Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for A warm welcome back

By : neosildrake
  • From ANON - Anon on November 01, 2006
    i'll admit it right now this was the best dbz fanfic i have ever read please keep up the excellent work^-^

    and it was so sweet at the end when they all cuddled i just love it!!!

    i might even read it over again

    p.s great yaoi
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on November 01, 2006
    Blood... choking me.... so good... Damn, but that was hot! Goku really is beautiful, and that's a fact carved in stone. Yamucha isn't bad himself, and Tien is hot in the Cell Saga. Wonderful job.
    Report Review

  • From YaoiGoddess on April 22, 2005
    OMG! LemonKitty nearly drowned in her own drool.... In other words Yummy! And now LemonKitty needs sleep... ^^;
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Camaro on February 20, 2005
    wow, not half bad! Very intense, though the characters were kind of portrayed as mindless, brainless nimphomaniacs but hey! We all like them that way so why not? I noticed a LOT of the tenses were messed up. Like saying "tooth" rather then "teeth" or something trivial like that. It's clear what you meant but perhaps you'd like to go back and fix that.

    As far as the sex, it was amazing and I praise you for your willingness to venture forth and write a threesome fic. Very few people do this and as I've been in the process of writing one of my own (albeit a little more.. .complicated than this one) I was really inspired by how SEEMINGLY easy you pulled it off-- though I'm certain it was hard at the time. The wording was great, the vocabulary really interesting (props for using the word "Adonis") and I really liked how beautiful you made Goku.

    So.. good job. Work on those tenses and some spelling but other then that, awesome.

    Camaro
    Report Review

  • From Orchideater on February 20, 2005
    Wow, a T/Y/Gk threesome! I have NEVER seen that done before, and I have read a hell of a lot of fics. It was so nice to read a fullblown lemon with both Yamcha and Tien-- as KitKat said, finally someone gives them their due. The lemon was just beautiful and moved along at a leisurely pace with lots of nice details. I loved how they were horny, yes, but didn't try to abuse Goku and were gentle and concerned for him. Lovely!

    Constructive criticism: The basic idea is great, the lemon is great, but there are a lot of things you could do to improve this fic. You want to read through a fic at least three times to edit and check for errors before you post. There are a lot of spelling and word errors in the fic, many that could be caught and fixed by giving it a run through SpellCheck and GrammarCheck. Many simple words such as "tired" are misspelled, and you call Yamcha "Yamaha" several times. Spelling is *important.* Every mispelled word detracts from the quality of a story and pulls the reader out of the story-- you want the reader to get lost in the tale, and errors jar them back to reality. Proper spelling is especially important during lemon scenes, because you want the reader to savor the eroticism and not have to roll their eyes at a spelling error that ruins the mood. The title should have a capital letter at the beginning of each word, and there should be double spaces between paragraphs. Some of those huge paragraphs could be broken down into smaller ones-- reading big blocks of text like that is hard on the eyes. Also, I know it is tempting to give the POV's of many different characters, but you might want to think about keeping the entire fic in third person (narrator) because it would be easier to read-- or at least stick to Yamcha and Tien's POV at the beginning. The POV from Goku and Krillan seem extraneous, since the fic seems to focus on Tien and Yamcha's lust for Goku.

    I hope this review helped. It would be great if you could fix the spelling and polish the fic up some more and then repost it. I mean, how often do we find a T/Y/G? It's a rare thing. I hope you will write more odd-pairing PWPs, and thanks for the fic-- it was great fun and made my night!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Kitkat on February 19, 2005
    I had to stop by just to say it: LOVED THIS STORY! Finally someone gives Yamcha and Tien some credit, plus with young Goku (my all time fave chara) in it it's perfect.

    Congratulations!
    Kitkat
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!