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Reviews for Atavism

By : ctsama

From Ulrike on June 20, 2016
I really like the complex story-line you have with Beerus's involvement with the saiyajins and Frieza. I like Beerus in the show, but damn I hate him in your story. He's just...creepy. Ugh. And I think I've said this before, but I love Whis and Vegeta. I definitely think that they have a unique closeness in the show, too. But man, I am so anxious to see what happens to Vegeta, especially if he becomes pregnant again! Great writing. And I like that you update so fast.
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From ZeoViolet on June 19, 2016
You still have plans to update in the near future? I hope you haven't given up entirely on this...
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From ANON - b-chan on June 07, 2016
Wow, I haven't reviewed this in a long time, sorry about that!
Well you've got some fun twists and interesting saiyan back story going on here. I like the idea that Beerus is the reason for the saiyan's aggression. Makes sense for the saiyans in universe six to be fighters of justice while seven's were mercenaries. Like Six is what they'd have been without Beeru's interference.
The idea of Goku as a god of destruction is a little disturbing. I mean 'all' of his friends (even Bulma fired a bunch of bullets at him the first time they met) were bad and tried to kill him at one point and he managed to bring out the good in them. He knows that people can change given the chance, so the thought of him murdering whole planets just seems like it would go against his principles. I'm hoping you're going to plot twist that somehow, maybe something to do with all the hints you've given about Whis??? At least is seems like you've been hinting at something big with him.
Still very much intrigued with where you're going with this.
Thanks for the read
b-chan
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From ZeoViolet on June 05, 2016
*Jaw drops*

Oh...my...god.

That's just amazing. I have no other words right now. Just...more, please!!!

PS, my dad survived triple bypass. Thanks for the well-wishes. Your update came just in time. I could freely concentrate on it again. Last time my heart was really heavy and it was hard.

Say, maybe you could answer a question, either in-story or as a reply...could a daughter pass on that male-childbearer gene as well, to a male child?

Since Vegeta has that gene, any of their sons could have it too. It's an interesting thought. I haven't done it in years, but long ago I used to wonder what a sister of Vegeta's would have been like. (Nothing too fancy..just her and Vegeta beating the hell out of each other and teasing each other like siblings do.) The possibility of a girl passing on the gene as well, and mention of Goku and Vegeta's daughter, suddenly reminded me of that old idea. I don't plan to write DBZ fanfics, but that doesn't mean I don't wonder about things...especially the weird stuff. (I remember trying to puzzle out Piccolo's people and how the hell they procreate because so much didn't make sense to me...but that's another story. Yes, I'm really weird.)
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From TristaML on June 05, 2016
Very interesting last few chapters. Sorry to hear about the broken bones.

A lot has certainly happened, and it's happening fast. I still can't quite figure out what Beerus wants from them, but I like what you've done with the story line. I can see that you have more coming up with Gohan and obviously with Whis, too! Exciting! I will say I like that you've made Whis and Vegeta understand one another and form a sort of friendship, I never thought much about Whis in that regard, I didn't realize that he wasn't a god himself, and in that respect I didn't think he had feelings akin to mortals, but it works well. I think Vegeta is the type of person who really IS a "good" man and would be a good friend, but people don't give him the chance... So curious to see what happens next!
TristaML
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From ANON - Ulrike on May 25, 2016
Glad I caught up! I really like how you have captured Beerus's unpredictable personality. It makes me nervous for Vegeta. And I wonder if Champagne and Vado will get involved too! Your fanfic is awesome because of its ability to follow the DragonBall Super storyline. It adds a lot to the characters that Vegeta and Goku have become.
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From ZeoViolet on May 25, 2016
I haven't had time, or the energy for that matter to leave much of a comment before now. Sorry. My dad's in the hospital, and it looks like he's facing multiple coronary artery bypass surgery.

Besides, I have little to say beyond...more, please!!! You do seem to see a few shades to Beerus I don't see him in, but that doesn't matter...it just makes me eager for more. And sadder for Whis, for some reason.

I didn't know your house had broken bones. Lol (Yes, kidding....not much amuses me these days, sorry...)
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From ZeoViolet on May 08, 2016
Oh yes, I'm quite familiar with the manga and the anime both. I'm also sorry; I did not mean to imply Bulma as a romantic interest outright (in fact, until just now I never really considered it!). I just noted that in Dragon Ball Super, Whis has grown quite fond of her in general. Watching him go nuts over the food she gives him always makes me laugh. I never considered he might become fond of anyone much until I hung around TV Tropes and someone else pointed the fact out, so I went back and watched enough clips to realize they were probably right. Whis was before just one who struck me as not giving a crap about anyone in depth, or anything interesting him beyond food. (He's a LOT like Count D from the manga Pet Shop of Horrors.)

As far as canon is concerned...that is a problem with Super because it isn't Toriyama who's writing it. Oh, he's involved in the writing of Dragon Ball super, but he's not drawing the manga we are reading. The manga is written after the fact, with Super, instead of the other way around. He also didn't draw Dragon Ball Minus. He's quite involved in the anime. The very reason why the Champa arc was so lighthearted in comparison to the previous two arcs was because of Toriyama insisting that it be, because the Battle of Gods and Freiza sagas were so dark.

It is reasons like those, Toriyama's constantly forgetting (oh hello thar, Lunch) or backpedaling, rebooting already established facts in favor of new ones (Welcome, Gine!), that made me feel that being too nitpicky was a big headache....but that's just me. Super also disregards a lot of things from the earlier anime filler, but keeps others as canon (Hello, Dragon Ball Kai), and this has translated also into the manga as a result. In other words, it's all a mess! I finally decided, for headcanon, to view the anime as the manga, but with appropriate flavor text. A lot of it. It saves me a lot of trouble. If I discuss it with others, however, I'm clear about the difference just to avoid confusing *them*.

I can't believe (or rather, I can) that Goku noticed Whis was hot and bothered by what they both felt! It caused an embarrassing but hysterical mental image to pop up in my head. Whis is so good at controlling himself I'm surprised Goku noticed, but oh well, I"m sure you had it clearer in your head than mine. XD I'm female, so I am wondering if that is also affecting my perspective on things. It was my brother who got me hooked on Dragon Ball, and I still don't know how he did it, because fighting-style anime are otherwise not really my thing. Somehow, it caught and it stuck.

I had to search long and hard to find that picture of Baby Chi Chi. I haven't seen it in a long time, so finding it was a bit tricky. It was a shot from the anime, I think.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. Excellent chapter, and I can't wait for more. Sucky that you gotta miss a week, but we all have lives to live, after all.
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From ZeoViolet on May 03, 2016
I have wanted to comment on this story for quite a long time, but I had to jump through a few hoops to regain access to my account...that and I wanted to see more how everything played out before I aired my thoughts.

Let me say this first: I love this story. Generally it is VERY rare for me to be interested in M/M fics, especially ones that involve Mpregs. I'm not against them by any means; just that most I've seen are very poorly written, to the point I seldom give such a story the time of day because it is usually a cheap, handwave-y cop-out.

This one, on the other hand, is excellent. The way you view Goku and Vegeta is a little different from the way I view them, but that is not a problem. A fic is not one I necessarily have to agree entirely with to enjoy. If I see, hear, or read something that produces real emotion in me, genuine *feeling*, be it joy or anger or anything else real, then I know I have something fantastic.

My complaints are few and please view them strictly as critiques. You are free to consider or discard them as you wish. Remember that while advice is good in the right circumstances, once you start writing for everyone else and not yourself, you lose control of your work and all its real value to you. Be careful with that.

Overall my points are small. I've seen a handful of grammatical errors. Whis stated in Battle of Gods that he does not sleep. (It's fanfic, though...you can alter whatever the hell you want.) Even unleashed, I had extreme difficulty seeing Gohan acting anywhere near the way you portrayed him, when he was simmering with Saiyan bloodlust. After all I've seen of Dragon Ball Super, I also have some difficulty viewing the relationship between Vegeta and Bulma being anything less than was shown. HOWEVER...your excellent writing alleviated a lot of this. There is no reason why, the way you present it, Vegeta would not have reacted with outrage at Beerus during Battle of Gods for slapping Bulma. She's the mother of his oldest son and he respects her deeply, and she him.

I also have a minor concern as to the long-term future of the new Saiyan race as Vegeta plans it. This is NOT a nitpick; it is just mostly my wondering and maybe giving you fodder for thinking of the long-term. Every single Saiyan baby born is descended, basically, from two different lines only. All those children, taking human mates for even one generation...well, you portray any pairing with a human woman as ultimately an unhappy situation where the Saiyan member of such a mating will have to spend his life holding back. That would be the case for every child born. Are they all going to be so frustrated their whole lives, in marrying a human? If Vegeta is only planning on "just a little human DNA", that means that after the next generation, how are you going to keep it from being a situation where they retain a greater amount of Saiyan blood? I don't think you'd want rampant incest.

Is there also the chance of any of Vegeta's children possessing his mutant gene? Trunks may reach puberty eventually and Gohan...well. Maybe by then Gohan's learned to control that inner demon.

King Vegeta has often been portrayed with brown hair; not black. Remember that when you think of the issue of Gohan's daughters and their hair color. Nobody else in either Gohan's human side or his father's side was ever shown with any variety of hair or eye color other than black. Even that one brief shot of a photo of Chi Chi's mother showed her with black hair.

Anyways....those are all extremely minor details that came to mind while I was typing this. Feel free to ignore all of it if you like. I have lurked and enjoyed your story for some time now, and I cannot wait for more. I am actually very sad about Whis as you portray him. It is obvious he's lonely as hell, and he really deserves someone, although I always smile at how inordinately he is fond of Bulma and her endless supply of delicious foods. He's a foodie in the extreme.
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From Cara9001 on May 02, 2016
It was great to see how powerful Vegeta's telepathic abilities are again! And I love how him and Whis are bonding. This foreshadowing is exciting and terrifying, it doesn't seem like anything good is going to happen especially with Beerus being compared to Freeza.
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From Cara9001 on May 02, 2016
Goku and Vegeta's conversation for why Vegeta was letting Goku lead was very insightful for why they do what they've been doing. And it makes sense that Vegeta would give Goku more power because he feels broken. I especially liked how Vegeta was at war with himself, he was still scared and suffering from being raped but his body was in heat. Goku helped him through that wonderfully, he was supportive and started slowly until he knew Vegeta would be okay to go further. And once they did get past that damn they had some great sex! lol
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From Cara9001 on May 02, 2016
Vegeta is such a smooth talker! Haha he got Goku all riled up just with a few words, he can be so seductive when he wants to be.
It's great how Whis is helped them control themselves while Vegeta is in heat. What Whis had to do with Vegeta was heartbreaking but it did help him accept the support he needs. This chapter really tore me up with everything; there were funny, sexy, and sad moments that I totally loved. How Goku responded when Vegeta softly pleaded for him to stop was fantastic.
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From TristaML on April 23, 2016
Before it slips my mind, two things, I noticed a few more blibs in these chapters than before from not being read over completely- like words that were meant to be omitted, it happens no matter how hard you try- just a reminder to keep an eye out for that, and the other is that at times, to me, it was hard to tell who was talking, I don't know if it was just me or what, but I had to go back and reread in order to make sure I knew who was saying what a few times.

However, Whis capturing those three seems unorthodox, and is sure to be interesting. I wonder exactly what his aim is, maybe Goku will regret asking Whis to help Vegeta in this nature- seeing as how he is such a possessive and controlling mate. I think Whis means to train Goku in some new ways, too. Still interested to know the true purpose of all those children! I see their individual strengths coming into play once they get older.
The Videl thing- I think Vegeta was more calm than I expected, but it still blew over well and more or less to the point. Men of power and renown don't throw it around when it's not necessary, even a hot-head like Vegeta.
I thought it was interesting that you had Vegeta tell Goku that Gohan does love him just as much, just not the same. I was wondering how you were going to turn that around. I would have hated for it to be left at that, the idea that Goku's love is just as much as his crazed son's... I liked your execution of that, and showing that Vegeta knows the difference. It was important to showing how real their bond is. Anyways, great chapters! Looking forward to the next.

TristaML
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From ANON - b-chan on April 15, 2016
Despite this chapter starting with Videl accusing Vegeta it had a rather soft, cute element when Vegeta took care of Pan.
Glad Piccolo was able to shake some sense into Gohan and that he manned up for once. Little worried for him when he tells Videl about the girls; although, for some reason the thought of Pan as a awesome big sister is a cute image for me (guess she's too young to do anything like that, but I can totally picture it. Plus Pan was insanely cute at the end of Dragonball Z (forget GT bleh)).
Love how cool and supportive Krillin was, even relating to Vegeta's plight (I'll bet he was picked on in school).
Looking forward to some Whis and Beerus moments, still intrigued with thought of Whis's 'Training' for Vegeta.
Wondering when Goku's going to push for more kids.
Is Freeza going to be in this? I'm very curious at this point and still greatly looking forward to seeing where you're going with this.
As always thanks for the read, many your muse be good to you.
ja ne
b-chan
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From Cara9001 on April 11, 2016
I loved how Vegeta cared for Pan, he has wonderful maternal instincts and is great with saiyan babies! It was so heartbreaking when Videl had everyone gang up on Vegeta, there was no easy was out at that point. His reaction to being boxed in by the angry crowd was completely spot on. After everything that happened it makes sense he'd have a panic attack and withdrawal inside himself. It was great to see Goku take no shit from his friends and it's so sad that Vegeta had thought they were at least companions to him but they turned on him easily. I'm also happy that Piccolo forced Gohan to own up to his actions, even if bringing him to where Vegeta was caused more stress. I'm very excited to see why the shield came down and what's going to happen next!
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