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Reviews for First Time

By : DrawFire
  • From ANON - studio, being much too lazy to actually sign in on July 09, 2005
    That was really well written. I am SO a fan of yours. I didn't find much when it comes to mistakes however.... I did find one little bit that was a bit confusing.

    What you wrote >>>> "Tala and Kai were currently out with Lee and Ray and Gary and Mariah were in China still."

    What should be done to fix it >>>> "Tala and Kai were currently out with Lee and Ray [insert comma] and Gary and Mariah were in China still."

    The end result >>>> "Tala and Kai were currently out with Lee and Ray, and Gary and Mariah were in China still."


    It's just a bit of an awkward sentence because of all the names and the 'and's, so by putting a little pause in it helps to clear up any confusion.

    Apart from that though, this was absolutely perfect! *Clapclapclap!*

    ~studio~
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