was being an asshole to you about your story, so I migrated over to this site to read Monster. Who knows, I might actually write my own story sometime soon!! Anyway, great chapter, Vegeta flattering Chichi and Gohan yelling, "Bite me, Bitch," is too funny for words. Can't wait to read more!!!!
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From ANON - macha on September 07, 2004
Okay, So I was wondering when the ring Vegeta gave to Gohan would come into play, but even now I am not so certain it's actually the ring that was responsible for Gohan's behavior. (Hmmmmm.)

Yes, I can imagine that being able to fly and teleport in combintation with someone who is also developing a habbit of 'sleep walking' would be a bad combination. (not to mention the hazzards of glass in the feet.)

Goku did manage to difuse(Aaaaah, spelling) the tention created by Gohan's little stunt, but I am not certain that was the best course of action for a parent to take. I don't know what would have been though. *Shrugs*

Okay, so at the moment, Vegeta is creeping me out. He's playing both sides of reality way too well. Wonder where all of his two-facedness is leading. More trouble for Goku, I am sure.

Once again, a well writen chapter. (I love them!)
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From on September 06, 2004
I'm reviewing another chapter mainly because I'm trying to figure out how to get the number code for this piece so I can add it to my recommendations. I've established an account but I can't figure out the damn thing
None the less, I'm just as impressed with the past two chapters as I have been through the whole story. I don�t want to take any guesses as to what may happen next because I might be wrong, and I don�t want to spoil what�s to come if I'm right. I did love the ordeal with Gohan though. Very nice
~AngelKitty
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From ANON - jack cart on September 03, 2004
u little shit
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From ANON - Agent182 on August 23, 2004
Truly magnificent... and i have just read the first chapter. You are an amazing writer but i'm sure you've been told this so many times and i guess it never gets old. I can see your anger and it is just. I don't understand why the hell someone would do that. Most people are idiots. It has happeneds to the best of fics and some never finish the fic after that...
But the fic is wonderful so far. i've been a slacker and haven't read it until now. It make take a day or 2 but i'll get through it and will be waiting for an update. *smirks* but waiting always makes it better..
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