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January 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ewww... why is Trunks still opening that wound?? So, that's why it never really healed. You know, if I had to take a guess, I'd say that he was either trying to dig out his heart to stop his pain, or he was digging around to see if he actually had one. Either way, yucky!! You know, my favorite part of this chapter had to be where they both said the wrong names. Well, Trunks almost said the wrong name... same difference. Still, it's sad to think that they were both only using each other to act out their own little fantasies. And I seriously doubt that Trunks could ever make Gohan love him, not when he's so clearly in love with Mirai. I cannot wait to hear what Mirai's thoughts are on this particular memory of Trunks's. I also thought the Piccolo part was extremely interesting too, as I was wondering if he was going to make an appearance in this story or not. Well, not really an actual appearance per se, I was just wondering if he was going to be mentioned. Again, what an incredible job on this chapter, and I'm very sorry to hear that your computer crashed. That majorly sucks. As always, I look forward to more of this story soon!!
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January 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
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January 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
So Trunks pretended that he was having sex with Goten, and Gohan imagined that he's with Mirai.
Ah, but that was gorgeaous. The struggling, the pain, hurt, instincts revealed from both sides… Not once I admired how you turn a fight into music. So full of emotions that the ears seem to burst. And it’s never enough – I try to catch every word, every gush of wind in the scene. Ah well, I just love this story.
Ah, but that was gorgeaous. The struggling, the pain, hurt, instincts revealed from both sides… Not once I admired how you turn a fight into music. So full of emotions that the ears seem to burst. And it’s never enough – I try to catch every word, every gush of wind in the scene. Ah well, I just love this story.
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January 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Gaaah..besides the lack of sleep in these past few days.. and the fact that I'll have to get up early tomorrow (ugh) get ready (double ugh) and take buses all across four cities for ONE JOB.. I'm really glad I took this time to read chapter 19. I know a lot of bozo fans are talking to you, emailing you, instead of just REVIEWING, so even though I talked to you WHILE I read it..now that I finished, here's my review:
I thought Trunks was hot. Like beyond hot. And we can see him becoming more in touch with his human side. Best of all (the best news ever) you haven't made him a pansy. Not a mama's boy. Not some sentimental weeping whore. You kept him in touch with who we all got acquainted with, someone we're COMFORTABLE with: a heavily sexual being, cold, and an asshole. We all love assholes! But yes, you made him so hot that I'm not so sure about my sexuality anymore.. if he were real or I was a cartoon, sure, he could use me!
And secondly.. I thought this chapter was beautiful because of the length (DAMN.) and the techniques you used. Instead of another example of love, you let us have an opportunity to see Mirai try to understand TRUNKS better and not just change his perspective. You're lengthening your story and giving out good material to give depth to your two main characters. You add personal little touches that I really like, such as the chip bit with Mirai's mom that remind us of his past and his motivation to help Trunks instead of just conforming him. We're let into the insight of the two Saiyan hybrids and how THEY must feel, like every other hybrid in this great big racial world and it helps US, the readers, understand more.
I had more..but my back hurts..and I'm tired. besides, I told you anyways! I'll try to catch up on my reading after finals! love you much
I thought Trunks was hot. Like beyond hot. And we can see him becoming more in touch with his human side. Best of all (the best news ever) you haven't made him a pansy. Not a mama's boy. Not some sentimental weeping whore. You kept him in touch with who we all got acquainted with, someone we're COMFORTABLE with: a heavily sexual being, cold, and an asshole. We all love assholes! But yes, you made him so hot that I'm not so sure about my sexuality anymore.. if he were real or I was a cartoon, sure, he could use me!
And secondly.. I thought this chapter was beautiful because of the length (DAMN.) and the techniques you used. Instead of another example of love, you let us have an opportunity to see Mirai try to understand TRUNKS better and not just change his perspective. You're lengthening your story and giving out good material to give depth to your two main characters. You add personal little touches that I really like, such as the chip bit with Mirai's mom that remind us of his past and his motivation to help Trunks instead of just conforming him. We're let into the insight of the two Saiyan hybrids and how THEY must feel, like every other hybrid in this great big racial world and it helps US, the readers, understand more.
I had more..but my back hurts..and I'm tired. besides, I told you anyways! I'll try to catch up on my reading after finals! love you much
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January 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is an incredible chapter! All the blood , guts and sex made me dizzy- -I've got to say, you're one of the best writers in Affn I've had the good luck to stumble across. Please please continue the great job you're doing...but take a break first, you've earned it!
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January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Another interesting perspective. Trunks feels a lot more than he lets on.
As for the crashing thing, try to save every couple minutes, so you don't lose as much.
Great chapter.
As for the crashing thing, try to save every couple minutes, so you don't lose as much.
Great chapter.
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January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well... That was just fucking unbelievable.
I could only stare at the screen while Gohan was repeating the history of the world. Create and destroy. While standing in that pond he was a God. The only and usual problem was that his own creation (his own façade) screwed up. Ah well. Angels fall first.
The fight… I even don’t have words to comment on it. That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Raw emotion bleeding from beneath the fists. Just amazing.
I could only stare at the screen while Gohan was repeating the history of the world. Create and destroy. While standing in that pond he was a God. The only and usual problem was that his own creation (his own façade) screwed up. Ah well. Angels fall first.
The fight… I even don’t have words to comment on it. That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Raw emotion bleeding from beneath the fists. Just amazing.
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January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well, I'm not sure where to start on this one. first of all... How do you make things so delightfully sadistic, and yet make them so hot that I'm taking a cold shower after I read it? That's something I have yet to master, and I'm so amazed at your talent to do so!
And yet still, your useless obsession lingers. It's really beyond me, yet so obvious. And here all along I knew you stared at me, watching me, gazing just a little too long at my face.
It's funny how we seem to replace the real thing with just an imitation, isn't it? You know what I mean. How can I replace real love with just a lie? I think that I've figured out just reading this that maybe it's just a cheap, cruel imitation of what I really wanted.
I was a constant fucking failure because I wasn't exactly what people were so sure I'd grow up to be. I was given this perfect mold and expected to MAGICALLY be exactly like him from the day I was born. Fuck who I wanted to be or the choices I wanted to make. Because they NEVER would have been Mirai's!
Goddamn. Ok, I'll tell you who my parents are. Daddy? He's a very popular preacher, and my mom? She's the director of a middle school. City council? Yeah. Church? Yeah. Everyone who sees me sees as their daughter, and it gets frustrating becasue everything I do is compared to them. I'm not an angel. Duh. I smoke weed and I like gay couples. Not to mention the fact that I smoke, cuss, and write erotica. I tried pleasing them but nothing I did was ever good enough, and I got it from everyone. I finally got bitter and pissed and I married the wrong asshole. A few hard knocks woke me up to the fact that I can't rebel constantly against it. I am who I am, and not even my parental units will EVER change that. Right, babe?
"You're going to love me more than you could ever love him."
It's it funny how we dread the truth, and yet, for some strange, fucked up reason, we will always love the ability to touch reality? If we think for just a minute that reality becomes our dreams, we get lulled into being relaxed in our little play world even though it isn't real. I think that Gohan saw Trunks as Mirai and honestly believed it. That's a powerful thought. We can bend our own reality to our dreams.
"You're amazing," He whispered, barely enough for the other to hear. "You're everything I ever wanted Got..... Gohan."
The simple fact of the matter is that Trunks and Gohan both see each other as a different person. Again, bending reality. It doesn't make the act any less atrocious. Fact is fact.
"He's your dream," Trunks whispered. "I'm your reality."
I could go on and on about the division between dreams and reality, but let me say this. People are always looking for an outlet of their dreams. Dreams drive mankind to progress and to reach beyond what they are used to. The first chance that we have to take our dreams and twist them to reality, we jump at it. What scares me most about Trunks in this story is that he has the deadly ability to see those dreams and twist them to a fucked up version of reality.
And even if he were to come back now... what would he return to but one big used up, tired out piece of trash. A broken little dolly.
Have you ever read any of C.S. Lewis' earlier work? He wrote a story called the "Pilgrim's Regress" which was an obvious satire on the old "Pilgrims Progress." It talks about the regression of mankind into a more primitive, animal race as the result of divuldging in the instinctual desires of their hearts. as a result, sin happens, and if a "Savior" were to ever come try to lead us back to the right path, it would never work. We've regressed too far. All we are is a broken species that allows our animal desires to destroy and make us regress no matter how hard we reach for the future and try to progress beyond our simple instinct.
It boils down to this: We are a slave to our desires and emotions, no matter how we fight it. It is INSTINCT to be animalistic. It is human.
All in all, this chapter blew my mind and gave me an incredible time in the cold shower, thank you very much. ^_^ I can't wait for the next chapter. You're so talented and you've been doing so wonderfully in this story.
^_^ Hedu adenokoitai! It is good to lay with a man!!!
BG
And yet still, your useless obsession lingers. It's really beyond me, yet so obvious. And here all along I knew you stared at me, watching me, gazing just a little too long at my face.
It's funny how we seem to replace the real thing with just an imitation, isn't it? You know what I mean. How can I replace real love with just a lie? I think that I've figured out just reading this that maybe it's just a cheap, cruel imitation of what I really wanted.
I was a constant fucking failure because I wasn't exactly what people were so sure I'd grow up to be. I was given this perfect mold and expected to MAGICALLY be exactly like him from the day I was born. Fuck who I wanted to be or the choices I wanted to make. Because they NEVER would have been Mirai's!
Goddamn. Ok, I'll tell you who my parents are. Daddy? He's a very popular preacher, and my mom? She's the director of a middle school. City council? Yeah. Church? Yeah. Everyone who sees me sees as their daughter, and it gets frustrating becasue everything I do is compared to them. I'm not an angel. Duh. I smoke weed and I like gay couples. Not to mention the fact that I smoke, cuss, and write erotica. I tried pleasing them but nothing I did was ever good enough, and I got it from everyone. I finally got bitter and pissed and I married the wrong asshole. A few hard knocks woke me up to the fact that I can't rebel constantly against it. I am who I am, and not even my parental units will EVER change that. Right, babe?
"You're going to love me more than you could ever love him."
It's it funny how we dread the truth, and yet, for some strange, fucked up reason, we will always love the ability to touch reality? If we think for just a minute that reality becomes our dreams, we get lulled into being relaxed in our little play world even though it isn't real. I think that Gohan saw Trunks as Mirai and honestly believed it. That's a powerful thought. We can bend our own reality to our dreams.
"You're amazing," He whispered, barely enough for the other to hear. "You're everything I ever wanted Got..... Gohan."
The simple fact of the matter is that Trunks and Gohan both see each other as a different person. Again, bending reality. It doesn't make the act any less atrocious. Fact is fact.
"He's your dream," Trunks whispered. "I'm your reality."
I could go on and on about the division between dreams and reality, but let me say this. People are always looking for an outlet of their dreams. Dreams drive mankind to progress and to reach beyond what they are used to. The first chance that we have to take our dreams and twist them to reality, we jump at it. What scares me most about Trunks in this story is that he has the deadly ability to see those dreams and twist them to a fucked up version of reality.
And even if he were to come back now... what would he return to but one big used up, tired out piece of trash. A broken little dolly.
Have you ever read any of C.S. Lewis' earlier work? He wrote a story called the "Pilgrim's Regress" which was an obvious satire on the old "Pilgrims Progress." It talks about the regression of mankind into a more primitive, animal race as the result of divuldging in the instinctual desires of their hearts. as a result, sin happens, and if a "Savior" were to ever come try to lead us back to the right path, it would never work. We've regressed too far. All we are is a broken species that allows our animal desires to destroy and make us regress no matter how hard we reach for the future and try to progress beyond our simple instinct.
It boils down to this: We are a slave to our desires and emotions, no matter how we fight it. It is INSTINCT to be animalistic. It is human.
All in all, this chapter blew my mind and gave me an incredible time in the cold shower, thank you very much. ^_^ I can't wait for the next chapter. You're so talented and you've been doing so wonderfully in this story.
^_^ Hedu adenokoitai! It is good to lay with a man!!!
BG
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January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow.... This was a sick treat! I know I reviewed this better while we were chatting, so, I am going to leave comments for the first part of this out.
Of couse, it still has to be said, Trunks is a sick SICK fuck. The chapters that led to this one.... don't do his individual real justice. We all accepted the cruelty at face value. In this chapter, we got to see more of what was behind it, and the standards he's been fighting agianst, just to prove how much he 'doesn't' care what Miria was/is like.
Poor Gohan. We've all had crushes that have never worked out, and there is always the 'what if's' left in their wake. He just had his secrects and 'what if's' torn away from him in a very cruel and unjust manner.
Although this chapter was.... more volitile than what I would usually care to read, I still found myself extreamly fascinated by the processes. I saw both anger, grief and denile in this one, and there are others I am leaving out.
Wow... that had to take a lot out of you to write. Very inspiring as well as intimidating. Excellent job!
Of couse, it still has to be said, Trunks is a sick SICK fuck. The chapters that led to this one.... don't do his individual real justice. We all accepted the cruelty at face value. In this chapter, we got to see more of what was behind it, and the standards he's been fighting agianst, just to prove how much he 'doesn't' care what Miria was/is like.
Poor Gohan. We've all had crushes that have never worked out, and there is always the 'what if's' left in their wake. He just had his secrects and 'what if's' torn away from him in a very cruel and unjust manner.
Although this chapter was.... more volitile than what I would usually care to read, I still found myself extreamly fascinated by the processes. I saw both anger, grief and denile in this one, and there are others I am leaving out.
Wow... that had to take a lot out of you to write. Very inspiring as well as intimidating. Excellent job!
schedule
January 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Greatest story I ever read! You're a gifted writer, I really got sucked into this story. Kept reading until I got to chap. 20 and was VERY disappointed to see the story isn't finished! Please update, I'm sure ALL of your readers are waiting anxiously for the next chapter!
Keep up the good work!
Greetz, Pride of a Saiyan
Keep up the good work!
Greetz, Pride of a Saiyan