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Reviews for Beckoner of Your Heart

By : FMAlover81
  • From yaoigurl06 on September 26, 2007
    This is a good story...the pace is a bit fast...but its a great story...I can't believe Ed was dumb enough to get shot! I mean Hello! your suppose to duck! Update soon please!!!
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  • From AmethystEyedKoneko on September 22, 2007
    Not bad! Not bad at all! It's a bit awkwardly worded in a few spots (i.e. "He then set the glass on the table as well before getting up. He guided himself to the porch to look at the many stars that shown their beauty tonight." I think, "He then set the glass on the table before he stood and guided himself to the porch to look at the many stars that shown their beauty tonight.", might work better. Also, "All of his hair still in contact and jet black. Not one single grey hair. He bent his head once more, his bangs covering his eyes, giving them a darker look.", could be improved if it was worded, "All of his hair still intact and jet black, not one single grey hair. He bent his head down once more, his bangs covering his eyes, giving them a darker look.". Just a suggestion.) but other than that I think you're off to a great start! It's nothing a good beta couldn't fix. :)
    Please continue!
    Koneko =^.^=
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