Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Reviews for Boys

By : Caprice

From TheUltimateToken on October 28, 2008
So, I am a Trunks/Goten fan all the way.
However, I am severly picky about it.
I won't read just anything.
However, I could read your stuff allll daay.
This was beyond fantastic.
Between the depth of angst you showed on Trunks end,
to even the sorrows on Goten's side,
I never wanted it to end.
You should definitely continue to write these.
=D
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From Tru6768 on September 17, 2008
Do we want more? Of course we do! Sequel, sequel! :)

I absolutely LOVED the "moving together" memory... It was such a beautiful sentiment and so perfectly placed in the story. And I love what you did in the aftermath of the sex--they just go back to playful banter like nothing happened. Because really, nothing did happen, it's as if they've been *one* all along. Love it, love it. Also, I love how you illustrated the way that Trunks and Goten balance each other, each one giving the other something he doesn't possess himself. Goten giving Trunks hope, and Trunks giving Goten the thrill of being bad. Really beautiful! Oh oh, and I also loved that little bow-before-your-saiyan-prince thing you threw in there. Fucking hot :)

Congrats on your first yaoi--keep it coming!
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From ANON - SamuraiSaaya on August 25, 2008

I loved this one-shot, absolutely loved it. It was not only extremely hott but not once did the characters go OOC. The tension, atmosphere, everything drew the reader in. I loved the way you made Trunks out to be going through a downward spiral and Goten helping him. The sex was scandalous and that just made the story that much more enticing. I especially loved the comments made afterwards, very cute but also very sobering.

Koodos to an amazing peice of fanfiction.
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From emudii on August 13, 2008
Oh, children. You are so lost without each other. (Sorry, I was hoping to read and review this sooner, but I've only just returned from Otakon.)

As we've already exchanged, I was a little worried about how this was going to pan out; it's quite unusual to see these two particular characters get into such a nasty confrontation with one another. The tension was almost unbearable. But they worked out much better than expected and I have to give you props for handling that precarious situation. I also have to commend you for your handling of the sex scene; it was a little odd and a little different, but not in a bad way. And I found it charming that Goten actually ACTED like it was his first time being penetrated—God knows I've seen WAY too many fics wherein the bottom enjoys anal sex WAY TOO MUCH the first time. As if getting your prostate rubbed actually takes away from the fact that your anus is very likely RIPPED. *roll eyes*

If you had a follow-up in mind, I would very much like to read it. Your analysis of the boys, both together and separate, is something of a treat and a real break from the general BLAH of folks assuming that everyone just accepts their TRUE LOVE OMG and just focus on a no-brainer coupling with so-so sex. ♥

The only real concrit I have at this point is for your random usage of Japanese terms. I know I've been guilty of it, back when I was surrounded by Japanese speakers and I spent my days only speaking half my sentences in English; sometimes, some things just don't translate as smoothly or some terms just feel more... accurate... in a different language. But only usually because of a certain connotation expressed in words that can be spoken several different ways. "Kami" and "Chikyuu" don't really fall into that category and are jarring; "chikyuu" moreso because "kami" is generic fangirl japanese. Honorifics, titles, endearments, and ideas (ie, "carpe diem" etc) are cool, but we don't really need anything else—particularly if you do not intend for your characters to interact according to Japanese social standards. Gritty, Americanized conversation should be spoken just so. Japanese conversation is poetic and indirect. (Also, on a lesser level, Dragonball does not take place in Japan; if anything, it originates in China. And West City is the rough, geographic equivalent of America, as evidenced by the canon world maps.) Not a really big issue, but mostly just something small I've noticed about your collective works.
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From saiyajinxyz on August 10, 2008
It took me a bit to get into this story, but it was worth the effort! You can really feel Trunks's loneliness and his despair over discovering what he wants and what is expected of him, the life of a rich boy who has been given everything, but who feels trapped within that life. I always enjoy reading Trunks/Goten stories like this, where Trunks is an ass and Goten is the one who suffers for it. I like them because when things end up working out differently then what both boys expect, they realize that what they are missing in their lives is each other, that they have always been a part of one another's lives and that without each other, their lives would hold infinitely less meaning. I would be interested in reading a sequel, to see if Trunks has gotten over his usage of drugs and is trying to fix up his messed up life for Goten, or how the both of them adjust to this change in their relationship status. Was it only a one night stand, or will they try to turn it into an actual love relationship, even if their parents don't agree. You could take it in so many directions!
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From ANON - Macha on August 09, 2008
Well...I'd have to say Trunks is a lucky bastard to have such a wonderful friend. :)

I knew Goten wouldn't let him drown. LOL...that just wouldn't be Goten.

The yaoi, though I cringe at the thought of no lube (especially for first timers), was lovely. Trunks' OMG-What have I done! Moment after was well written. :P

Nice Caprice. If you don't write more of this, I do hope you write more of something. :P

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From kyuhyun4evr on August 09, 2008
whoot! good lemon! i like the direction the story went in. ^_^ it was even kinda suspenseful, wondering if they would lose their nerve halfway thru the lemon and make a disaster out of everything. i would like to see a sequel to this, cuz there are still alot of unsolved issues in Trunks' life and solving them would make a great storyline.
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From Robyn on August 07, 2008
Well written and colorful. The details are great. I absolutely hate this Trunks. :P I adore this Goten!

Looking forward to part 2.
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From auronsgirlfriend on August 07, 2008
to me i like the Trunks and Goten pairing. the story is pretty good. the two of them just grew up in diffrent worlds as they got older but deep inside they care for one another they didn't have the chance to open up when they got older.
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From kyuhyun4evr on August 06, 2008
the story is definately interesting. it seems that you could turn this story into a multitude of directions, so i will be sticking with it to see how it turns out. good job so far! *thumbs up + Gai's freaky sparkle smile*
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From Pixelgoddess on August 06, 2008
I can buy Trunks doing drugs - his home life has to be fucked up. He's completely unlikeable here - the way his hate and anger spills over Goten is annoying. If they are such close friends, why does Trunks persist in behavior that obviously upsets his friend. (Goten is not his father and that kind of abuse doesn't roll off him in the same way it seems to with Goku.)

There's real tension between these two (one of my favorite pairings) although I don't know how you're going to pull this off. I don't see them becoming a couple, but some brutal, angry, hurt feelings fucking is definitely possible. :) (And can be an entertaining read.) (If I were writing it, Goten would be top and he'd be pushed to his angry limits. It wouldn't be rape, but it would be close. And then he'd walk away.)

I look forward to seeing how you finish this. It's nice to see a good author delve into yaoi. :D
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From ANON - topbear on August 05, 2008
Interesting interact. I like how both denying theri attraction while there are clearly some. They will make cute couple, with Trunks sofistication and Goten's pure and innocence.
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From ANON - topbear on August 05, 2008
Caprice!!!!

I can't believe you are here! Is my prayer to god finally answered? No I am kidding I don't pray something like that. Anyway I never ever expected in next million years you are going to write yaoi. I thought you are hard core het fan.

But welcome! *threw both arms open*. I guess you were a bit like me. I was hard core het fan until two years ago. Then ban! like I hit my head on the bedboard, or something strange happened in my life, I started to check yaoi stories and got hooked. Here I am. Who knows what life will bing. Let's just enjoy whatever DB can bring.

Now run over to read your story.
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From emudii on August 05, 2008
You're right about these two being EXTREMELY OBVIOUS. I've had my fair share of people say that—particularly those who don't actually support yaoi.

I'm a little conflicted by how this is unfolding. On the one hand, we all knew that growing up with too much money, too much drama, and two whacked out parents would give Trunks ISSUES. And of course being a poor country boy would shelter Goten and allow him to be a sweetheart idealist. But this is razor sharp... as devoted as Goten is, I keep expecting him to walk out and for their friendship to take a serious blow. There is a LOT of verbal abuse going on, and being tripped out on coke like that, I would assume that that is the real way Trunks feels about his best friend. Nasty.
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