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Reviews for Kokoro no Yume

By : Awenseth
  • From Safir84 on January 15, 2008
    Oops, this is a very long review, please bear with me!
    Um, so I'm not quite sure what to make of this story of yours yet, if I'm being completely honest! Well, I better try, so here goes nothing; I kinda of liked it but at same time I didn't, if that makes any sense at all! I guess it got too weird (for me) at some points throughout the whole WIP (writing in progress). Meaning the MPreg and the twincest at the end, maybe you should write it in the summary, so one won't be so shocked, I kinda was cos it was the first time for me reading about both the MPreg and the twincest!

    One thing I found to be rather good about the whole MPreg thingy was how it came about, I mean; how Envy got pregnant and all, I mean because he was a shape shifter and somehow turned himself into a female, well kinda in a way, now that was very smart and quite believable, good job!

    But the twincest was quite disturbing to me, um, I guess it really shouldn't have made me feel all freaked out and yucky but it did, because I can totally handle the situation with Ed/Envy. I mean, after all they're half brothers and they fell for each other and got married, ect.
    But somehow when Dante and Pride (why did they choose those names in the first place? Okay, so I know why they chose Dante but Pride?! I mean; couldn't they have come up with better names, really?!), hooked up or (whatever they did), it felt weird and slightly disturbing.
    About the freakin' names again, to me those names seem to be a little bit too weird, I mean, why does anyone want their children to have the same names as a relative, okay, so maybe some people do but still... I liked Lust and Greed's kids names a lot better, Mina and Hope, although Hope, isn't that more of a girls name, again never mind me and my thoughts, I'm just being picky!

    And they (Dante and Pride) were the children of two brothers (half brothers, but still) and then they too had sex and on top of that, they were also shape shifters, how disturbing isn't that?! It was all a little bit too much incest for me, I guess, hehe!
    I think I know one more reason to why I didn't like the twincest though, it was because of the fact Homunculi could have children (and that means in turn that Dante and Pride also could become parent if they really wanted to or have children together. And that would be scary, with the whole inbreeding thingy and all that other shit, ew!) and that Envy could become pregnant, that kinda threw me off at first, because I can't really picture him as well as the other Homunculi as parents but nevertheless I kinda like Envy as a parent and Ed too, of course! So never mind that...!

    Another reason to why I didn't exactly jump for joy was because of the whole family thing, as you might have guessed (by now) I'm not so into family fics, you know when the couple gets married and starts a family (i.e. having kids), so not my thing, really!
    In oder for me to like a fic which contains all of that stuff, the author has to be extremely talented with everything from the plot, description of the characters, the atmosphere throughout the fic/story, how she/he composes hers/his writing, ect.
    About why I'm being this way is because I'm a perfectionist and I myself could and would never post anything without re-reading it a couple of times before doing so! Therefore I'm also very picky when it comes to spelling right and having the right grammar tense in fics and stories, but I must say that I think it’s really brave of you to post a story, even if you lack both in the spelling and grammar department!
    And I'm not saying you're a bad writer, not at all but I'm just pointing out the obvious stuff you could fix in order to make it a lot better (if you want that is)!

    First of all you've a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, you might want to fix those, at least run it through a spellcheck (your writing program's spellcheck), if you've one that is.
    And if you're unsure how to spell a word, then just Google it or look it up in an Internet dictionary (that's what I always do)! And it's really easy!
    Cos to me, it got very annoying to read the whole fic with all those blasted mistakes, to actually having to stop reading cos I had to try and figure out what it meant or more so, what you were trying to describe!
    And, yes the characters were more than a little bit off, really, but the plot was rather nice, even if I've only seen the anime and its sequel (the Movie).
    The only reason to why I read this fic in the first place was because it had the pairing Ed/Envy, cos they're my favorite characters and my favorite pairing as well, hehe!
    I also liked the way you portrayed Greed, he was a lot of fun and I really liked it when him and Lust got together.
    I can say this, I thought Ed/Envy were adorable, even if they were out of character most of the time and I also thought the fic was pretty funny at times and the smut was quite good as well!
    All in all, I think if you'd just fix the spelling and grammar then perhaps it would get a little easier for people to read it and therefore maybe a lot more would actually read it as well!
    And even if I'm not your biggest fan with this fic I still want to find out what's going to happen next, so please continue and update soon...


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