Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for One Shot

By : hibaakaiko
  • From Veggiefan2 on March 08, 2007
    Wow. Hot damn. You're good. Please write more. Onegi?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Melissa on September 10, 2006
    Really freakin' awesome! But whatever happened to Bulma? I'm sure she enjoyed the sight, right? I know I would've *winks*

    Report Review

  • From ANON - SSJ-Lover on September 08, 2005
    AWWWWW HOW KAWAII!! haha that bitch bulma dunno what's coming her way, MWHAHAHAHAHA!! awesome job, cute story!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - anon on May 10, 2005
    "Inserting a finger into Goku’s tight heart, he began to prepare his peace of meat for the fucking of a life time"

    That is one of the least erotic things I've read in my entire life.

    Get a beta reader. Or a spell checker. Do some research or get laid... something to give you a feel for the pleasures of the flesh. Then come back and try again.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - malimillions on May 01, 2005
    Yay! Uke goku!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Veggie\'s Slave on April 07, 2005
    Hehe...Bakkarot....Hehe
    Report Review

  • From ANON - kit-kit on April 06, 2005
    wow great story the whole thing was so kinky and to think goku planed it.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Camaro on April 06, 2005
    BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! OH my God, this is gonna be mean but look at this sentence. Look at it!

    Inserting a finger into Goku’s tight heart, he began to prepare his peace of meat for the fucking of a life time.

    .... Inserting a finger into his HEART? Hahaha I think you meant heat but I just about leaked my pants on that one. I'm all reading.. yada yada yada.. lemon lemon... HEART? What kinda sick nicrophilia shit is this?! Good LORD! Some sick sick S and M shit went through my mind I'll tell ya that much.

    Massaging the puckered opening in Goku’s ass, Vegeta turned his attention to a hard nipple.

    I don't know why I hate that "Puckered Opening" phrase, but I personally find it hideous. A lot of authors use that saying (good ones) and I still find it quite vomit-inducing myself.

    When another finger pushed into him, he winced, pain lacing up his spine.

    Actually, it doesn't really hurt when you get a finger shoved up your butt.

    ::realizes she just said that allowed::

    Well.. uhhh.. let's just put that in the "WAY too much information" pile and call it a day eh? Good lord.

    He couldn’t even begin to fathom what that wonderful sensation was, even if he could think strait enough to analyze his position

    I think "strait" is meant to be spelled "straight".... although snort* snort* I guess that particular word doesn't have much to do with this story now does it?! PUN! PUN!

    Vegeta couldn’t resist, he bit the other’s throat at the junction between that perfect neck and broad shoulders. A mark meant to show a claim and a bond. Goku whimpered at the pain, even as his body began to tremble and shake, orgasm reaching out to grasp the large Saiyan.

    Oh joy. Glad we're keeping up with originality here. I can't stand cliche fics. What a surprising way to end a sex scene.

    ::puts butterknife back into "SARCASM" jar::

    You HAD hope for some actual plot ::Audience gasps:: when you wrote this...

    They never heard the door open, or see the surprised look upon a certain blue haired woman’s face.

    Yet, oddly enough, she's never mentioned again. Way to tie up loose ends. All joking aside though, this wasn't terrible. I think it's as shallow and empty as your other one, completely void of purpose or plot but your writing style as a whole isn't bad. I'd like to see something that has possibly been beta-ed and has a storyline. We have enough boring, terribly done one shots on this site. Do something creative and try to surprise us next time. You write well enough, now show us some fucking creativity.

    Camaro

    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!