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Reviews for Trunk\'s hand

By : bloodyrose2310
  • From ANON - Casandra on June 11, 2006
    While I like your idea of Diffrent males and female roles in there race, I was a bit confusing and everything went by to fast and not enough on how Trunks felt about everything. I would love to read more if you put it out but please get a beta it was hard to follow and I am intrested in the plot you have.
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  • From chayron on November 24, 2005
    Ummm… You probably wonder why no one left any reviews only gave two, then three stars. Actually I’m not very skilled in giving advices, but as nobody else wanted to do that… So, just have in mind that this is only MY opinion.

    Ok, so first of all – I didn’t get if you wanted it to be a serious story, or a comedy. If at first you tried to show drama, later it got funny. That nonsense about Vegeta babbling about wanting a proper and honorable mate for his son, and then challenging Son males… You know, you had to choose either a different motivation or create a different situation… The situations are a great deal...unrealistic.

    Actually I liked the idea of Bulma taking out her frustration and despair on her son. The very beginning of the story, where Bulma was rocking her son to sleep, was disturbing – I don’t mean anything bad, I mean that I got squirmy while reading those first scenes; I though of them as about very realistic. I also liked the idea of Vegeta having to take care of his crippled son. But the thing is that while you write about things like this, you yourself either seem not to care about it enough, or not to manage to describe them properly, I mean to put more feeling and emotion into what you do. The sentences are short and cuffed (though somewhere they are even too long and with a very bad punctuation): bam to the ground – Trunks is an invalid, bam – Vegeta and he go to the space, then bam – Vegeta wants a mate for his son. It seems like you only need the beginning to go to your main destination – a tournament for a mate. Ok, sure you did that all to get to your destination, but don’t do that so helter-skelter. Instead you could have made several chapters, you could have shown the tragedy. As told, in the end I thought that the story turned into the comedy. And what about Trunks himself?

    Ok, another thing is your spelling and punctuation. Well sure, I should keep my mouth shut, but if it disturbs even me, you really have to think about getting a beta.

    Well, I think these are the main problems in this story.

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