Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Reviews for Out of Sight, Out of Mind

By : Asper

From Asper on September 28, 2008
I know, I know. I have not updated this story in forever. Let me explain...

I started school again in early September, and did not have time to work on the story any longer. Between my two majors, involvement in clubs, design work, my part time job, and the prelimary stuff in writing a real novel I haven't had time to think about it.

What is likely to happen is this: In December, maybe a little earlier, I will update the story. Each chapter will be updated to include better dialogue, more enthralling character interaction, and more seamless events. Then, I will add days 6, 7, and the epilogue.

This will be known as the "Fevered Dreams" edit. Until then, I wouldn't recommend reading this story. The main plot and characterization will remain, but you may want to review the changes later if you've the time and... you care enough to do it :P
Report Review
From Tru6768 on September 26, 2008
This story is excellent! I haven't seen so many well-thought-out story lines come together so flawlessly since maybe the last episode of seinfeld aired, what, 10 years ago?? You are an awesome writer and I am literally on my knees begging for more! Where are Day 6 and 7??????? :-D
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on September 03, 2008
Whew, I finally finished this story. I'm not normally this slow a reader, but between school, updating my fic every day and reading a few other's, I tend to get slowed down quite a bit.

Anyway...what an intense story! I especially liked the explanation of the virus, that was very interesting, a bit hard to follow but still intriguing to read!

Your descriptions are rather well too, I enjoy reading the way some of your words just flow together and form together this rather intense and wonderful piece of writing. Some grammar mistakes do pull away from the actual enjoyment factor of the descriptions though. I used to beta a lot so my eyes immediately zero in on any mistake I see, nothing I can do about that though.

I like the overall plot line of this story, it's very clever and brilliant if I do say so myself. Like I said before (at some point) I don't normally read stories like this but yours is definitely an exception!

Can't wait to read and find answers to all the questions zooming around in my mind right now!

Great job, amazing work, wonderful story!

Love always,

Talitha.
Report Review
From Zofo on August 04, 2008
That was some complicated explanation for the Gyraida Virus. Not sure I quite followed it, but loved reading it. Android 10 seems even more regretful after he heard what Cell became, almost to the point of rejecting his programming.

Thank goodness Gohan finally got away from Dende. He's hardly the guardian of Earth anymore, letting it go to hell in a handbag just to satisfy his personal gravings. I wonder if there will be serious consequences for him later.

Suspected Chichi was dying of cancer, but was surprised you threw her a lifeline with Gohan being a possible donor. Now he's away from Dende that's a distinct possibility, but where does that leave Goku and Vegeta? Talking of which, where is Vegeta?

Your writing is so intense and descriptive it's like watching a film. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on August 04, 2008
This is not normally the type of story I read but since you were so kind to review my stories, I thought I'd return the favor. I like the idea of the story but I have to admit, there was something somewhat awkward about the way the first chapter was written. I can't quite place it but it didn't seem to flow right. I also noticed there were a few issues with grammar and some awkward description. That's not to say it was bad but a couple of times it seemed a little forced. I have this problem at times too.

I did, however, like the interactions between Dende and Piccolo and Trunks and Goten. Some of it was a little dramatic but pleasant nonetheless. I've never read a story with Dende and Gohan before but it certainly will be interesting. Dende's attraction to Gohan is a little unnerving to read, it almost seems like an obsession. That would definitely add a lot of tension to the story.

This is a rather complex story line, I can tell. You've certainly got talent if you're able to pull it off, which I have no doubt that you will. You seem to be a rather talented writer :D
Report Review
From ANON - topbear on August 02, 2008
this story is beautiful!!!

You have brilliant plot. I am so hooked. I love the love triangles between picolo and dende and gohan. I especially love how you describe the relationship between goku and chichi after the affair. Don't get me wrong, I am a hard core kaka x vege fan. But most story turned chichi into a bully. I always think there are pletny feelings between them, esp from chichi's side, she love goku, in a hard way.

Anyway I am so intrigued. Vegeta must knew what is happening hence avoide goku. what would happy next? I so look forward to read more. Please update soon. oh, take your time too. Good thing takes time and I am patient. deep breath.
Report Review
From ANON - Foxxy Jones on August 01, 2008
Amazing! I really enjoyed the myriad amounts of conflict in this chapter.Dende is just getting more clingy and Gohan is coming off as heartless now that I read chichi scene. This chapter was so depressing yet so deliciously good! Keep up the good work. only two more days to go.
Report Review
From emudii on August 01, 2008
Wow. This story is... STACKED. The intensity just never quits. D:

I am a little disappointed to learn that it's going to be wrapping up so soon. I've never thought I'd say something like that, before. I usually just want the point and resolution. But I cannot fathom how you're going to wrap this up in (possibly) three (or less) chapters--with the way things are going, it feels like we've only reached the halfway point of plot exposition. Likely, it'll be with a stupendous BANG. OMG SUPER CONCENTRATED EXPLOSION OF... awesome.

As you can see, you have blown my mind. Gigantic, rambling review complete with capslock abuse and no actual reaction to the chapter itself. Because I can't begin to think of what I want to glorify. Maybe all of it. Definitely all of it. It's perfect. I love your brain. Please keep writing. ♥
Report Review
From Zofo on July 23, 2008
Lovely long chapter with loads happening.

Android 10 is obviously glad he won't be absorbed by Cell, and he's questioning his programming but still going ahead with it, almost like he wants to be noticed and stopped, maybe he doesn't know what else to do. I'm wondering if he is still fully in control of the other androids though as they seem more interested in destroying than having the humans surrender, whereas he seems peaceful and serene.

Shocked at Dende sacrificing the planet in order to be with Gohan, seducing him and almost forcing him into sex to try to make Gohan love him. He is seriously deluded and Gohan needs to put him straight really soon as Dende is turning into a bunny-boiler!

Loved the Gogeta/Gotenks fight but was shocked at the outcome though it paved the way for the best bit of the chapter, Vegeta and Goku almost being fused after mind-blowing sex. Vegeta tried to fight against it, but Goku didn't fight at all hehe. Is Chichi dead and that's why Goku's power failed?

Gripping stuff, wonder what you've got for us next :)
Report Review
From ANON - Foxxy Jones on July 20, 2008
Awesome! This was a nice way to come home from camp and see an update... especially one so well written and epic! Keep up the great work.
Report Review
From topbear1974 on July 19, 2008
woa this story is intense. I love it please write more.
Report Review
From emudii on July 17, 2008
Holy crap. This is getting INTENSE. The plot twist with Cell? BRILLIANT. Never would have seen that coming. And the pace? Is definitely picking up. I'm a little frightened of the speed. Gokuu and Bejita are ALREADY infected, which could mean ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION of the planet between themselves, their sons, and the androids. Gohan is going to be SO PISSED at Dende when he realizes just HOW MUCH has been going on while they've been... distracted.

I actually enjoyed the length on this one. If you decide to make your chapters longer and just take a little while more to put them out, I'm sure people won't mind. This was SO worth the wait. You write and post so quickly, it's almost like not having to wait at all anyway. Great chapter! Keep it up!
Report Review
From princelouis on July 17, 2008
*faints, picks up chair, sits back down, and lick lips*
I love the virus...everyone should catch it...
Report Review
From topbear1974 on July 10, 2008
OMG. I only read two chapters and I love this story. when goku took the underware ad to vegeta I laugh so loud my husband was staring at me. The story combined amusement, tight story line and steaming sex. So promising. I am luck to have anther 2 chapters to read before start to wait for update again. keep up and look forward to your next chapter.
Report Review
From ANON - Foxxy JOnes on July 09, 2008
How awesome to come back and to see TWO updates from you! I love all your chapters so far not a flaw in them, but I wonder how you are going to connect each side story to one another? I understand the Goku and Vegeta and the Gotenks sides intertwining but everything else seems to be separate until the find out about the androids. Guess I have to wait for the next update. Also, I also look forward to the love triangle between Gohan,Dende, and Piccolo. Although Piccolo seems not to care, I think he does cares for Gohan based on his defensiveness about him in chapter one, but he was a total dick to him in the past. I love how you have the flashbacks of piccolo and Gohan together in the story btw. Please update soon!
Report Review