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Reviews for 1 is the lonliest number

By : BabyBabylon1
  • From ANON - Name on January 29, 2015
    Maiyaya's mother is really bad at math judging from the way she adds; according to her calculations, her daughter has the ability to be 200% of a species."You are two types of a half breed. Your half black and half Japanese, and your half human half saiyan, if half at that. You are more saiyan than human and have received nearly seventy five percent of my traits" so, the calculations are 25% black, 25% Japanese, (I'm sure you didn't intentionally realize it but this part made me lol) atleast 26% Saiyan and 24% human. I'm sure you didn't mean for it to sound like this, but this is why grammar and linguistics are so important. When you added the word 'and', you are adding to your calculations, so instead of ending the sentence with a period you continued to add numbers to the equation. Maiyaya herself is really bad at grammar and story-telling. I can't really take this story seriously because there's so much wish-fulfillment. The character Maiya is a hardcore Mary Sue
    "My hair was a ashy mint green color. I grew no body hair, I never had a period, one of my eyes were a golden brassy yellow while the other was emerald green. My mixed skin was rather in between light and dark for a mixed child....so I appeared exotic..." Not quite sure why your readers need to know the main character's never had a period but it comes across as wish-fulfilling. Let me explain: The way you've written this character is too perfect eg. the lack of body hair, a woman' s body but without the earthly hassles of a menstrual cycle, the perfect parents, the character could be an ok character but it's these superfluous additions that make her so very, embarrassingly Mary Sue.

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