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Reviews for The Dark and Light side of Love

By : animeslave18

From unattainableslutvegeta on June 08, 2009
Hmm.
How about a response.. to your response.. and then I will get on with the reviews?

-shifts narrowed eyes at the hug, though remaining still to allow it, arms folded tightly across chest in obvious discomfort-
Alright.
Hand over the Kakarott plushie, and we will be even.

Movingthehellon.

1.
As a point that does not particularly matter, I do not usually flame, other than in an extreme circumstance. I am superior to such foolishness, particularly when to flame so elaborately would have taken far too much of my precious time. Unless something is *seriously* wrong.. and it just sucks.. I do not bother with that which is beneath me.
I have somewhat of a humor deficiency myself.. so I..
-brow raise, thoughtful expression and carefully chosen words-
will be glad.. that you are glad.. that I think.. you are, perhaps.. hilarious.
I know that 'Prince' mistake is an easy one to make. I believe you had asked in a note whether no one else had noticed you doing it, upset in what appears to be your trademark fashion.. so.. I pointed it out to you where I saw it. Entirely understandable and innocuous error. Keep your hair on, would you?
I agree entirely.. I do not think that people should write about something without having their facts straight, unless they *intend* to butcher it.. in which case, that is their prerogative. However, they should be aware of their nonsense and make no attempts to pass it off as accurate.
Fucking pisses me off.. like most things.
Yes, this Vegeta is extremely.. eerily.. similar to myself.. I have never before read a fic where I thought a character could have been made for me personally. Seeing as we do not know each other in the least, it a huge reason that I have taken so much interest.
If you did want any assistance with whatever lemon, or anything, do let me know. No trouble, feel free.
Ah. I only require about 2 hours of sleep each 24 hour cycle, though I often function at full capacity on less. Sleep can be nice.. but I am very busy.

2.
I like Vegeta's father dead and Bardock as he is, yes. I think, for the Kakarott we have here, his father is a necessary supporter.. if you wanted to keep him until the time is right to off him as a literary device, forcing Kakarott to come into his own as King.. -shrugs-
I really.. do not like to see the clown sad, however.. so I will be squeamish about that as a possibility.
I love Vegeta as a seme or uke, really.. I am not one of those who have a strict preference. Rather, it has to suit my mood.. which has been totally submissive lately.
-stares at ceiling with best possible gaze of blank innocence-
Naturally, I could not help but notice the differences between Lights and Shadows.. I was looking for them carefully, actually.
I love jealousy. Makes my fucking day. -rubs hands together in a like fashion- I cannot wait.

3.
No, no. It was perfectly good enough. A whip is fairly standard, but you detailed the abuse so well overall that such a trivial thing does not matter.
Ah, as far as Kakarott having known who Vegeta was before.. that is what I had thought you meant. I only wanted to make certain because knowing that adds a flavor I would have been missing if unsure.
You have all good points about their meeting place and surrounding circumstances. Well explained, and understood.
Don't worry about what you think you could have explained better..
most of my queries are only for clarification's sake. Sometimes, I may simply want to see what your answer will be. I want to be exactly where you are coming from to appreciate the story to it's fullest. As far as consistency and coherency's sake, this is *amazing* for a first time. Truly. I love it. You are doing awesome.. continue as you have been, please.
If you are ever happy enough with the story and want to go back, do a revamp to make it entirely perfect, as many writers do even after the first publication, I would be happy to help with whatever you need.
Write more, worry less.
When I say something is 'classic', it is most assuredly good, yes.

I fully comprehend everything that you detailed here.. excellent job.
Thank you for answering my questions.
You are welcome for the reviews.

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From Zofo on June 07, 2009
Vegeta was was so much agony and Kakarot was breaking his little heart out crying. I don't know who I felt more sorry for :(

Made me laugh when Vegeta was saying to himself that he wouldn't dress like a Light. That's my Vegeta! I feel he should still be a little dark even after being turned. He is a king afterall.

Why doesn't Vegeta want Kakarot to give him energy? Doesn't he know Kakarot would give his soul for him let alone his energy. Guess it cos he's so out of it at the moment. Hope they contiue to force it into him.

So, some mpreg on the way, oh goody, but who will get preggers or will both of them, and will the result be a gray? Can't wait to find out :)

Let me know when you do your Vegeta pic, and if you do one of Kakarot or them together that would be fab too :)
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From unattainableslutvegeta on June 07, 2009
Oh.
And throw the Dark Vegeta plushies to the peasantry, if you must... -shudders-
but...
BUT!!
-evil, narrowed gaze-
I hereby claim EXCLUSIVE rights to the Light Kakarott plushie.
It is mine.
No one else's.
I fucking want it.
-extends gloved hand, possessive growl, tail thrashing in impatience-
Now.
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From unattainableslutvegeta on June 07, 2009
#5

I was excited to get to this chapter...
and am positively thrilled to know that this is MPREG. I do so anxiously await that.
-stares through narrowed eyes in an attempt to discern mentioned hair color-
This is my official reminder that you should not yet take your limbs for granted, my precious.
-sadistic smirk-
But, as I so often say...
movingthehellon.

This was an impressive plan.. I was somewhat pissed about it at first, a sure sign of a *decent* tactic, at least..
not of Kakarott's mind to be certain.. -shrugs- but infuriating all the same.
So, the Shadow hideout *was* cleverly hidden, hmm? There is minimal consolation in that..
not that Kakarott would likely have *any* realistic notion of what 'cleverly hidden' would actually be..
but... hn. Whatever.
I was happy to see that he had enough sense to let that one Shadow go in order to retrieve Vegeta.. uncommonly sound rationale on his part, if I do say so myself.
Obviously, I am falling everywhere in excitement over Vegeta's appearance. I do not know that I will be able to rave about much else, being so overjoyed about it.
Fucking perfect.
I could tell you about those colors I like so much again.. you knew that was coming. His ensemble sounds entirely, totally sexy... the coat!!
I MUST possess the fucking coat!! Unbelievable..
The way you described him head-to-toe was nice, the lack of respiration and dead eyes. The soulless quality that you gave his gaze and the noted change in his voice went a long way to show that some changes had been made, and though they may not be as striking to the casual observer, they were utterly heartbreaking to the one who knows him most intimately.
Allow me to rant further.
The malicious smile, unwavering stare and simple 'kill them.'
You have to already know I would appreciate this.
So well-hidden is Vegeta's love, his longing.. though you and I are aware of just how deeply it's burning, it is concealed without flaw beneath his cold exterior.. even from Kakarott.
Violently, ruthlessly, bloodthirsty sexy.
You even managed to make him attractive to me, which is hardly typical.
The aura of his arrival is evil and powerful.. you give him such a presence here, which I was so glad to see done so effectively. This is one area that I think some authors could have totally fucked, in my not-so-humble opinion.. as I have mentioned before, I am a picky bastard when it comes to all things Vegeta. I would say without question I know how it should be done, and why.
This was seamless.
So....
gracious as I am..
you will be permitted to comfortably keep all of your appendages..
for now.

*My love will be so pissed. (The obligatory Kakarott stating the obvious. Nice.)
*That�s right. Go tell him that we are here. Tell him that I am waiting for him.
*My light brown tail sways sensuously, thinking about what my love could look like after all these years.
*He looks right at me and he slowly approaches our group and signals his men to stay where they are. No one else is moving. Me, I can�t even breathe, let alone move. He�s so lovely. He�s hardly changed in appearance since the last time I saw him. Except his attire is different. A tight, dark red tank top over that small, muscular chest. A chest that doesn�t move. No sign of inhaling or exhaling. I suddenly struggle to start breathing again and continue to study him. Loose black pants, black boots�my eyes move back up�and a sleeveless, tattered, black overcoat that reaches to his knees. I stop my wandering eyes to stare at his face. He�s still the same. That beautiful, pale face. I then made the mistake by looking into his eyes. They haven�t left me. Those cold, lifeless eyes. Those aren�t the same eyes as I remember. I remember innocence and sorrow being in those endless pools. Now I just see�nothing. No emotion whatsoever.
*He continues to stare at me a little longer, before his lifeless eyes finally let go of their hold on me and moved across the rest of our group. He smiled. Not that innocent smile that I loved so much, but a malicious one. A shiver wracked my body.
*His cold gaze came over to me again and it stayed there. Then, he said something so cold that I knew it would forever haunt my dreams. A deep, chilling voice said, �Kill them.� I don�t know that voice.
*I have to show him�no mercy.
*�Did you miss me, my love?�

As promised, 6 and 7 are forthcoming..

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From unattainableslutvegeta on June 07, 2009
#4..

The immediate and shameless impatience is lovely.. you can nearly see how Vegeta is going mad within the first section, one moment thinking the situation nearly hopeless, though with a renewed sense of confidence at the end. This is definitely not the extremes of sanity, by any means, but he is certainly pushing it..
This entire chapter reeks of Vegeta's skill in battle, his taste for a good strategy.. and his characteristic anger when things do not go as planned. The blow of being outdone here is lessened by the fact that he will see his love regardless, his attitude towards their unlikely victory further giving away the shape of his heart- he could not really give a shit less if they win, or who dies.. as long as he is met with Kakarott, one way or another. Both his ruthless tendencies and adoring nature are exposed by his consideration of Bardock' murder... he would certainly do it, if only for the mere inconvenience the former King has caused.. but the idea is immediately and easily dismissed because it would bring sadness upon his love. I also liked very much the mention that Kakarott is not intellectually adequate to provide any such difficulties as the ones encountered in this chapter.. Vegeta is totally honest with himself about where his love's strengths and weaknesses lie.. a vital ingredient for true love.
I adore the cursing.. so fun, so appropriate.. I am forever spewing the word 'fuck', which seems to be an entirely natural thing for any good, in character Vegeta to be doing as well.. I abhor when writers water him down to something as Funimation-approved as 'great galaxies!!'
Keep the 'fuck' coming. -smirks-
Speaking of which...
things really do get all fucked up for him in this chapter. Granted, he makes a quick and impressive recovery, despite the damage that moron did by ordering most of the group to remain as they were. What a fucking ass! -grumbles- Anyhow, yes.. nicely done in the way you established an initial strategy, analyzed all angles upon the change of variables, and implemented a new plan. I.. am not one to admit this.. afuckinggain.. but.. that would have been my course of action, given the abrupt alteration of circumstances.. so...
-scowls in recovery-
you got lucky. Hn. Congratulations.
Heh...
moving the hell on.
Ah.. Haru's love makes him sick? Heheh.. I think that, despite such a sentiment, his apologetic comment is admirable. Yes.. he smirked, is sickened by the others affection for him.. yet acknowledges his loyalty and even takes pity on his guard for their unrequited love. Tch. And you know what? That bastard *is* a coward, taking into account that nonsensical and nauseating whining at the end!! I can see why Vegeta could not love him in return, Kakarott or no. Ugh.. Haru *annoyed* me there. He is going to have to be A LOT more impressive to pose any threat whatsoever to our beautiful, beloved King of the Lights.. DAMMIT!! I want to see some badass jealousy, some fucking fire from this 'loyal guard'!! It's all well and good that he might love his King enough to want his happiness, even if it lies with another.. that's fucking sweet. BUT IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT!! -nearly throttles author in fury, opting instead to casually fold arms across chest and shift a deceptively expressionless glance, lazy tone- Something must be done to rectify this. Haru must cease to be so fucking pathetic.
His bitch level.. must.. go.. down.
I have some suggestions.
-purrs while smirking teasingly, waving tail in a beckoning, flirtatious motion- do you.. want them?
(I do need you to update, so while your far more heathenish method of persuasion is delectably tempting..
I will attempt this route before gleefully severing any limbs.)

*He�s my little addiction. ('Little'.. heheh... heh.. you know there is too much I could say about this.. but I won't.)
*It�s almost getting to where we�re attacking every night. I need him. So bad. (Entirely. Sexy. Desperation.)
*I hate to say it but, Kakarot isn�t exactly that intelligent to give us this hard of a time.
*The last thing I want to see is tears in his eyes. In those precious, innocent eyes. Sorrow does not belong in them.
*I say all this with my back facing him. (Hmph. *Good*.)
*Uh. I hate waiting. I want him now. Now, now, NOW! (That annoying little twat from Willy Wonka on motherfucking SPEED. And just what is tastier than chocolate? -smirks widely- That's right.)
*I want him to want it.
*Where the fuck are they?!� Damn it!! I want him! I want him! (I love the rage, divided between what he does and does not actually say.)
*�Tell me, was that decision yours to make?� I asked him calmly. I love putting fear in them.
*Shit!! Now they have the upper hand! What plan could they have possibly thought of to mess us up this much?! Okay, think. Where could they possibly be hiding at? Damn I�m thirsty. My army is thirsty and we have no food to prey upon. Shit. They�ve really planned this. The more thirsty we get, the weaker we become. (Rapid progression of profanity and strategic musings.. yay.)
*Sunrise isn�t waiting! (Also known as 'hurry the FUCK up.' Ha.)
*What pisses me off more than anything is how they fucking found them in the first place!
*I smirked slightly. He�s so loyal, it makes me sick. It�s so obvious that he�s in love with me. I�m sorry my loyal pet. My cold, dead heart has been taken by another. Another who�s heart is warm and alive.
*Though, an untamed Kakarot does sound very erotic, but I also care about that warmness that he possesses.
*Of course, that�ll never happen. (Mmmmhmmmm. -patronizing tone, eyeroll- ..keep telling yourself that... you know you fucking want it.)
*I knew it. I fucking knew it!
*Hn. Coward. (-grunts, glares, is STILL pissed about this-)
*I�m coming for you and you can�t hide from me. (I guess we could quibble over who exactly came for who, here.. but it doesn't matter. The outcome is somewhat happily the same.)

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From unattainableslutvegeta on June 06, 2009
And #3...

The introduction to Vegeta's father was perfectly strong, and well-placed. It was appropriate that you put it here to preface the lover's meeting in his recollection. I much prefer to see what is actually upsetting the character, than it just being implied, as many stories do. It lends perspective, which in this case, is violent and depressing. Nice, setting the stage for character formation and the justification of future events. Showing that, based on the immediate reaction here, the abuse of Vegeta began prior to the age of 13, establishes a pervasively harmful and unhealthy situation.
Vegeta' awe-struck inability to speak upon first seeing Kakarott is perfect in conjunction with the other's innocent, good-hearted questioning. Their interaction is flawless, particularly the dialogue that rages in Vegeta's head, wanting to punch the other for his pity, though considering him gorgeous, unable to harm Kakarott's beautiful face.. heh.. there you go.. being so in character again. Love it.
Kakarott is within his element as well, fearlessly touching a suspected Shadow, only to confirm his suspicions then catch the other before he falls to the ground.. tenderly rubbing the wounds, holding Vegeta and offering to help.. naturally leading to *someone* throwing a perfectly-timed temper tantrum, that is.
-smirks-
Their first meeting could not have ended any better.. you did this in such a lovely manner. Kakarott's offer, Vegeta's subsequent intoxication and the awkward tension that followed.
-sighs blissfully-
And then, back to the father. It is worth noting that the exchange between Vegeta and his love and the following incident with his tormentor provides an accurate framework for the turmoil that will characterize the young royal's life.. the extremes. His existence will fluctuate wildly between moments of bittersweet joy with Kakarott, to the depths of desperate pain while separated from him and in the clutches of his ruthless parent. More character building.. this sort of life is guaranteed to take a heavy toll on anyone, no matter how strong.
This first rape is suitably sadistic, eerily so. It shows the sick possessiveness of the then-King, not to an overpowering or unbelievable extent. Your unflinching illustration of the pain, the blood and anger are all well-placed and done in such a way that the reader would want revenge were they in that position. Vegeta's agony is made tangible, no doubt.
And then, 5 years later and the development of a relationship.
So, do I have this correctly when it seems Kakarott knew that Vegeta was the Prince of Shadows when they first met, yet continued to see him despite the fact?
It does seem odd to me that they always agreed to meet in the afternoon, and outside of Shadow territory... is the sun not just as harmful to Vegeta as the night is to Kakarott? Consistently biased ground, given there is a trust issue. I am curious to know how this spot was permanently established, as I would think Kakarott would insist upon protecting his love and putting himself in harm's way.. conversely, Vegeta may have been stubborn enough to counteract that. But Kakarott would also have far less consequence from his father, or so I would think, were they found out.. he would have been the more natural choice to take the risk, in my opinion. Then again, they could just be keeping to how it was when they first met, as their continued companionship was unspoken, both showing up without any spoken plan in the beginning.
Of course, they both wanted to be there.. they just did not have to talk about it, did not have to say it.
I like the progression from Vegeta's indignant attitude to Kakarott's pity during their first meeting, to his perspective here, forgiving the other because he is in love.
There is a 'next level' to the relationship mentioned here, though I confess myself unsure of what it is. It does not seem that the two would be physically compatible enough to actually make love, although some degree of such intimacy is evidenced by Kakarott's hand on Vegeta's inner thigh and the.. scar inspection.
I would like to know exactly how far these two were able to go before their love was interrupted.. it is a burning question that will have a huge impact on any advice I have to offer later on.
Vegeta's stubbornness and iron will are felt so strongly in his need to take his own revenge, his resolve to maintain whatever little control he can have over his own fate, his own destiny. He knows Kakarott's help is available, but wants the burden upon himself. I would like to think that this is for both selfish and unselfish reasons.. the Vegeta we all know and love would take this same course of action, but in my mind, Kakarott's purity plays at least a small role. Even if he was not too proud, too determined to accept his love's assistance, he would refuse it on the basis of not wanting Kakarott to intervene, wishing his love's hands to stay clean of his dirty life and deed.. that is my overly, hopelessly romantic take on it, anyway.
Heh... -fumbles and blushes- ...movingthehellon...
to the murder!! (A convenient escape from my pathetically sappy ramblings.)
This was.. so cunning... so twisted and depraved.. so appropriately Vegeta.
To seduce and fuck his own father as a means of enticing the other to drop his guard...
not to mention damn near choke the other on his own cock.
Muah. Ha. Ha.
Fucking spectacular.
And this was all amazing...
From his conscious choice of outfit(red and black again!!), to the scrupulous effort he put into convincing the King that.. this time.. he actually wanted it. Meeting his thrusts, leaning into his touches, purring... they did it at least five times, for fuck's sake!!
Oh.. you did this so well. There is no mistaking that Vegeta is utterly and accurately ruthless, entirely bloodthirsty here.. willing to endure all that.. revolting sex for the success of his plan.
Every little detail gives some semblance of what it must have been like for Vegeta(although numbed to an extent) to take such drastic measures..
but the way his father died.. brought a sick smile to my face.
You sure know how to kill them off, don't you?
The taunting and cutting off of his father's cock were explicit and impeccable.. you illustrate the much darker side of Vegeta, which is necessary, as so far we have not seen much else other than his pining for Kakarott. The hatefulness and spite.. the outright sadism and calculating nature of the entire ordeal place his mindset into undeniable perspective. I could not say enough good things about the way in which you went about this.
Gory, vengeful, cold and flawless.
His father's final words were chilling.. I am glad you put them there, as they accurately portray the haunting effect of such vicious abuse, as do Vegeta's tears afterward. He is not as bad as what he has done at all, rather driven to it through madness, desperation and hope for a better life.. to be reunited with his love. It is a more than acceptable means to such a happy end.. though it seems to do more harm than benefit, at least initially. You successfully reintroduced the new King's softer side, his refusal to take credit for his father's murder because it didn't matter.. and because he did not want Kakarott to be ashamed of him. Certainly, Vegeta would know his love could assume what happened.. but that is far different than confirming the fact. I am sure he had difficulty reconciling his father's death with his love's impassioned plea not to do anything reckless.. no, he didn't regret the murder itself.. but he might if Kakarott held his actions against him, no matter how honorable the intentions. Vegeta should certainly know better than to think his love would begrudge him such a recourse after their earlier discussion, however, so I will let that thought pass. Kakarott is forever having his moments of indefensible, acute mental paralysis.. him asking Vegeta to not do anything reckless was definitely one of them. Classic.
I can see Vegeta regretting his father's murder from a strategic standpoint, that his becoming King would keep them from seeing each other, possibly, for the immediate time.. but not the act itself, as I said. It seems that their being unable to see each other would simply be a matter of following the rules, which these two do not make a habit of. So there, I am a bit confused. And here my memory is refreshed that Kakarott does not ascend to the throne until a whole 6 years later!!
Damn.
I am certainly glad that I know this is all resolved some way, because if I had not come across this as late as I did, I think I would be fervently harassing you to update!! It is tempting now, as it is, but...
ah, the suspense here would have been unbearable.
So, yes.. I am most likely failing to catch something here.. but do we just assume that Vegeta's new role and responsibilities as King prevents him intrinsically from seeing his love?
I would still say that he does not regret the act, but the unfortunate consequences...
even Vegeta knows how understanding Bardock is... I like that too.
and now the quotes.

*That�s what father always preferred me to wear, of course. (This is creepy.)
*The tears have long stopped falling, but their red trails remain.
*I stopped when I saw a god-like figure stare at me with curious eyes.
*I ought to punch his face in for feeling such a pitiful emotion for me, I don�t need pity from anyone. Yet, I couldn�t hurt that beautiful face staring back at me..
*A gorgeous one at that. Damn. (-purrs-)
*I rested my head against his chest as he held me still. (This is very intimate for Vegeta, especially so early on, but I thought it was appropriate because of their immediate bond, though it may not seem like much. There was a lot of touching in this meeting, in general.. I am glad you put it there.)
*I especially don�t need help from a pitiful Light. (So stinging and in character. Just as well that Kakarott is not offended in the least.)
*That gorgeous asshole actually grabbed my tail! (Awesomely perfect... how dare he, indeed?)
*�why don�t�you say you�want me?�It�ll end�much faster�if you do.�
*He rubbed his forehead against mine and purred affectionately. I growled in return.
*I even told him how much he affected me when I first laid eyes on him. Of course, he told the same to me before I told him. (Typical.)
*I will forgive Kakarot for feeling pity towards me, since he is in love.
*Seriously, what idiot would risk his life to spy on the King of Shadows? Only my Kakarot. (This actually.. made me.. smile. A real.. not scary.. smile.)
*Things are about to get nasty.
*I purred his name as I quickly took his mouth with my own and pushed him toward and onto his big sofa. (His immediate assertiveness, despite how distasteful it must have been, is totally fearless.. perfect.)
*I threw my head back so he wouldn�t see how much pain I was in.
*�Since it was displeasurable to have this wretched thing inside of me, I think it�s time I showed you on what you�re missing out on.�
*I studied the pain that I had just given him, and I fucking loved it.
*�even if�if you do manage�to kill me, the pain in�in which I have�brought upon�you, will remain�forever.�
*I don�t want him to be ashamed of me, of what I�ve done. I know he didn�t want me to do anything reckless, but it was the only way.
*I didn�t want to become King if it meant I couldn�t see my love anymore, but it was too late.

Alright, I think I mostly covered everything here...
not an easy decision, though I still say it was the best one.
Would I be saying that if I was not aware through Chapter 11?
Heh.. well.. possibly not.
But I will be confidently stubborn now and stand beside it.

Later, 4 and 5...

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From unattainableslutvegeta on June 06, 2009
Greetings.
This is for #2...

Again, I do like how this is separated into POV, and Kakarott's solitary thoughts on his lack of rest are a good way to begin, especially in conjunction with the prologue's disclosure that Shadows do not sleep--this leaves them both pondering the nights away, which is lovely. For sure, I enjoyed the flashback and subsequent agony.. although it seems fair to assume that Vegeta's murder of his father is not something he would regret. It was well-deserved, not to mention necessary.. any further delay would have kept the lovers apart longer yet, so killing the sorry bastard was unarguably the best (and most rewarding) choice.
For whatever reason, I was struck by the notion of such an abrupt end to their meetings; Kakarott manages to show up at their appointed place, but Vegeta never arrives. And no word from then on.. definitely a nice way to intensify the angst of their separation.
Your portrayal of Bardock as such an understanding father does well to establish dissimilarities between the Kings.. I like this. His affection for his son is obvious in the way he begrudgingly(in a most playful sense)continues to assist him with the royal duties and the attitude of concern and constructive criticism he shows in regards to Kakarott's unfortunate problem. You definitely make the distinction between the independent means of Vegeta of a ruler, as opposed to his love's heavily-assisted reign over the Lights.. making the Shadows' success at this point all the more admirable(though you can hardly say Kakarott has much hand in anything that goes on, Vegeta is faring unbelievably in the face of Bardock's more extensive experience.)I know that the gap between their accountability as adolescents, and thus their level of preparedness to rule, is further explained in later chapters.
Bardock goes through the motions of a responsible, and even doting, parent as you watch the progression of his comments throughout his conversation with Kakarott. He drifts seamlessly from understanding, to suspicion, to understanding again, and finally to encouragement. His faith in his son is evidenced by the fact that he takes Kakarott's word at face value.. though he suggests that Vegeta may have, at one point, planned to be deceptive and conniving, he easily bypasses the assertion to a more positive tone when told otherwise of the Shadow King's character. Noteworthy. His attitude is consistent through Chapter 11, as I have seen.
This is apparently a far more friendly group of rulers than the one who governs the Shadows.. Vegeta would not stand to be pestered and questioned(except by Haru, possibly) as this chapter's gentlemen were by Demetri.. another fascinating, and appropriate, difference.
I particularly enjoyed how annoyed Kakarott became upon the interruption of aforementioned servant, even falling to making such snide remarks in his own mind and dismissing him outright. Good thing he is able to get some sleep at the end of this chapter, hmm? Adorably cranky.
Ah... and the infamous plot to turn Vegeta.
Heh.
I love the idea, personally, and as I already know how it goes...
I would say it could be no other way.
Despite all the debate that goes on over it, Kakarott simply does not belong as a Shadow. Granted.. Vegeta as a Light is.. a bit.. uncomfortable a thought, at first...
but Kakarott without his.. radiance.. is just.. nothing. It is what makes him so irresistibly, absolutely beautiful, and that is before you take into account his breath, his warmth.. the more basic, living, physical qualities that are so attractive simply because Vegeta lacks them.
Kakarott would not be able to survive as a Shadow, losing everything that defines him.. on the contrary, I can see Vegeta bringing some of his Shadow into the Light..
That rant aside.. strategically ingenious suggestion and motivation on the part of Bardock here. He is able to kick Kakarott into action for the good of his people, his love, and himself. You set this up in an impressive fashion.. how could the poor, lovesick King resist, especially now that the idea is being endorsed by his father?
Ooooh... and up comes Haru again. Plain to see that Kakarott is not happy about his 'ridiculously handsome' presence, though he is glad to be dissuaded by his father from previous assumptions.. at least for the time being. Mnh.. I cannot tell you.. how *badly*.. I want things to get ugly between these two. For certain, my heart is set on Kakarott's victory.. but I am salivating over the potential, bloody drama there.
Kakarott's thoughts of a living Vegeta towards the end are both sensual and heartwarming.. sentimental and romantic. His imagining the erotic sensation of his love's pulse fluttering between his lips, to the simple ability of the other to eat and drink, to have a healthy living glow.. that range of musings shows just how complete his adoration is.

*He won�t get far.
*�I see you haven�t. Again.�
*�You�re the King! This
is your job! Yet, since when have you done your job?� I sighed again. �Never!
That�s when!�
*He did it to save our love.
*Maybe, somewhere in that
cold heart of his, he misses you just as much, but son��
*Seriously. I
just want to punch it until it forms into another kind of face.(Heheh.. this is so fun.)
*I would be more than delighted to know what that motivation is.
*What about that one ridiculously
handsome guy that�s always by his side?(I am a sucker for jealousy..)
*He would be�alive and with me. My head started
spinning at the idea of feeling my love�s never-before-felt warmth.
I could feel his heart beating beneath my hand. Hear it even. Feel
the blood that flows throughout his lithe body. Feel his pulse
flutter beneath my lips. I closed my eyes as I tried to imagine my
love�alive. I could feel his chest rise and fall. When I kiss him,
he wouldn�t be cold. He could eat and drink like us. He wouldn�t have
to live in the dark anymore. When I power up, I wouldn�t have to worry
about hurting him. He would no longer be pale. He�ll have a healthy
looking glow to him, assuring me that he�s alive. That he�s not just a
ghost at my side, taunting me, as if I�ll never have him.
(Yes.. I loved this paragraph that much.. it was terribly touching.)
*I looked to my right to see if I could actually picture him.
(As was this.. such a loving thing to do.)
*At nightfall, I actually felt the heaviness in my eyes that I haven�t
felt in a longtime and slept �til dawn, dreaming about my love.
(This was a good note on which to end his first POV.. pain and confusion leading to hope, such a fitting emotion for him.)

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From unattainableslutvegeta on June 05, 2009
Greetings..
First off, I am not usually a reader, let alone fan, of anything that so wildly deviates from the standard DBZ plot line when in use of it's characters. I have been a Vegeta role player for over a decade, yaoi-specific for the last year, and with the Prince as my only character ever.. I can be a picky bastard.
Secondly, despite my very real blood fetish, I typically avoid any stories along these lines as they tend to trivialize the issue.. and most of it is poorly written.
That being said.. I am positively.. enamored.. with your little story here.
Just fucking adore it.
I was inspired to sign up here to simply do this review.. heh.. or series of them.
I do write, and though everything remains private thus far, there are plans to release some of my work, possibly later this year.
I am fond of how you express yourself and think you need little to no assistance, but my email is open to you for any correspondence you wish to have regarding this story. I would like very much to pick your brain and discuss the various options you have here.. of which there are a great many tantalizing prospects, to be certain.
I have a tendency to be thorough to a fault, sometimes reviewing one sentence, often one paragraph, and always one chapter at a time. I find my feedback to be most helpful in this somewhat extended, but precise, form.
Hn. All that aside, let us get to the good part, shall we?

The simple opening statement is used well, nicely supported by the profound emotion that follows.. that really stood out to me.
In this chapter, I think that it is safe to be general and assert that, for all the information it contains, I find no confusion. As clearly separated by POV, the conflict between and survival specifics of both Shadows and Lights are well explained and devised. I very much liked how you gave an example of feeding and turning to complement the explanation.. the timing was appropriate, giving added dimension and perspective to the fact-filled monologue.
I love red and black.. your continuation of that color theme in a later chapter (yes, I have read all of them already, not just this one.. you make me feel proud to be a Gothed-out Vegeta) assures you remain in my good graces.
The introduction of Haru so soon is telling and fascinating.. he does have the solid foundation to be a source of violent jealousy and, obviously, power struggle. I know that you are dying to capitalize on that, and will no doubt use it well.. I'll have much more to say on him in later reviews when it is more relevant. Vegeta's mindset towards him seems to be illustrated in a clear manner early on.. knowing his devotion, accepting it to an extent, even going as far as to smile at him.. though, in the end, it is in part because the guard reminds him of his love. I really liked that addition... Haru's love as a reminder of where Vegeta's heart truly lies. Niiiiiiiiiice... in a sweet and burn kind of way.
Vegeta is referred to as 'Prince' by Haru here..
Your use of the Light and Dark states of Super Saiyan is unique.. I enjoy it, as it adds another tragic element to the already sad.. at this point.. story. Vegeta and Kakarott could not touch each other safely when at their full power, and the latent symbolism there is.. depressing. Gorgeous.
Your description of the Lights late in the chapter, detailing their tears as appearing like diamonds, their golden blood.. amazing. It definitely brought to mind the brilliant, luminescent qualities that you most assuredly mentally ascribe to them.. heh. You make me really, *really* want one..
..one in particular, that is. -smirks wickedly-

As I will most likely do in all my reviews, these are the lines that stood out to me.. usually, the reasons are obvious, in my opinion. If I have more to say about something specific, I will.. should you have any questions about why I chose what I did, ask away.
And they are...
*I miss you.
*I can�t be too sure if I want to live in your kind of life, maybe I want you to live in mine.
*I smile at him, at the way he�s so fond of me and the way he reminds me so much of my love.
*Damn star. I swear it mocks me. Well, that�s what I get for being careless I guess.
( I saw you were wondering about out-of-character.. this is one of your exceptional, in-character lines. Yaoi stories involving Vegeta and romance are always going to be tricky as far as that particular standard goes.. the inner workings and outward actions of him in such a situation are almost wholly extrapolation, with little cannon to go on. Within the parameters of this story(the emotionally-exhausting longing, excruciating mental pain, and undying love that are all necessary taken into consideration) I would place you well in character. See... -points casually- ..he is rolling his eyes not long after. I do that over 9,000 times a day.)
*I pay him no mind, as I know that he�ll be standing outside the door, like he always does.
*I�m surprised my mind hasn�t lost its sense in reality when thinking of my love.
*When being a Shadow, its like being a minion of some dark lord. Ha ha, that�s me.
*I grin at the memories of my childhood, of the reason why I am who I am, but my Kakarot has tried to ease my sadness with his love, his eyes, his voice, his arms, and much more. (Ooooh...-shivers pleasurably- ..and just what is this.. 'much more' exactly? I specialize in smut and lemons.. so even the innocent mention of Kakarott and 'much more' thrills me.. to no end.)
*A God is what he is, in my eyes. (I couldn't agree more.)
*I can�t even say the word! Let alone in my head! I despise the very sound of it!
(Another good, in-character line.)
*Perhaps I don�t deserve you if I�m this cowardly to walk on the same ground as you.
(And another one.)
*You are my only light, my love. Perhaps it is you that I fear.

Alright, then.
Here is your review for the first chapter.. prologue. Starting tomorrow(or later today, I should say.. I am ridiculously nocturnal), I hope to be able to do a couple a day until I am caught up.
Hn.
I sign only as 'Vegeta.'
And I want to be the King of Shadows!!
-false temper tantrum, huge pleading eyes-
Well.. at least.. until I get the balls to.. not be.. any longer.
Then... onto the sex. -purrs-

Again.. nicely done.

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From Zofo on June 01, 2009
Got my PC back now, hope it lasts *fingers-crossed*. Much easier than reviewing on the PS3. I would love to see your picture of the shadow Vegeta if you make one :)

Ah so like Kakarot to want to sacrifice himself but I guess Vegeta wants to be a light more than letting Kakarot be a shadow. That was such a tease chapter! It was very moving, and I was sure he was going to turn him.

Next chapter. So Vegeta is finally turned. Really loved the line 'He's been saving his blood for me', romantic in a strange way :) Six weeks! Didn't think it would be that long, thought it would only take a day. Vegeta seems to be having a hard time, hope Kakarot can pull him through it.

I'm sad you won't be able to update so often. I guess we all have to work though :(
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From topbear1974 on May 30, 2009
very interest turn of story. pleease keep updating. I want to know more.
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From Zofo on May 16, 2009
*Hugs Dark Shadow Vegeta plushie* - cool, thanks :)

Sorry for the late review, my pc is dead but I realised I can review on PS3 :)

Liked the chapter showing Vegeta's interactions with his men, how he has to put up a front to keep them all thinking they still have a chance. They really seem like the underdogs now, barely surviving on what is in effect bottled-lights :(

Nice history of Haru, didn't realise he was a former light. Kinda explains why he asked Vegeta that question. Will his infatuation with Vegeta make him try to prevent Kakarot and Vegeta from being together though?
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From Zofo on February 19, 2009
*Holds up banner saying Turn Kakarot*
Hehe, naw it's ok, I suspect you will turn Vegeta and he's had such a hard life maybe he will like being a Light after a while. Just wanted to show my support for him though :)

Glad you re-explained that last chapter in the flashback. Now I'm much more clear.

So Kakarot is finally taking some responsibility and acting more like a king. I am a bit suspicious of his father though. I wonder if he will interfere with the contest and try to kill Vegeta :(
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From Zofo on February 11, 2009
Almost missed the extra chapter!

So sad the core of their very being won't allow them to be together even though they both want it so much :( Their interaction together was heart breaking.

Hmmm so Vegeta suggested a contest then stayed still during the battle, thus I presume letting Kakarot win. Guess his soul isn't so engrossed in darkness as Kakarot's is in light. It's almost as if he subconsciously wants to be turned so is giving Kakarot a way to get him.
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From Zofo on February 11, 2009
Oh after reading Kakarot's POV you've got me wanting him to win and tame Vegeta! Might change my mind again though :)

Even though they are both blood drinkers and killing each others kind, so technically both evil, it seems being a Shadow and becoming King has affected Vegeta worse than Kakarot (who is so molly coddled by his father he really isn't a King at all at this point). Will Kakarot be able to get back the Vegeta he loved?
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From Zofo on February 09, 2009
Glad you liked my idea :o)

I Liked the part when Vegeta was ordering the troops into position. I always imagined he'd make a good commander of large numbers of troops. After all, in the series, he must have taken some lessons like that in his castle when he was younger.

Glad Vegeta is wanting to stay a Shadow, though he's still dilly dallying with whether to change Kakarot into one. I think he's more determined and Kakarot being such a kind hearted guy, is more likely to give in to him, but I haven't read Kakarot's POV on this battle yet so I could be wrong.

Eager to read what's happening back at the hideout now :)
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