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January 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
heheh... I loved this. Loved how you tied it all up neatly at the end, explaining Goku's strangely dominant behavior through the whole fic. And it was HOT. As for Camaro... She needs to get over herself. :D
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January 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
The dialogue in this piece was hilarious - very well done. ^^ It also had a nice, steamy quality that I really enjoyed.
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January 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
ooohh that story was so hot i wish i had someone who knew what i needed.
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December 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow.. I have to say, for all of TheChiChiSlaughterHouse's compliments of you.. you truly live up to each one. Your word usage is unBELIEVABLE. Terrific, I can't stress it enough. By the first paragraph the words "God DAMN" were echoing in my head. Truly, you have an amazing gift for using unique words and using them correctly.
But your character development was.... extremely lacking. At least in this story and because (admittedly) I was paying very close attention to how you would use it. But I also can contribute it to the fact that this (from what I'm seeing so far, I write reviews as I read) is something of a pwp. Now, I'm not a fan of pwps but haha, neither am I a fan of YOU, so I'm keeping an open mind.
But at this point, I don't like either one of your characters. I find they're extremely... I'm going to say 1 dimensional for lack of a better way to explain it. It's just kinda like watching the show at this point, and not having known the character's past. You feel no sympathy or better... you can't relate in a "human" way to them.. (hilarious choice of words, I know).
Hahaha, and because I'm a sexist female, I will say that had I known NOTHING about you coming into reading this, I could have known right off, you're a man. There is little to NO emotion in either character. They might as well be flinging their shit at one another as they swing in trees uttering the words "unga unga". Brain dead animals.. Nothing to them.
But again.. pwp.
Hmm.. at this point, I feel the need to comment on the ooc-ness of Goku. Again, I realize this is as a result of absolutely no real storyline, but we're given NO real reason as to why he's doing what he's doing, no real excuses (based on the series) as to why he's acting SO contradictory to his "normal" self. Even pwps ought to have a LITTLE something more to them than this. It's entirely lacking in creativity, originality, POINT and just about every aspect that I treasure in literature.
::winks::
You know, for one that comments rather often on other people's "extreme ooc"... This is rather... hypocritical.
But again, I'm won over by JUST this paragraph here...
Not a cave proper, the hollow beneath the rocky overhang had been carved out over successive years of flooding by the stream outside, the sides slowly worn auntiuntil only a few irregular pillars graced with decades of vined growth shielded it from the outside. There was a greenish glow as sunlight filtered through, leaving dappled patches of light to shift across the canted floor that was carpeted by thick moss and velvety ground cover. The faint drip of water from deeper shadows testified the river’s continued wearing down of stone.
The fact that you take time out to describe the scenery but don't take even a sentence to make the characters even remotely likable... completely throws me off. But still, the wording is exceptional, marvelous. There aren't even enough adjectives to describe it. Honestly, your word usage should be used for poetry. This paragraph is divine.. why not use it in a worthy story?
Hmmm yeah. I've kinda lost interest in this because it's SOOOO not my thing. I don't like Uke Vegeta, I don't like PWPs and for the most part, I don't really like you. Haha.. ok, that's a lie. I do like you because you're honest. Or maybe.. I don't like you, but I respect you. Because I see that in a fandom with a thousand worshipful fans and "OMG YOUR LIKE THE BEST RIGHTER EVER"s, you never fail to tell the truth, despite how hurtful your bluntness can be. I like that. I wish there were more of you.
And because of certain aspects I love in your writing, because of my respect and also because of TheChiChiSlaughterHouse, I want to read something that actually MIGHT give me some idea of WHAT kind of author you really are. Because this? This sucks, I'm sorry, that's not me being biased, that's just how I honestly feel. Had I never come in any sort of contact with you, I probably would have read this and flamed it for being so painfully unoriginal and pointless. .. So maybe I am being biased?
Regardless, I have high hopes that I will be recommended something by you that is worth the time dissecting it. This isn't, but that's simply personal preference.
Camaro
But your character development was.... extremely lacking. At least in this story and because (admittedly) I was paying very close attention to how you would use it. But I also can contribute it to the fact that this (from what I'm seeing so far, I write reviews as I read) is something of a pwp. Now, I'm not a fan of pwps but haha, neither am I a fan of YOU, so I'm keeping an open mind.
But at this point, I don't like either one of your characters. I find they're extremely... I'm going to say 1 dimensional for lack of a better way to explain it. It's just kinda like watching the show at this point, and not having known the character's past. You feel no sympathy or better... you can't relate in a "human" way to them.. (hilarious choice of words, I know).
Hahaha, and because I'm a sexist female, I will say that had I known NOTHING about you coming into reading this, I could have known right off, you're a man. There is little to NO emotion in either character. They might as well be flinging their shit at one another as they swing in trees uttering the words "unga unga". Brain dead animals.. Nothing to them.
But again.. pwp.
Hmm.. at this point, I feel the need to comment on the ooc-ness of Goku. Again, I realize this is as a result of absolutely no real storyline, but we're given NO real reason as to why he's doing what he's doing, no real excuses (based on the series) as to why he's acting SO contradictory to his "normal" self. Even pwps ought to have a LITTLE something more to them than this. It's entirely lacking in creativity, originality, POINT and just about every aspect that I treasure in literature.
::winks::
You know, for one that comments rather often on other people's "extreme ooc"... This is rather... hypocritical.
But again, I'm won over by JUST this paragraph here...
Not a cave proper, the hollow beneath the rocky overhang had been carved out over successive years of flooding by the stream outside, the sides slowly worn auntiuntil only a few irregular pillars graced with decades of vined growth shielded it from the outside. There was a greenish glow as sunlight filtered through, leaving dappled patches of light to shift across the canted floor that was carpeted by thick moss and velvety ground cover. The faint drip of water from deeper shadows testified the river’s continued wearing down of stone.
The fact that you take time out to describe the scenery but don't take even a sentence to make the characters even remotely likable... completely throws me off. But still, the wording is exceptional, marvelous. There aren't even enough adjectives to describe it. Honestly, your word usage should be used for poetry. This paragraph is divine.. why not use it in a worthy story?
Hmmm yeah. I've kinda lost interest in this because it's SOOOO not my thing. I don't like Uke Vegeta, I don't like PWPs and for the most part, I don't really like you. Haha.. ok, that's a lie. I do like you because you're honest. Or maybe.. I don't like you, but I respect you. Because I see that in a fandom with a thousand worshipful fans and "OMG YOUR LIKE THE BEST RIGHTER EVER"s, you never fail to tell the truth, despite how hurtful your bluntness can be. I like that. I wish there were more of you.
And because of certain aspects I love in your writing, because of my respect and also because of TheChiChiSlaughterHouse, I want to read something that actually MIGHT give me some idea of WHAT kind of author you really are. Because this? This sucks, I'm sorry, that's not me being biased, that's just how I honestly feel. Had I never come in any sort of contact with you, I probably would have read this and flamed it for being so painfully unoriginal and pointless. .. So maybe I am being biased?
Regardless, I have high hopes that I will be recommended something by you that is worth the time dissecting it. This isn't, but that's simply personal preference.
Camaro
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July 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
VERY VERY VERY GOOD! OH GAWD! Just what I wanted, lol. It was so good sometime Later I\'ll just have to see if you have MORE stories! Till then, bye
Cant wait!
Aku~~
Cant wait!
Aku~~
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June 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
never thought I\'d see Vegeta as uke, guess there\'s first for everything good fic though
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February 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Listen try not to trash me like that because at least im trying and I WOULD write even if i dont get reviews. I like it and thats the only review that really counts so stop being a bitch and get off your high horse and have some respect for other peoples work. And for tha record your story isnt the best either and at least im not trashing your stories and even if you dont care, I do.
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December 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!! GREAT WONDERFUL STORY!!! I LUVED IT!!! everyone should read this fic!! it\'s great!!! ^^
thanks for the wonderful story!!! buh bye!!
Hikari Heijin
thanks for the wonderful story!!! buh bye!!
Hikari Heijin
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September 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Why can't more people write fics like this damnit?!!!!