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Reviews for Barracks

By : chayron

From ANON - Gittoh on July 19, 2015
Update update! :D
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From ANON - Disappointed on July 10, 2015
So far I must say that I share the sentiments of your other reviewers. You should put GotenXOC in your summary because at this point with 20-30 chapters of Goten x OC, you have failed to deliver any promise of Goten x trunks. At this point and build up of your story, I can no longer believe a true relationship of this pairing can occur without complete suspension of belief. The first 20 or so chapters were entertaining but after 30ish chapters of Goten x trunks interaction to build upon an already skeptical romantic relationship at best, you would need at least 10-20 more chapters to at least make a convincing tale of them simply being together. But sadly, I can't even envision trunks making an appearance and being the focus of a chapter anytime soon. So in summation, i have no hope for Goten x trunks in this story anymore and seriously wished I stopped reading after ch. 30.
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From TristaML on June 13, 2015
I must say I am eager to find out what will happen now more than ever. So sorry for the long absence my computer broke but I am grateful and pleased at the rate and the impressive content of your updates. The chapters are still long and unpredictable. It seems to me that no matter how hard Goten tries to hide his and Prince Trunks' interests in one another there is no point in it. Perhaps that's why whoever tries to kill him wants him dead... for the same reason Gohan died. Sad really. I'm still interested in knowing what happens. I'm also proud of you for sticking up for yourself. Honestly I find it funny when people remark about the impossibility our improbability of an aspect in a fictional story your reasons for it are your own... and besides even an amateur writer could come up with some deep stirring correlation of things when the time comes and especially if questioned.... anyways it's not important. I believe you have a means to an end and I look forward to each and every chapter to come.
With all due respect
Trista
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From Yaoi_Angel on June 10, 2015
would have read the new chapters sooner, but i just got my intenet back, i love them, its good to see the little details that make up the whole story. it has been awesome seeing this story come together. it makes me wonder what that harada guy knows about goten, if he is acting weird like that. cant wait to see the next chaper, as always keep up the great work.
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From ANON - Gittoh on June 03, 2015
I cant wait to read if Goten and Trunks will end up together somehow! Please keep posting this amazing story!
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From ANON - Pisces on May 29, 2015
I don't understand why Goten and Reyn are wasting their time with housing Mr. Elite. The feline just seems to be a replaceable burden and even I wouldn't put up with a cat that clawed and bit and shit in my shoes.

And that Royal Guard is quite a juxtaposition if his duties were to see his escorts to safety but punches one of them through a wardrobe as soon as he meets him :/ that was a bit more than harsh the way you described Goten's reaction to a homeless man. I couldn't help but interpret the way the Saiyan's felt towards the hobo as similar to a certain author's way of thinking. Homelessness is becoming more and more prevalent these days. 1/5 college students will face homelessness during their lifetime. It seems that you've got a pretty negative way of stereotyping the homeless and I can't help but cringe. It's not like being poor is a choice... I hope you understand that.

Honestly, after reading that, it changed my viewpoint of the Goten you had so giftedly crafted during the first arc of the story. It's almost like this isn't being written by the same author. You had some superbly well-developed characters, and in one go you toss their developments into the trash! Toharu was a lead character and his relationship with Aro was something I couldn't wait to read more about. I really couldn't understand the choice you made. I've become steadily more and more disinterested in this story. You started out with great promise but now it's just dragging its feet toward an ending I'm imagining to not be planned. The past chapters have just felt random and pointless and instead of getting better as a writer... I hate to say it but...
:( maybe if you go back over the first arc of the story it'll inspire and remind you what you were doing right. Ever since Toharu died (pointlessly, I might add) this story has taken a dramatic downward spiral.
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From ANON - Sophie on May 13, 2015
Oh my good lord!!

This chapter brought all the original humour and sass and that first scene hooly dooly I haven't laughed so hard in a fic in forever!!

I say it every time, but Chayron I love you and this story to pieces.

Do you have a draft of how long it is going to go for? Or do you not have an end in sight yet?

Much squeals - and hopes and prayers for Mr Elite - Sophie
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From ANON - Yaoi_Angel on April 17, 2015
love this chapter. it figures the prince would be on the ship. he isn't going to let Goten out of his sights. lol. Can't wait to see what happens once they are back at the palace. Goten needs more clothes though. i feel bad for him always having to borrow stuff. lol. keep up the great work. loving the longer faster chapters.
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From ANON - Yaoi_Angel on April 07, 2015
wow. i did not see that coming. its very interesting that Trunks didnt just reassign Goten to the palace, but then, where is the fun in that, right? this is getting good. i just hope Goten dont die too soon, or finds a way to stop it. and loving the faster updates. this story has had me on the edge of my seat for years. looking forward to the next great chapter.
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From ANON - Yaoi_Angel on March 19, 2015
OMG, i loved it. i knew Goten would freak out on him. But i also knew Trunks wouldnt give up on him. They are so cute. i laughed so hard when i imagined Gotens face, seeing him again. I can't wait to see what trunks does to try to get Goten to be his. next few chapters should be interesting.as always, Great work. keep it coming please. looking forward to the next chapter.
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From ANON - Sophie on March 15, 2015
Oh that was awesome!

I love that you stuck to everything that's happened in the story rather than just letting them have each other straight out.
Obviously I still hope we get to them hooking up - it's the reason I started this fic haha. But I stick around for the story. :)

The next few chapters are going to be epic.
I kind of miss the massive power up failures that Goten and Reyn used to get. And the training and tension.
I'm just reminiscing on the whole fic now, don't mind me.

Again, I'm just loving what you're doing and looking forward to what's to come.

Xx Sophie
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From TristaML on February 18, 2015
I love how everything played out, Reyn and Goten's reaction to their predicaments were funny to me- one being much more calm than the other- they balance each other out nicely. Goten is so paranoid, but I really don't blame him. He's having dreams, or premonitions about the future, and they keep coming true, I probably wouldn't have taken a drink with the Prince either, if I were him. I think it's interesting the impression he may have made on the Prince, though, by NOT accepting that drink and by asking about his father. I can see a growth, like a certain maturity in your characters since the beginning of the book, and I like it, it's admirable. I cannot wait for the next update!
I loved that Vegeta knows who Goten's father is, though I wonder how and if they have a history, which it seems they do. Vegeta didn't seem to just know OF him, he seemed to truly KNOW him. Also the intelligence that BOTH Prince's showed in their small parts in this chapter was intriguing and I wonder how much they communicate on small things, though I doubt they do, eventually, though I would think they would have to come together to cross-examine their information.. not that it's important, just that I find it interesting.
Part of me also wonders if Gohan's death has more to do with this stories future than you lead on, not sure why I feel that way, but I do.

Until the next chapter...

TristaML
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From ANON - Yaoi_Angel on February 01, 2015
OMG, i'm so happy to see Trunks coming back into the picture. I can't wait to see the reunion between him and Goten. i bet it's going to be presented amazingly because your a terrific author. Keep up the great work. i'll be watching for the next update.
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From WonderMint on January 12, 2015
Where to begin. I read all 56 chapters currently posted in about two days. I think you deserve my first long-form review, because dangit I am impressed. I think I have two and a half complaints (all of which are now moot or are minor) and about 9000 praises. I'll get the complaints out of the way.

- The officer/crew charts, while totally helpful and a cool thing, can also offer spoilers. This isn't a big issue when original characters are involved, but in the case of Trunks appearance in chapter 3 it did end up being a major spoiler when my eyes traveled over it (I read too quickly to skip text properly). While yes, I could have probably reasoned out that he was going to be on the base as an officer, I'd still have preferred to let your excellent writing tell me about him when he appeared. This could be easily fixed by only adding a character to your organization charts in the chapter AFTER they are introduced.

- The female saiyans that Goten kept meeting up with didn't have names for so long that I was afraid they'd be Bechdeled out of the story (in other words, �yeah, women exist, but they're less important than men so they don't deserve names�). I understand now that Goten is just so dense that he never bothered to learn their names, and this is just a feature of your writing style (if he doesn't know it, we don't know it, which makes sense), but since your other characters tend to have names and are full of life, their constant presence and the label of �ringleader� for Almanda actually started to get distracting to me. So yeah, you did it on purpose and you fixed it, but I thought I would mention it had been a source of concern for a while. I'm very glad that Almanda has stuck around, she's been fun.

- I miss Trunks. Fortunately for me, I got to read the whole thing in one go so he's fresh in my mind, but if I had a novel-length 56-chapter epic that consisted entirely of Goten and Trunks unable to decide whether to be best friends or to yell obscenities at each other, I'd be a very happy reader. If it was written by you, anyway. It does, however, form only half a complaint because there was so much of that deliciousness and I absolutely understand why you went where you did with the story. It needed to move on, and I know there will be more to come.

This segues into my compliments. First off, you're marvelous with characters. Oftentimes Fanfic can be a great crutch for an author because many of a character's quirks, in addition to their physical characteristics, are already created and available to the reader without much additional description. You, however, neither require nor rely on this crutch. The characters you do pick up and use make sense, but you're not afraid to write more (MANY more) for your needs. You give them enough personality that I can usually figure out who is speaking even if that isn't pointed out right away, and their antics are a pleasure. They have agency. They do things on their own, often that don't involve the main characters at all. And each has their own sense of humour, which means there are quite a few laughs to be had. I love it and I am so impressed I can't even tell you.

I particularly like Trunks. I haven't seen any of GT so I'm not sure how he would usually behave but I love how Trunks isn't spoiled, only relies on his royalty when he absolutely needs to, cares about his job and his people, but will throw a tantrum when provoked. By certain people. Who are usually Goten. When he does lose it I always imagine this unhinged smile on his face like he's truly insane. And the scene when he finds everybody cooking chicken in the canteen kitchen and just... eats it all and then puts them in charge of the kitchen, is pure brilliance. He's almost TOO good at looking after his subordinates to actually be in charge, but just unpredictable enough to be terrifying.

Like I said, I wouldn't mind reading about Goten pissing off the crazy-but-oddly-reasonable Shaii forever. And the most satisfying moment for me, I think, wasn't that kiss (though it was good), but during the attack on the base where Trunks teaches Goten to fire directly at the ships. The simple ways in which Trunks treats him as an equal are just beautiful.

It only makes sense that the real action in the war will continue in space. I occasionally read parts of your responses to reviews (though I try to avoid them so I don't get more spoilers, but eh, it happens) and I'm interested to hear that you were aiming for a space adventure from the start. While I know a lot of people were complaining that they came to read about Trunks, and while I do miss him for sure (thanks for giving us that phone call by the way), I definitely feel like this needed some time to shape up. You can't just wave a magic wand and have character growth happen, and as Goten is already supernaturally hypercompetent, he should at least have to work for his experience like everyone else does. It also provides the interesting side-benefit of showing us several iterations of how he manages to earn people's respect.

Um, I'm not sure yet about how I feel about Reyn. I mean, I like his character, but there's a mushy part of me that wishes Goten would have continued to be reticent. It's obviously unrealistic though, and he could certainly use the experience. Personally I don't require the sex scenes to spice up the story arc, but I understand that many readers might. I just don't think I want to see Reyn and Trunks try to kill each other, and... well, obviously the other solution to that is to have one of them killed off and that would also be no fun. x_x I think I need to worry less about how you're going to write it though, that's your business, not mine. You have demonstrated, though, that if characters get mad at each other it's for reasons that really make sense (to them) and not any silly comedy-of-errors misunderstandings. I think that's my biggest pet peeve in fiction, but there's no danger of your characters being so one-dimensional that they only conflict they can manage to generate is comically exaggerated vindictive stupidity.

The most recent rescue mission is very well done. Tense and scary, classic Sci-fi without being too long and involved, and it gave Goten a chance to prove his strength. I'm glad he's gotten less self-conscious about it. At first I was afraid it was going to add Elizabeth to the crew, which I was doubtful would make a good fit, but Darren is just a gift. �Guilty of surviving, sir!� is like the magic password. Who could say no to that? Is this �what Goten would say if he were in this situation� on purpose? I hope he sticks around, and finds a way to contribute his admittedly human weakling skills to the ragtag misfit group.

I think that brings us to our current arc, which is terrifying and riveting. Goten, tell your dad the prince recognized you! Like, before he left. No really. x_x I am not certain what I think about the dream with Vegeta. I suppose you could interpret as a poisoning, or it could be that Goten was severely wounded. Would Vegeta really try to poison Goten after he saved his royal arse? Well, he would I suppose if he knew anything about what he was doing with Trunks... �as per usual.� Of course, if Trunks found out it might expedite their reunion. Trunks has had no problems, so far, demonstrating he gives no fucks about what he is �supposed� to do when it concerns Goten, and that's just how we like him. I guess all I can say is that I can't wait to see what happens next.

I'll be checking back for your next update... but take all the time you need, and do it your way. I'm glad you're committed to the project, because you've really brought it to life. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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From TristaML on January 07, 2015
First let me say I am so sorry to hear about achillona, I remember seeing her name and reviews on this site and it breaks my heart to hear such news. I would be greatly saddened to find out that any of my friends on here, especially after so long, had passed. Your sentiments of dedicating this story to her are kind and I imagine would be warmly welcomed.

I appreciate your email to me and waited for the post with more eagerness than before. You did not disappoint. It's a little difficult to get back into the swing of it since it has been so long but the tone of the story was not lost, in my opinion. I can feel Goten's frustration well, not being able to do much of anything but having such knowledge that something must be done. I do like the fact that each of the characters that you introduce are both alike and different from their counterpart in DBZ. I am also happy to know that your beta is already on top of the next chapter and that your determination has not wavered. Each chapter merely quenches my thirst for the time being but it is enough.

Still looking forward to more,

TristaML
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