Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Burn

By : Solo
  • From Tru6768 on December 23, 2009
    Wow, I really loved reading this. First, it's well-written. Second, it has a good pace. From the very first opening scene where they're training and Trunks is trying to reach SSJ, I thought, "oh, ok, they're going to fuck now--Gohan will take him against his will and that will make him angry enough to go SSJ." But that didn't happen, so in the next scene, I thought "oh, ok, here it comes" but it didn't. And that was a good thing, because by the time it did happen, I had a read on the characters and could understand what they were going through based on the events leading up to it. That's so much better than just some boring narrative, like "Trunks felt sad, Gohan felt helpless." You showed, through the scenes, how they were feeling. Anyway, I'm not articulating this very well, but I hope you understand what I mean. It makes the story so much more captivating.

    I liked the part where Trunks was trying to bring Gohan around after the fight with the androids and he was repeating "Damn. It. Gohan!" or similar. Those few words really showed his complete frustration but at the same time, a sort of "this is just the way life is here" resignation. Not sure why, but it really got me. I thought Trunks was extremely well done. I could very easily see him walking out of the History of Trunks and into this story seamlessly. Excellent insight into his character. (I know, like me, you are a hardcore Trunks fan ;-) so really, bravo on doing the future wonderboy justice). I especially liked how you described him from Gohan's point of view as always so eager and willing to please. I definitely see him that way in both time lines, and his eagerness and intensity really come through in your story. Also, I thought Gohan was in character. I mean, with forcing himself on Trunks--it's true that is not something that I would expect the always valiant Gohan to do. But one has to keep in mind the extreme, debilitating stress that they live with all the time, every day, day in and day out. And he has to put on a calm and happy exterior in the face of it all for his mother, for Trunks and for Bulma. Who's to say how that could affect a person? And we all know from when he was a kid that Gohan's not the most mentally stable person out there.

    Anyway, if you decide to stop this at a oneshot, it is and will continue to be a very good oneshot :) I'd love to see you continue with it though. When characters are well developed, there are so many places a story could go. I mean, maybe they go through more trials and tribulations; dealing with the androids *and* now the added problem of their strained relationship. Maybe Trunks grows up to resent Gohan for what he did. Or maybe he grows to forgive him. Maybe once he does that, the feelings that he had/has for Gohan will be recognized. It's easy to see that the feelings were there, he was just way too young to want to act on them or even know how to. It's hard to say how it would turn out... As said, if you leave it as a oneshot, the reader can imagine whatever she likes :) But it'd be really great to see it play out. Oh and there's tons of potential for them to be really fucked up in the head; which is, incidentally, a character trait I totally love ;-P

    Alright, I talk too much. Happy writing!
    Report Review

  • From MoonFace on December 14, 2009
    Oh wow I'm torn between loving how you wrote your G/T lemon and totally feeling sorry for Trunks when Gohan took advantage of him.
    Gosh this story sounds really good!
    Can't wait for the next chapter (:
    Report Review

  • From AwesomeIncarnate on December 13, 2009
    Oh my God, rape that nobody feels good about after? What a novel concept!

    Seriously though, you've got a good one here. The characters were well done; you said that you thought Gohan was a little out of character, but (except for the whole rape thing) I didn't really see it. Everything, including (sort of) Gohan's little lapse of sense, was believable in the context of what was happening.

    Hm. I could see how you could expand on it, if that's the route you choose to take...I certainly wouldn't complain. Although I do like endings that aren't really endings, sometimes.

    Okay, I suck at the whole 'review' thing. The point is, I liked the story. Good job.


    Awesomeincarnate
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!