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Reviews for Yumenimo

By : DuonoTsuin
  • From Anzi on July 18, 2011
    Chapter 1: Seemed like every 10 or so lines of chatter there was a scene change to another time period. That made the story too choppy and too rushed. Also, there were no solid paragraphs or any something to pull me in and make me want to read it. I read a bit of the beginning, but them got bored with the one liners and the fact that for the numbered things I had to scroll down to the BOTTOM to even find out the information I needed to know to get whatever it was being numbered.I was also thrown off by the number of things underlined which, I assume you were using to put emphasis on the words underlined. But that's what italics and bold print are generally for.

    Chapter 2: This whole thing was one giant jumbled MESS. I didn't even attempt to read it, as it looked like it was the same basic one liner format as the first chapter, only without the spaces.

    You don't write about any movement or happenings really, only dialogue mostly. That's a real bummer. How are you supposed to draw people in through speech when they don't understand the layout of things? Really, this just was not worth it for me. Sorry.
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  • From ANON - Shampoo on July 23, 2003
    Kick ass start! I defi itely could go for more. I've read this somewhere else before...I think. Well, I'll just have to read it again.
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