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Reviews for As Loyalty Can Be

By : Kimmy
  • From saiyajinxyz on October 07, 2008
    Vegeta always was a loner at parties and gatherings, and he never really made much of an effort to be friendly with others, but it's painful to read about how the z-senshi think so little of him after he did so much during the Cell games and during Buu, even though he muddled up quite a bit. I am happy that Goku can sense that Vegeta does care and that his friends actions are hurtful. As for Bulma breaking up with Vegeta, I'm glad that in your story, it isn't because she dislikes him. It's because she realizes that things won't be able to continue the way they were and that she isn't who Vegeta needs. I really love this story already. Your writing is wonderful, and I can't wait for another update.
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  • From ANON - MeLaiya on October 06, 2008
    loving it but it should definately be longer.
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  • From DarkSerapha on October 06, 2008
    ...

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    guh. *is absolutely flabbergasted*

    This is.. this story is absolutely... PERFECT.

    And I mean that in every possible sense of the word. After reading the first two chapters I got so intrigued I just had to track down the rest of it that's already published. You have achiveed what nothing could achieve for years - you have made me set foot in the dreaded wastelands of fanfiction.net.

    I'm.. utterly fascinated. Astounded. You say english is only your second language, and true, there are a few misspellings and grammatical mistakes. But your GRASP on the language.. it's impeccable! The way you write.. it's like a ballet of words, like a delicate, intricate dance of letters. The way you capture both Goku's and Vegeta's personalities. The way you advance the story, in such a quiet, inobtrusive, natural way. the way everything just flows together, comes together at the right moment as if it was always meant to be that way... Wow. I mean.. this isn't a particulalry sad nor angsty story, but a few times I had tears in my eyes just from the sheer beauty of the scene, the loveliness of a particular thought or metaphor. ... It's almost enough to render me speechless. It's been a long time since I've read anything that has captivated me as much as this story has.

    I just wanted to thank you for giving this story to us, the readers. I very much hope you will continue writing in this fandom. We need more writers like you.
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  • From Zofo on October 02, 2008
    This is a really good story so I'm glad you are starting to post it here. However, I'm up to chapter 12 at the other place so I'll review it there else I'll confuse myself by reviewing different parts of the story at the same time. Hope you don't mind :)
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  • From ANON - melaiya on October 02, 2008
    i want more. Please update soon
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  • From Dragon7 on October 02, 2008
    Wow. This sounds very promising! I look forward to your next update!!
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  • From saiyajinxyz on October 02, 2008
    This is off to a terrific start. I know there are some readers out there who don't care for chapters with a lot of introspection and character self-talk, but I am the opposite. I love reading stories that really try to get inside a characters mind and show what it is they are thinking. I also happen to write this way, so that could be part of it as well.

    You write very descriptively, and I had no trouble feeling and understanding Vegeta's mood and thoughts. He spent so many years of his life wasted at the hands of a despot, and he spent much of that time thinking of ways to eradicate that particular tyrant from his life, trying to come up with some self-validation by becoming the strongest. When Goku took away what he considered to be his calling in life, it had a very profound effect on him. Yet, in the end, he does acknowledge Kakarrot as the stronger of the two. I love how you showed all of this, and how you also extrapolated Vegeta's own loneliness and lack of companionship; how he has never really fit in with Bulma's crowd since most still view him as a loose card. I look forward to seeing how is decision to go to the party and his acknowledgment of the change of his feelings towards Goku from enemy to comrade will develop as the story progresses.

    I know that this is probably a really long review for a first chapter, but I just wanted you to know that I love your writing style and I hope this encourages you to update.
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