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January 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OOPS i sent you a blank review by accident forgive me.
any way i just wanted to tell you have imagineitive this is.
I love Redux and this is even better. jst wanted to say thanks
for all the hard work you put into this!
now i just wanted to know you said that you pay this game with friends
is that like a role playing game and if so is this story based on your adventures.
Because i have played alot of role playing games like D&D and star wars and such!
If this is a game you made up or is existing i like to know about it.
P.S. I caught the hole Star Wars scene and loved it." aren't you short for a alchemist" LOL
and the Tenshi Mayo scene with the ring of flowers and the promise that mustang would marry her.
any way i just wanted to tell you have imagineitive this is.
I love Redux and this is even better. jst wanted to say thanks
for all the hard work you put into this!
now i just wanted to know you said that you pay this game with friends
is that like a role playing game and if so is this story based on your adventures.
Because i have played alot of role playing games like D&D and star wars and such!
If this is a game you made up or is existing i like to know about it.
P.S. I caught the hole Star Wars scene and loved it." aren't you short for a alchemist" LOL
and the Tenshi Mayo scene with the ring of flowers and the promise that mustang would marry her.
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September 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It\'s rather interesting. I\'m surprised this isn\'t up on Fanfiction.net with the rest of the fics from the Sue Gate. And people never ceased to amaze me...Most Sues are female or self insertations but you got a MALE Sue? ~is amazed~ I\'m known to be rather harsh on fics on regular fanfiction.net, especially on Gate-Crosser ones. But it\'s all good criticism.
Lucky for you, you only crossed the Sue Gate. I\'ve read some of your other, OC-free fics and there is no Canon Rape. Go you! :)
Not all of the OCs in this fic are Sues. The bad guy is borderline, the doctor most likely not (since she resembles just a random oficer assigned to look after the boys). The Princess girl is what I call a broad-sue. Random babe just there. I\'m shocked you haven\'t done anything with her yet. The little boy, I hate to say is a Sue. A Yaoi-Sue :P
What makes him a Sue? (figures I\'d explain since male characters are hardly ever considered Sue-ish)
-He has a direct relation to a main character (Ed\'s \"student\")
-He has what seems to be a tragic past
-He immediately sought interest in canons.
-Canons sought interest in return (Roy ~coughs~)
Had none of the above occurred he would not be a Sue. It\'s basically the love interests and the fact all the guys are fawning all over him that give away his Sue-ism.
A bonus point for your fic is that, unlike other Sue-Crossers, Winry and Riza were in it but were not there as love rivals. They were actually part of the plot.
And your fic has a REAL plot. Another bonus.
Alphonse is actually involved in the story ~chuckle~
I\'m not bashing you or your fic, I was just pointing out the obvious ^^ Though I\'d avoid posting this on fanfic.net just because that\'s where all the Spork Hunters go and I\'d hate to see your fic actually do get heavily bashed.
I love the plot though and look forward to the next update!
-Sunny
Lucky for you, you only crossed the Sue Gate. I\'ve read some of your other, OC-free fics and there is no Canon Rape. Go you! :)
Not all of the OCs in this fic are Sues. The bad guy is borderline, the doctor most likely not (since she resembles just a random oficer assigned to look after the boys). The Princess girl is what I call a broad-sue. Random babe just there. I\'m shocked you haven\'t done anything with her yet. The little boy, I hate to say is a Sue. A Yaoi-Sue :P
What makes him a Sue? (figures I\'d explain since male characters are hardly ever considered Sue-ish)
-He has a direct relation to a main character (Ed\'s \"student\")
-He has what seems to be a tragic past
-He immediately sought interest in canons.
-Canons sought interest in return (Roy ~coughs~)
Had none of the above occurred he would not be a Sue. It\'s basically the love interests and the fact all the guys are fawning all over him that give away his Sue-ism.
A bonus point for your fic is that, unlike other Sue-Crossers, Winry and Riza were in it but were not there as love rivals. They were actually part of the plot.
And your fic has a REAL plot. Another bonus.
Alphonse is actually involved in the story ~chuckle~
I\'m not bashing you or your fic, I was just pointing out the obvious ^^ Though I\'d avoid posting this on fanfic.net just because that\'s where all the Spork Hunters go and I\'d hate to see your fic actually do get heavily bashed.
I love the plot though and look forward to the next update!
-Sunny
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September 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Longest FMA fic here O_O;; ((At least until I post mine in the Winter when Im done *lol*)) I had to read the long one though!! Whew...
It\'s great keep going!
Just a couple of pointers- 1) FullMetal may be a Japanese anime but the country they are in is not Japan, nor are they Asian. The closest thing is Xing and that is Chinese not Japanese. In the case of an FMA fic you should avoid using Japanese suffixes and words. Stick to English >^_^< Using Japanese like that just makes you look like a fangirl. (And base don your mature writing style you are NOT a wannabe fangirl) 2) Envy doesn\'t talk like that. His sentences are sually very choppy, energetic and don\'t make much sense. When writing with Envy think of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. That\'s sort of how he is like. 3) Keep an eye on the time period. Make sure any technology is canon for 1912.
It\'s a really great fic! Keep going! Spam my Lj some time it\'s Black_Iris
UPDATE SOON PLEASE!
It\'s great keep going!
Just a couple of pointers- 1) FullMetal may be a Japanese anime but the country they are in is not Japan, nor are they Asian. The closest thing is Xing and that is Chinese not Japanese. In the case of an FMA fic you should avoid using Japanese suffixes and words. Stick to English >^_^< Using Japanese like that just makes you look like a fangirl. (And base don your mature writing style you are NOT a wannabe fangirl) 2) Envy doesn\'t talk like that. His sentences are sually very choppy, energetic and don\'t make much sense. When writing with Envy think of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. That\'s sort of how he is like. 3) Keep an eye on the time period. Make sure any technology is canon for 1912.
It\'s a really great fic! Keep going! Spam my Lj some time it\'s Black_Iris
UPDATE SOON PLEASE!
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September 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
like the new chapter, now,back to Ed if you please...^_^
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July 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
good job as always. might want to work on your tenses just a little bit, but very, very engaging otherwise! please continue!
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July 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG! Cliffy! You gotta update! Yeah I know you barely put this chapter up but omg! update! So good!
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July 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
just finished chap 10.it just keeps getting better!but unless i\'m not mistaken, in addition to star wars, i think i detect a little fushigi yuugi fandom going on...^_^
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July 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love this fic! It is very well written and it has a very good story line. I was happy to see that it was updated and I hope you can keep updating relatively soon. Thanks for the great story.
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July 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
this story is soo good update soon please
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July 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
im so happy u updated after sooo long ive been goin crazy waitin for more of the story