rate_review Reviews

You know? I like this.. I honestly think its pretty good and I LOVED the part where Vegeta\'s sort of.. thinking to himself or something and going ,yada yada yada, he\'d heard the \'I\'m going to take over the world so stay out of my way speech\' and then thinks to himself that he\'s given it a time or two. I thought that was really necessary humor and actually made me want to read over the boring, reiterating what we already know about the series talk. I think you do that too much though... going over and repeating what happened in the series. It gets rather tedious at times and you find yourself just skipping over it, which I did for a good remainder of this chapter and the ENTIRE first chapter.

In fact, I\'d wager to say you could have just skipped writing these at all, but then, I don\'t know what you have planned and what just might be crucial to the future plot.. so my opinion on that is irrelevant at this time. All in all, I liked the humor.. I thought that was really subtle, not like you planned it or were REALLY trying (like most pathetic attempts at DBZ fanfic comedy.. barf) but it was natural and it really even kept up with the character\'s personality. Like how Vegeta has such a dry sense of humor, you really seemed to take that into account even going so far as to put yourself in his shoes and write the way that you imagined he was thinking. That\'s a sign of an awesome author and I\'m impressed.

Cut down on the cliche \"baka\'s\" and \"harpy\"s.. That\'s just dumb and WAY WAY WAYYYYY overused. I\'d bet my life savings (which is the equivalent of $23 at the moment) that you have a lot more creativity than to use words from a language I doubt you even know. You\'re better than that! So don\'t conform to unoriginality, cut down on the reiterating of what we already know... and I\'d say this is fucking gold. Its really good and keep me posted on when you update. I\'d love to see where you\'re taking this.

Camaro

UPDATE! Too much...REALness >.<
It\'s SUPPOSED to be V+G(K)!!
You must update so I can continue
reading this :)

How could I what? Breathe? Yes well I suppose that the air on this planet is a bit to coarse for me, but I make do with what I have to,” --*dies giggling* Yes, Vegeta--even our air isn\'t good enough for you. *poor dear*

And calling Cell a drama queen. That was good.

And pregnant man-saiyans! *happy*

he wear some Kami-awful pink shirt,--

WHY VEGETA--WHY?! *sobs* *gets over it*

*hands over random six-hundred words* Now you have the word count! Yay!

*sits and waits for more*

Yeah!!!! feels good don\'t it? Good start. -El-