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Reviews for Come A Little Bit Closer

By : OukaChobit
  • From Veggiefan2 on March 08, 2007
    That...sucked. Goku-chan? Trunks-chan? Ummmm....ew. Sorry, but too many formalities with a fic like this, you could have certainly made it less formal and romantic, when it really could have done without all of that. A little more description would be nice, and if you had just made it a little less immature, with the stupid shakespeare talk from Trunks. And fix your grammar. I got a buttload of problems with this story, but you have potential, keep writing, don't let my criticisms stop you.
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  • From ANON - LovelySayianGirl on April 19, 2005
    Wow, Goku and Trunks are magnificent in this lemon! You have wonderfully and professionally created this relationship in this story to be so erotic and beautiful! Right on, Ouka! This is so good!
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  • From ANON - Macha on March 23, 2005
    You know what... I can truely say this was delightfully Out Of Character. I know most fics get flammed for being so, but I loved this lemon because it WAS.

    Thank you so much for going back to change the readablilty of this chapter, by making it more than one long paragraph. The work is much appreciated.

    Now, for a couple of hints. I think for Trunks's thoughts, italics would be a good indicator. I hope I am not repeating knowledge you already have. For italics the code is (without the spaces) < i > at the beginning of the word or sentense and < /i > at the end. So without the spaces it will look like this does.

    For your terms of endearment.... -chan is used for someone usually younger but liked. -san is used for someone held in high reguard and usually older. I think most of your Goku-chan's should be Goku-san's. *shrugs* but of course, I am a reviewer, and not the author.



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