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Reviews for Tourniquet Divine

By : Revu
  • From ANON - omnibeeman on July 17, 2009
    Well, I guess this review is a bit over due. I know we discussed the story a bit... I think there is some self-immersion here lol. However, the story is amazing. I am not too sure the reason for naming the chapters after Linkin Park's Meteora album... and if you continue this story at some point (which you should!) whether you will include the bonus tracks to the album meaning it may not be as close to conclusion yet... unless you are planning a short sequel or epilogue ^_^

    I like the longer length of the chapters and this story definitely makes me wonder what would happen if you were writing for the series today lol. I also agree that the action is really hot... however, some advice would be to ensure the characters' inner emotions are portrayed or implied. I know you have to maintain point of view etc. but sometimes you achieve it while at others I am wondering what X is thinking about the situation.

    I love what you've done with Vegeta and Bulma plus the whole compound. Maybe if you truly develop a story, a map can be drawn up which will lend itself to interior illustrations plus character pics. Was the Vegeta brain plot a reference to RoboCop? That's what was running through my mind during the story lol.

    Anyways, this is an amazing story, probably my favorite thus far. If you need help with anything, or more advice/ideas, let me know!

    Take care ^_^
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  • From Tru6768 on January 08, 2009
    I just started reading this fic for the first time when you updated it recently. I'm glad to see that you're continuing it despite the lack of reviews. I will pass on a piece of advice I received from a wise friend of mine who has been writing dbz yaoi for years...Goten/Trunks or Gohan/Trunks stories will only ever be popular in their own little circles, so you can't expect as many reviews as some of the other stories get, esp. Goku/Vegeta. These pairings (although they are my favorite!) are sometimes just considered "niche" pairings. This is also a personal observation. Some people may disagree. But keep your chin up and keep writing as long as you're having fun :)

    Anyway, this story has a creative plot, well-developed original characters, and lots of hot lemony action. I am enjoying how Trunks is very forward and Gohan is more awkward about their relationship. Also, I was surprised to see that you changed their ages, but that is the beauty of the alt-universe.

    The only constructive criticism I would offer is to continue to work on improving the vocabulary and flow of your story. You have a lot of creativity and your story is well developed. However, sometimes throwing words like "butt crack" in the middle of sex scene can be distracting :) Do you have a beta-reader? They can often help with little things like that. I hope you don't mind my comment on this topic. Anyway, I look forward to the next update :)
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  • From ANON - Guice on January 06, 2009
    You're back!!!

    Geeze I missed this story! I re-read the whole thing just now and I'm getting really excited for the upcoming chapters! And let me tell you, if any of them are as hot as the newest chapter... well... *blush*

    I really like where the plot is going and the end where Haru asks for the transformation was a great surprise. I thought you were indicating 17 at first... well, who knows it might just be 17 XD

    I'm glad you're back and I'll be waiting for more.

    Guice
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  • From daisyINSANEangel on November 28, 2008
    Oh.... I was hoping for an update and it was just editing then, huh? Well, it's good to see that you're working on the story at least. I had thought that maybe the story had been abandoned at one point.

    Hopefully to see a new chapter soon though, right? Looking forward to it.

    ~daisy
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  • From Mikinyet on April 03, 2007
    Great story can't wait to find out what's going to happen when Freeza arrives.
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  • From SonSofia on March 07, 2007
    Alright, I'll admit, I'm STUNNED to see that this fic doesn't have more reviews. Wow. I mean, really. It's good, you should space out the paragraphs, but other than that, great plot and stuff. A few minor errors, but I just can't see why no one else reviewed. It's long, nice, and you worked hard on it. Damn, that sucks.
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  • From ANON - daisyINSANEangel on January 07, 2007
    Yes, c'est moi! Aww that chapter was so sweet... Gohan and Trunks fluff. So cute! Tres bien! I'm looking forward to more chapters.... I'm new to aff and was wondering. Is there any sort of update list like at ff.net or something?

    By the way, Thanks for aknowledging me in your chapter, much appreciated! Ciao.

    ~daisy
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  • From daisyINSANEangel on December 19, 2006
    Awsome story so far... Nice plot, demi-Saiyans and Freiza's domination... hope you update soon!!!
    ~daisy
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 07, 2006
    Oh. KAKAROT? Not, Cackarot.
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