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Reviews for Iserlohnn - continued

By : RealRoyMustang

From ANON - FullMetal Megan on May 10, 2005
After reading ALL the chapters, and Kat begging me since yesterday Im finally reviewing...from the lameo computer lab at my school...

*twitches at the yaoui* *cant see Ed n Roy togehter*

*grabs Kat and runs away with her* MINE DAMN IT! WE SHALL RUN TO MUNICH TOGEDDER!!!

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Hah!........HahHAH! Ed is her Prince of princeness! I am special! BEAT THAT STUPID PERVERT MUSTANG!

Write more dammmit! Or I shall punch my automail fist in a certain sensitive area! So WRITE MORRRRREE!!!!

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From ANON - Riding Away Laughing on a Fast Camel on May 10, 2005
Im another friend of Kyatto's (the Alphonse she RPs with. I think Megan might comment too once she's done reading)

Good work! I like how you did Al! So cute and sweet! Heh...the kitty.....

Yay! Kat's Prince might be Ed! Hurray! *cheers*

Make Roy Fuhrer! That would be funny!

To quote Craig when he made Roy Fuhrer: "There is now an official uniform change! From now on, all females are to wear minskirts...Miniskirts for all!" Tosses miniskirts to all the girls and hands one to Ed* "Here Ed, you can have one too..." Ed: "I dont think so damn it..."*whakcs him*
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From ANON - Movie Edward Fangurl on May 09, 2005
^My old email there was the_Fullmetal_Edo@techemail.com but after I saw episode 51 and previews for the movie I had to change it!! XD

I was talking to Kyatto on the boards and she told me to read this. ^_^

I must say, WOW. You're a really good writer! And the characters are awesome! Please write more! I'm very interested in what you have in store for them, especially the doctor. Cause I noticed all of your original characters have a "destiny" and Im still trying to figure out what hers is....

Edward is so cocky! It's funny!

But Roy is a bit -too- pervy....Yeah he likes his miniskirts, but so do a lot of military men... It doesnt neccasarily mean he'd rape anyone at any time....

And the yaoi kinda bothers me...but that's just because I just cant think of either Ed or Roy as gay, and I have to constantly tell Kyatto to get that yaoi doujins out of my face.... At least Mustang show his straight side a lil bit.....

I look forward to reeding more! Keep writing!

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From ANON - Doll Of Lenore on May 09, 2005
Part 4 of my review (I hate how there wasnt enough spce to fit everything in 1 post)

Princess Katarin: *bows* Thank you for introducing a young, female original character who is not a complete slut. I find her to be likeable as well as the rest of your original characters. She's got a lot of brain smarts, as well as good skills. And the bit of her storyline/background is interesting. Normally, when original characters have an immediate to connection to main cast characters I do not like it, but how she ties in with Roy I can believe and it seems canon for the series. I thought it was a very beautiful dramatic scene when she brought Roy to the Gate. And the scene in the recent chapter in the hallway. Yeah they kiss, but it's not like they're constantly all over eachother. Both kisses were signs of appreciation/gratitude, not all out smut filled random make outs. Anyway, from her description of her Prince is it Edward? If it is, I think that's rahter sweet. Unlike most heavy yaoi fangirls who I noticed reviewed that bit, I think it's rather nice to think of him with a girl like her. From what I've noticed of her charcter and personality, she seems like a good match for him. But, this is only what I've noticed so far. In future chapters, she could turn out to be a huge bitch and all of what I said could be flushed down the toilet. XD

Kenton Ares: The big baddie.....I LOVE HIM! He's so creepy and awesome! A much better villain than Dante was! I'm a huge HUGE fan of creepy evil villains! Like Scar from the Lion King, Drakken from Kim Possible, Mumrah from Thundercats, Blight fromt Batman Beyond, Naraku from Inuyasha, as well as many others! He is just the most awesome baddie Ive ever seen in a fanfic! *is getting all fangirlish* ~fangirly squeal~ I want to start a fanclub for him! In fact, I tihnk I will! Gah I want to see a picture of him! Do you have any? If so, please email them to me! I like him a lot! Good job with him!

Now this is just my review for what IVe read. So you dont even have to care. Ignore it, delete it. Whatever. I just thought Id review one of the longest stories in this section. Great job! Please keep writing! and by the way, Flame VS FullMEtal Redux was the best!!
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From ANON - Doll Of Lenore on May 09, 2005
Part 3 of my review...

My opinions of your original characters-

Dr. Seris Ferguson: I like her. She is a very mature, responsilbe adult character and I think she'll be a good influence on the rest of the cast. The doctor is helpful, and not the least bit perverted. She is very much the normal type person. I look forward to future chapters that involve her so I could perhaps learn more about her storyline. Seris reminds me a bit of Maria Ross? Is she supposed to be like her?

Tenshi: He's cute, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. In this case, it's a bit of both. His skills and abilites are marvelable, same goes for his knowledge and background. My only issue is, (and dont take this the wrong way. He is your character/whoever really RPs him after all) he acts way to shoujo for a shounen series. The cuteness reminds me a bit of Shuichi from Gravitation, as well as sadly, Kisa from Furuba. (How he is always going "Edo-sempai" reminds me of how Kisa refers to Tohru as "Onee-chan") The reason why there is no real cuteness in Full Metal is because Arakawa must have a reason for it. So bringing in a cute shoujo type character into a shounen action/sentimental/drama tends to twist some things a bit. I like him dont get me wrong. He is a very charming character and if you have any other fanfictions where he appears I would like to read them. But if it would be possible, at least for when he's in the FMA universe, to lay off the heavy cuteness for a while, I'd appreciate it. ^_^;; Dont take any of this to heart, because it is only one opinion and this is -your story- with -your characters-. Personally, with how his personality is, I think Tenshi would be a great match for Alphonse
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From ANON - Doll Of Lenore on May 09, 2005
Part 2 of my review...

(Thumbs Up Factors About the Story)-

-You've written a background for characters in which they're backgrounds are never really mentioned. (Roy) And it MAKES SENSE.
- You went through the trouble of coming up with a whole new land, with a whole new culture and it fits in well with the story.
- You came up with your own alchemy. And it has real science behind it. It's not random magic and it MAKES SENSE.
- The story is very well-oaced and well thought out.
- Your villain is delicously creepy and very believeable as well as likeable. I think if Kenton was in the series people would make fanclubs for him ^_^
- Edward is PERFECT! Major kudos!

Thumbs Down Factors D:-

-Roy slips out of character a lot.
- I'm not a very big yaoi fanatic, so having all the male characters with bodies getting action while the girls sit there in the dark makes me feel bad. I'm a big womens' rights activist, so I feel bad about the girls in your story not doing anything sexual with the guys. (Im not saying I LIKE hentai, cause I could take it or leave it, but just reading about guy action all the time when there are plenty of availible female pickings irks me a little bit. ) There is nothing in the anime/manga saying that Edward and Roy are flat out homosexual, and it did make me feel a little better when Roy kissed the princess.
- There are moments where your original characters do not act well for the type of series FMA is.
- Edward has yet to eat pie or all out explode at someone for calling him "short".
- There are some others....but they're too petty to mention....

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From ANON - Doll Of Lenore on May 09, 2005
This has to be one of the longest fics in the entire FMA section of AFF.net. Which is why I felt I must comment on what you've written so far.

Thumbs Up Factors :D -

- You bother to use spellcheck for the most part. And your paragraphs are evenly spaced and easy to read.
- You write using proper English and grammar and do not resort to n00b talking and swearing every other sentence.
- The characters which originated in the FMA series are in character most of the time. And behave as they should. (Ex: Ed being cocky, Al being sweet and innocent, and Hughes being fatherly and the "Look At My Daughter" thing)
- You're in an FMA RPG and you bother to log the chronicles of what goes on. I've been in some RPs and LARPS and the GMs dont bother to do any of that and sometimes even forget where we left off. It's annoying, especially for people if they miss a game. So kudos to you for keeping records! ^_^
- Even though some of your content is very much adult, it has mostly PLOT. It's not just some random smut out of nowhere. And, from what I noticed, even if you take out the sex, the story stands fine on it's own. Have you considered taking out the adult bits and posting it up on the regular fanfiction.net site? It could gain some serious popularity there.
- Your original characters do not exist just for fangirl/fanboyish reasons. (ie. There because you want to pair them up with main characters. Like "X original person has to be with Ed.) If they do wind up with someone, there is story behind it. They dont just automatically confess their love for eachother right off the bat.
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From ANON - reinhartvonlohengramm on May 06, 2005
The reason there isn't much about Doctor Series is that she is a lot like Lt. Maria Ross (if you watch the show she kinda just showed up after Armstrong assigned her to watch ed and Al). and Docor Series got assigned to be with Ed and Al on their mission by roy. There will be more about her as the person as soon as the person who created her gives me more back story on her. The only info I have on her is what we do "in game" and what she does "in game". The story is a transcrtipt of our RP fleshed out so it works as a story. As far as Tenshi goes he has a really involved backstory that I might have to do as SEPARATE from the Iserlohnn storyline. He got introduce dinto our game through an adventure that predated the ISERLOHNN chronicle. He is a cool character and the show does mention other Alchemists even though they aren't given names or anything. What we did in our game is give one of those faces you see in the background a name and a story! And for those of you wondering what "THE SINS" are up to that will be explained VERY SOON....!

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From ANON - Pink Panda on May 06, 2005
Cute story so far, and one of the longest I've seen for FMA. It's kool that u play in tabletop RP. I like some of the OCs, though personally, in my mind, anyone who creates an OC for an anime series (even if it is roleplay) is a bit kinda mary-sueish. OCs are alright for something like D&D or Vampire RPs, but for a set anime series with characters already being RPed out, random OCs just joining up with the main cast is kindy retarted. But how you put in your OCs like the evil Kenton dude and the Princess, you gave them proper introduction, they weren't set with the main cast in the beginning and I like that. They actually had to do something to get them to be part of the story they weren;t just -THERE-. Whichh is wy I dont understadn anythin bout Tenshi. Why was he there in the first place? He not in FMA, even in the manga. So why was he with Ed n Roy in the beginnin? Same for the cool doctor lady. You should explain more -WHY- they are there. Not just randomly have them there. Also, you should get more in depth with Doctor Seris's relationships with the characters, cause right now all it seems like she is just there to help out a lil bit and seems rather clueless, while with Tenshi and Katarin you specify how they relate to the other characters. Does the doctor like Al or something? cause a lot of times she iz hangin out with him. Could you rite chapter explain stuff bout her? I'll review again once more chapters are written and posted, because it took me so long just to reed whats already up LOL Ok good story writ more plz!!!!

~Pink Panda~
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From ANON - RealRoyMustang on May 06, 2005
Thanks to all who reviewed. A SMALL reminder - this story is a chronicle from a weekly RPG I play in so sometimes stuff happens that isn't 100% "in character" for the FMA cast. And YES I know ROy is more into gals than guys - there IS stuff coming up where he'll be more like he is in the show! The story is going to get a little darker too (which is also like the show if anyone here has seen it to epsidoe 51!!) so please bear with me! And I do agree that we do hav eone person in the group who is too cute for the FMA universe but, well, he will also be doing some more "canon" things later on in the story. We'll try in our game sessions to get him to keep the cuteness down . THANKS FOR READING!!
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From ANON - Hikari on May 06, 2005
Great story for the most part but some of the things annoy me. Like how Roy is RIDICULOUSLY out of character. i mean, Mustang does not rape everything in sight in the series or manga, so why do all the people who write fanfic make him to be that type of person? The only person I could see roy with is riza hawkeye, and they even state in the series that Roy is STRAIGHT and likes WOMEN. Some yaoi I can deal with, but when all a story is is Roy doing nothing but dirty things to guys it annoys me. (Also, Tenshi reminds me of Chi from Chobits. With all the constanty beign refered to as cuter than all belief and that crap. And I HATE Chi. She's annoying. Cute things are annoying. And cute is not part of FMA at all. So lighten up on the cuteness pleeze.) Please let Roy doing something STRAIGHT please? I liked how Roy kissed the character Katarin though, that was cute. An most likely in character for him too. Please have more of things like that! Even if you pair him with Winry I wont mind as long as he is with a girl! And as for Ed, Ed and Al! Elricest is good! Either Elricest, or pair him with a woman, Or Envy, but that's only because in a way, EdXEnvy is Elricest! XD
Other than that, the story is great! Keep writing! :D :D :D :D
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From ANON - Hikari on May 06, 2005
Great story for the most part but some of the things annoy me. Like how Roy is RIDICULOUSLY out of character. i mean, Mustang does not rape everything in sight in the series or manga, so why do all the people who write fanfic make him to be that type of person? The only person I could see roy with is riza hawkeye, and they even state in the series that Roy is STRAIGHT and likes WOMEN. Some yaoi I can deal with, but when all a story is is Roy doing nothing but dirty things to guys it annoys me. (Also, Tenshi reminds me of Chi from Chobits. With all the constanty beign refered to as cuter than all belief and that crap. And I HATE Chi. She's annoying. Cute things are annoying. And cute is not part of FMA at all. So lighten up on the cuteness pleeze.) Please let Roy doing something STRAIGHT please? I liked how Roy kissed the character Katarin though, that was cute. An most likely in character for him too. Please have more of things like that! Even if you pair him with Winry I wont mind as long as he is with a girl! And as for Ed, Ed and Al! Elricest is good! Either Elricest, or pair him with a woman, Or Envy, but that's only because in a way, EdXEnvy is Elricest! XD
Other than that, the story is great! Keep writing! :D :D :D :D
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From ANON - EngelAlice on May 05, 2005
Aww.. I love this story and can't possibly say enough good things about it! ^____^ I've been reading for a while now but I didn't want to review till I caught up :D Now that I caught up, though, I'm so sad ;_; Shame on Roy. I'm an avid Roy/Ed reader and I don't want them to be split up in such a unique story @_@ Oi, anyways, I love the update and the rest of the story and look forward to more updates ^___^

*Gives her a RoyEd cupcake* :3?
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From ANON - Juna on April 27, 2005
Yay! Great chapter! I can't wait to read more! keep it coming please!
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From ANON - Ally on April 21, 2005
No! How can you stop it there!? I must know what will happen. Hey is her prince Ed?No I am not saying Ed should go with her! I am a RoyxEd fan! They are meant to be! Okay then I am out of subject! Heh anyways please udate soon! You have a gret story going on here!
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