rate_review Reviews

Please tell me you haven\'t given up on this, or Desert for that matter. There both awesome. If I have to I will beg for an update on both of them.

love the star wars ref...but then, you already know that. catch my fic yet?

Wow.........Long story.....
Very long story....
Um....

Where to begin...

Um...

First of all, I\'m not a very big fan of yaoi, so I appreciate you at least kept it down to a minimum. And you had some normal hetero stuff in there too.

I like your writing style. It shows you have skill, talent, patience, intelligence, and the will to write more than just one paragraph of smut (like certain other people).

OCs annoy me....Then again, I just hate OCs in general. It\'s one thing if the story is completely original, but it\'s another if it\'s fanfic. OCs just sound to fan wannabe-ish. Kinda reminds me of those bajillion stories I keep finding with \"Nekoyasha the girl cat hanyou who Inuyasha dumps Kagome and Kikyo for and falls in love with instead\" bleh!

But I like your story! Keep writing! ^-^ :)

I love yaoi! Yaoi is good! But I only have 1 prob and that\'s.... WHY YOU TRYIN TO MAKE ED N ROY BREAK UP??? I dont think many people really care about ur OCs here enough to imagine them bangin the main guys *shivers* Ed and Roy 4 ever! Ed and Roy together 4 ever! They r meant 2 be!!!!!

I skimmed through the enitre thing....Then reread it skipping all the gay bits of course...

I loved FVSFMR (yes we gave the story an acronym XD) up until the gay sex...made me and my male ganglia twitch and want to hide in the closet.

I like the story, and I must agree with most people Roy is very out of character. I DO NOT RAPE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. Especially if they\'re lying sick in the hospital... Roy has his morals and his values.... Seriously he does. I mean damn, poor Tenshi guy....

btw, Where is Hawkeye? Where is my Riza? Grr damn it Grrr! (is a RoyXRiza fan)

Good story, keep writing. Gotta go for now. Al is IMing me.... first it\'s kitties with him now it\'s camels....

After reading ALL the chapters, and Kat begging me since yesterday Im finally reviewing...from the lameo computer lab at my school...

*twitches at the yaoui* *cant see Ed n Roy togehter*

*grabs Kat and runs away with her* MINE DAMN IT! WE SHALL RUN TO MUNICH TOGEDDER!!!

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Hah!........HahHAH! Ed is her Prince of princeness! I am special! BEAT THAT STUPID PERVERT MUSTANG!

Write more dammmit! Or I shall punch my automail fist in a certain sensitive area! So WRITE MORRRRREE!!!!

Im another friend of Kyatto\'s (the Alphonse she RPs with. I think Megan might comment too once she\'s done reading)

Good work! I like how you did Al! So cute and sweet! Heh...the kitty.....

Yay! Kat\'s Prince might be Ed! Hurray! *cheers*

Make Roy Fuhrer! That would be funny!

To quote Craig when he made Roy Fuhrer: \"There is now an official uniform change! From now on, all females are to wear minskirts...Miniskirts for all!\" Tosses miniskirts to all the girls and hands one to Ed* \"Here Ed, you can have one too...\" Ed: \"I dont think so damn it...\"*whakcs him* <-- heheheheheheee twas scandalously funneh

*Al armor falls over and a bunch of kitties come out and run away* No!! My kitties! Come back kitties!!!! *sobs*

Keep writing..for now I must retrieve my feliney friends...*chases after them*

This has to be one of the longest fics in the entire FMA section of AFF.net. Which is why I felt I must comment on what you\'ve written so far.

Thumbs Up Factors :D -

- You bother to use spellcheck for the most part. And your paragraphs are evenly spaced and easy to read.
- You write using proper English and grammar and do not resort to n00b talking and swearing every other sentence.
- The characters which originated in the FMA series are in character most of the time. And behave as they should. (Ex: Ed being cocky, Al being sweet and innocent, and Hughes being fatherly and the \"Look At My Daughter\" thing)
- You\'re in an FMA RPG and you bother to log the chronicles of what goes on. I\'ve been in some RPs and LARPS and the GMs dont bother to do any of that and sometimes even forget where we left off. It\'s annoying, especially for people if they miss a game. So kudos to you for keeping records! ^_^
- Even though some of your content is very much adult, it has mostly PLOT. It\'s not just some random smut out of nowhere. And, from what I noticed, even if you take out the sex, the story stands fine on it\'s own. Have you considered taking out the adult bits and posting it up on the regular fanfiction.net site? It could gain some serious popularity there.
- Your original characters do not exist just for fangirl/fanboyish reasons. (ie. There because you want to pair them up with main characters. Like \"X original person has to be with Ed.) If they do wind up with someone, there is story behind it. They dont just automatically confess their love for eachother right off the bat. <- That\'s something Ive noticed with fanfics involving OCs. So annoying...

(Thumbs Up Factors About the Story)-

-You\'ve written a background for characters in which they\'re backgrounds are never really mentioned. (Roy) And it MAKES SENSE.
- You went through the trouble of coming up with a whole new land, with a whole new culture and it fits in well with the story.
- You came up with your own alchemy. And it has real science behind it. It\'s not random magic and it MAKES SENSE.
- The story is very well-oaced and well thought out.
- Your villain is delicously creepy and very believeable as well as likeable. I think if Kenton was in the series people would make fanclubs for him ^_^
- Edward is PERFECT! Major kudos!

Thumbs Down Factors D:-

-Roy slips out of character a lot.
- I\'m not a very big yaoi fanatic, so having all the male characters with bodies getting action while the girls sit there in the dark makes me feel bad. I\'m a big womens\' rights activist, so I feel bad about the girls in your story not doing anything sexual with the guys. (Im not saying I LIKE hentai, cause I could take it or leave it, but just reading about guy action all the time when there are plenty of availible female pickings irks me a little bit. ) There is nothing in the anime/manga saying that Edward and Roy are flat out homosexual, and it did make me feel a little better when Roy kissed the princess.
- There are moments where your original characters do not act well for the type of series FMA is.
- Edward has yet to eat pie or all out explode at someone for calling him \"short\".
- There are some others....but they\'re too petty to mention....

My opinions of your original characters-

Dr. Seris Ferguson: I like her. She is a very mature, responsilbe adult character and I think she\'ll be a good influence on the rest of the cast. The doctor is helpful, and not the least bit perverted. She is very much the normal type person. I look forward to future chapters that involve her so I could perhaps learn more about her storyline. Seris reminds me a bit of Maria Ross? Is she supposed to be like her?

Tenshi: He\'s cute, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. In this case, it\'s a bit of both. His skills and abilites are marvelable, same goes for his knowledge and background. My only issue is, (and dont take this the wrong way. He is your character/whoever really RPs him after all) he acts way to shoujo for a shounen series. The cuteness reminds me a bit of Shuichi from Gravitation, as well as sadly, Kisa from Furuba. (How he is always going \"Edo-sempai\" reminds me of how Kisa refers to Tohru as \"Onee-chan\") The reason why there is no real cuteness in Full Metal is because Arakawa must have a reason for it. So bringing in a cute shoujo type character into a shounen action/sentimental/drama tends to twist some things a bit. I like him dont get me wrong. He is a very charming character and if you have any other fanfictions where he appears I would like to read them. But if it would be possible, at least for when he\'s in the FMA universe, to lay off the heavy cuteness for a while, I\'d appreciate it. ^_^;; Dont take any of this to heart, because it is only one opinion and this is -your story- with -your characters-. Personally, with how his personality is, I think Tenshi would be a great match for Alphonse <3

Princess Katarin: *bows* Thank you for introducing a young, female original character who is not a complete slut. I find her to be likeable as well as the rest of your original characters. She\'s got a lot of brain smarts, as well as good skills. And the bit of her storyline/background is interesting. Normally, when original characters have an immediate to connection to main cast characters I do not like it, but how she ties in with Roy I can believe and it seems canon for the series. I thought it was a very beautiful dramatic scene when she brought Roy to the Gate. And the scene in the recent chapter in the hallway. Yeah they kiss, but it\'s not like they\'re constantly all over eachother. Both kisses were signs of appreciation/gratitude, not all out smut filled random make outs. Anyway, from her description of her Prince is it Edward? If it is, I think that\'s rahter sweet. Unlike most heavy yaoi fangirls who I noticed reviewed that bit, I think it\'s rather nice to think of him with a girl like her. From what I\'ve noticed of her charcter and personality, she seems like a good match for him. But, this is only what I\'ve noticed so far. In future chapters, she could turn out to be a huge bitch and all of what I said could be flushed down the toilet. XD

Kenton Ares: The big baddie.....I LOVE HIM! He\'s so creepy and awesome! A much better villain than Dante was! I\'m a huge HUGE fan of creepy evil villains! Like Scar from the Lion King, Drakken from Kim Possible, Mumrah from Thundercats, Blight fromt Batman Beyond, Naraku from Inuyasha, as well as many others! He is just the most awesome baddie Ive ever seen in a fanfic! *is getting all fangirlish* ~fangirly squeal~ I want to start a fanclub for him! In fact, I tihnk I will! Gah I want to see a picture of him! Do you have any? If so, please email them to me! I like him a lot! Good job with him!

Now this is just my review for what IVe read. So you dont even have to care. Ignore it, delete it. Whatever. I just thought Id review one of the longest stories in this section. Great job! Please keep writing! and by the way, Flame VS FullMEtal Redux was the best!! <3 <3 <3 ^_^

~Doll Of Lenore~

Part 2 of my review...

(Thumbs Up Factors About the Story)-

-You\'ve written a background for characters in which they\'re backgrounds are never really mentioned. (Roy) And it MAKES SENSE.
- You went through the trouble of coming up with a whole new land, with a whole new culture and it fits in well with the story.
- You came up with your own alchemy. And it has real science behind it. It\'s not random magic and it MAKES SENSE.
- The story is very well-oaced and well thought out.
- Your villain is delicously creepy and very believeable as well as likeable. I think if Kenton was in the series people would make fanclubs for him ^_^
- Edward is PERFECT! Major kudos!

Thumbs Down Factors D:-

-Roy slips out of character a lot.
- I\'m not a very big yaoi fanatic, so having all the male characters with bodies getting action while the girls sit there in the dark makes me feel bad. I\'m a big womens\' rights activist, so I feel bad about the girls in your story not doing anything sexual with the guys. (Im not saying I LIKE hentai, cause I could take it or leave it, but just reading about guy action all the time when there are plenty of availible female pickings irks me a little bit. ) There is nothing in the anime/manga saying that Edward and Roy are flat out homosexual, and it did make me feel a little better when Roy kissed the princess.
- There are moments where your original characters do not act well for the type of series FMA is.
- Edward has yet to eat pie or all out explode at someone for calling him \"short\".
- There are some others....but they\'re too petty to mention....

Part 3 of my review...

My opinions of your original characters-

Dr. Seris Ferguson: I like her. She is a very mature, responsilbe adult character and I think she\'ll be a good influence on the rest of the cast. The doctor is helpful, and not the least bit perverted. She is very much the normal type person. I look forward to future chapters that involve her so I could perhaps learn more about her storyline. Seris reminds me a bit of Maria Ross? Is she supposed to be like her?

Tenshi: He\'s cute, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. In this case, it\'s a bit of both. His skills and abilites are marvelable, same goes for his knowledge and background. My only issue is, (and dont take this the wrong way. He is your character/whoever really RPs him after all) he acts way to shoujo for a shounen series. The cuteness reminds me a bit of Shuichi from Gravitation, as well as sadly, Kisa from Furuba. (How he is always going \"Edo-sempai\" reminds me of how Kisa refers to Tohru as \"Onee-chan\") The reason why there is no real cuteness in Full Metal is because Arakawa must have a reason for it. So bringing in a cute shoujo type character into a shounen action/sentimental/drama tends to twist some things a bit. I like him dont get me wrong. He is a very charming character and if you have any other fanfictions where he appears I would like to read them. But if it would be possible, at least for when he\'s in the FMA universe, to lay off the heavy cuteness for a while, I\'d appreciate it. ^_^;; Dont take any of this to heart, because it is only one opinion and this is -your story- with -your characters-. Personally, with how his personality is, I think Tenshi would be a great match for Alphonse <3

Princess Katarin: *bows* Thank you for introducing a young, female original character who is not a complete slut. I find her to be likeable as well as the rest of your original characters. She\'s got a lot of brain smarts, as well as good skills. And the bit of her storyline/background is interesting. Normally, when original characters have an immediate to connection to main cast characters I do not like it, but how she ties in with Roy I can believe and it seems canon for the series. I thought it was a very beautiful dramatic scene when she brought Roy to the Gate. And the scene in the recent chapter in the hallway. Yeah they kiss, but it\'s not like they\'re constantly all over eachother. Both kisses were signs of appreciation/gratitude, not all out smut filled random make outs. Anyway, from her description of her Prince is it Edward? If it is, I think that\'s rahter sweet. Unlike most heavy yaoi fangirls who I noticed reviewed that bit, I think it\'s rather nice to think of him with a girl like her. From what I\'ve noticed of her charcter and personality, she seems like a good match for him. But, this is only what I\'ve noticed so far. In future chapters, she could turn out to be a huge bitch and all of what I said could be flushed down the toilet. XD

Kenton Ares: The big baddie.....I LOVE HIM! He\'s so creepy and awesome! A much better villain than Dante was! I\'m a huge HUGE fan of creepy evil villains! Like Scar from the Lion King, Drakken from Kim Possible, Mumrah from Thundercats, Blight fromt Batman Beyond, Naraku from Inuyasha, as well as many others! He is just the most awesome baddie Ive ever seen in a fanfic! *is getting all fangirlish* ~fangirly squeal~ I want to start a fanclub for him! In fact, I tihnk I will! Gah I want to see a picture of him! Do you have any? If so, please email them to me! I like him a lot! Good job with him!

Now this is just my review for what IVe read. So you dont even have to care. Ignore it, delete it. Whatever. I just thought Id review one of the longest stories in this section. Great job! Please keep writing! and by the way, Flame VS FullMEtal Redux was the best!! <3 <3 <3 ^_^

~Doll Of Lenore~