schedule
May 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YAY... an update!!! Whoot. Well, I am glad Goku didn\'t create too much trouble while he was out and drunk.
O.o What is this that Goku is noticing about the King??
Uh-oh... I can see Goku getting too friendly with Kamala. (eep)
O.o What is this that Goku is noticing about the King??
Uh-oh... I can see Goku getting too friendly with Kamala. (eep)
schedule
May 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wonderful cliffie.
Goku\'s self-discovery is fascinating to watch unfold.
Keep it up.
Goku\'s self-discovery is fascinating to watch unfold.
Keep it up.
schedule
May 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Erm... I have really nothing to remark about the fic at this point, except to say that it’s a GREAT fic. Sooooo I was ecstatic by knowing it was not a WIP but an already finished work with a set number of chapters.
...
5 were posted by now...
...
But... where are the others?... *whines, miserably*
What happens next?... *sighs, shoulders slump dismally*
... please update!
*glances hopefully at the site update page*
...
5 were posted by now...
...
But... where are the others?... *whines, miserably*
What happens next?... *sighs, shoulders slump dismally*
... please update!
*glances hopefully at the site update page*
schedule
April 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hello B here. Sorry to see you\'re having some problems with certain reviews. It\'s easy to see that that was all just a missunderstanding (sp?), don\'t know why people always have to blow things out of proportions. You want some advice, just ignor them. If people don\'t get a rise out of you then they get borded after a point and leave. After my own first flamer, I found them nothing but amusing to read. Hell I even challenged them to explain their reasoning, that really gets them because I like critizsm, good and bad. Bad is even better then good if they can explain why it\'s bad not just \"it sucks\" @%^@#$%. So very unhelpfull to someone who truely wants to improve.
Anyway I\'m sure you get the point, you\'re a good writer and it\'s obvious you\'re too mature and decent a person to argue with people on the net. I see you being very open and admitting mistakes on your part, far too nice a person, you\'ll just get hurt if you keep playing attention to these people and that\'s bad. Bad, because it ruins fics, I for one don\'t want to see this fic going uncomplete because of someone discouraging the author. It\'s happen plenty of times to other writers, good writers like yourself.
Anyway enought of this stuff. I\'m going to give you a real review, no the whole \"Love it, like it, update!\" I hate it when people claim to give good reviews and only leave stuff like that. A good review isn\'t just a positive comment.
Okay, first off. The concept of this story is nothing new, but the way your writting it has a very exciting and new twist to it. I love the interaction of the characters, it has real development and meaning. All too often I\'ve seen fics with no emotional development and total out of Characterness. I could very well see this story happening in the DBZ world (well all but the yaoi stuff, I don\'t think Akira ever wanted his characters to swing that way, but we fangirls got to have some fun). You\'ve kept the characters real and interesting. We also get to see a side of Goku that was never really explored in DBZ. Vegeta\'s the most emotionally developed anime character \'ever\' in \'any\' anime, but Akira really didn\'t give us any insight to Goku\'s thoughts. In this fic outwardly Goku is still protrayed as a bumpkin, but with your indepth inner monologue we get more explainations and reasons. He\'s not just a bumbling idiot, he\'d got depth and feeling belong sheepishness and carefree. Your Goku has so many worries, he feels so human to me; relatable.
Second, and this I must really congradulate you on, is likable orginal characters. All too often orginal characters are too overpowering or almightly. This story focuses on Goku and Vegeta the characters we all know and love not some invented creature stronger and smarter who\'s come to save the day (I hate those kinds of fics). No, your characters only enhance the flavor of this fics. Vedeno, Vegeta\'s brother, is a good example. He\'s not important to the plot yet, but he\'s an interesting character that supports Vegeta\'s persona. Same with Raveen (sp?) and Kamala they support Raditz and King Vegeta showing a softer side too characters that are usually so tough and restrained in their emotions. Also the idea of Vegeta as a big brother really floats my boat for some reason. I think him having too look out of a younger brother would make him calmer and more responsible. You get the feeling of duty with your Vegeta, duty to his family, his people, his world, deep stuff.
Another feature I like in his fic is how you tie it into the DBZ world. You make comparisons to Mirai Trunks and this fic\'s Goku. How they\'ve got a similar situation. You wrote about the akwardness of meeting yourself or your relatives in an alternative dimension. What would you think of them and how would you think of them. Are they your father, brother? Things Vegeta and Trunks must have thought in the Cell saga. There were other points, that I noticed while reading, but are hard to remember without them in front of me. But, I thought them very clever while reading.
Your fight scenes are very entertaining. You could use some more vocabulary, like roundhouse kick, or horse stance. I noticed once or twice you had to write long descriptions to discribe the pose or action you wanted. Still the point is getting through and I can easily visualize what\'s going on.
Overall I\'m very interested in this fic and am eagerly awaiting more. Take your time, I don\'t care if updates are slow so long as you eventually finish the story.
Keep up the good work and sorry for the lenght of this review, your probably sick of me by now. Still I wanted to give you the pros and cons, I think you\'re one who also wants to better themselves and their work.
ja ne
b-chan
Anyway I\'m sure you get the point, you\'re a good writer and it\'s obvious you\'re too mature and decent a person to argue with people on the net. I see you being very open and admitting mistakes on your part, far too nice a person, you\'ll just get hurt if you keep playing attention to these people and that\'s bad. Bad, because it ruins fics, I for one don\'t want to see this fic going uncomplete because of someone discouraging the author. It\'s happen plenty of times to other writers, good writers like yourself.
Anyway enought of this stuff. I\'m going to give you a real review, no the whole \"Love it, like it, update!\" I hate it when people claim to give good reviews and only leave stuff like that. A good review isn\'t just a positive comment.
Okay, first off. The concept of this story is nothing new, but the way your writting it has a very exciting and new twist to it. I love the interaction of the characters, it has real development and meaning. All too often I\'ve seen fics with no emotional development and total out of Characterness. I could very well see this story happening in the DBZ world (well all but the yaoi stuff, I don\'t think Akira ever wanted his characters to swing that way, but we fangirls got to have some fun). You\'ve kept the characters real and interesting. We also get to see a side of Goku that was never really explored in DBZ. Vegeta\'s the most emotionally developed anime character \'ever\' in \'any\' anime, but Akira really didn\'t give us any insight to Goku\'s thoughts. In this fic outwardly Goku is still protrayed as a bumpkin, but with your indepth inner monologue we get more explainations and reasons. He\'s not just a bumbling idiot, he\'d got depth and feeling belong sheepishness and carefree. Your Goku has so many worries, he feels so human to me; relatable.
Second, and this I must really congradulate you on, is likable orginal characters. All too often orginal characters are too overpowering or almightly. This story focuses on Goku and Vegeta the characters we all know and love not some invented creature stronger and smarter who\'s come to save the day (I hate those kinds of fics). No, your characters only enhance the flavor of this fics. Vedeno, Vegeta\'s brother, is a good example. He\'s not important to the plot yet, but he\'s an interesting character that supports Vegeta\'s persona. Same with Raveen (sp?) and Kamala they support Raditz and King Vegeta showing a softer side too characters that are usually so tough and restrained in their emotions. Also the idea of Vegeta as a big brother really floats my boat for some reason. I think him having too look out of a younger brother would make him calmer and more responsible. You get the feeling of duty with your Vegeta, duty to his family, his people, his world, deep stuff.
Another feature I like in his fic is how you tie it into the DBZ world. You make comparisons to Mirai Trunks and this fic\'s Goku. How they\'ve got a similar situation. You wrote about the akwardness of meeting yourself or your relatives in an alternative dimension. What would you think of them and how would you think of them. Are they your father, brother? Things Vegeta and Trunks must have thought in the Cell saga. There were other points, that I noticed while reading, but are hard to remember without them in front of me. But, I thought them very clever while reading.
Your fight scenes are very entertaining. You could use some more vocabulary, like roundhouse kick, or horse stance. I noticed once or twice you had to write long descriptions to discribe the pose or action you wanted. Still the point is getting through and I can easily visualize what\'s going on.
Overall I\'m very interested in this fic and am eagerly awaiting more. Take your time, I don\'t care if updates are slow so long as you eventually finish the story.
Keep up the good work and sorry for the lenght of this review, your probably sick of me by now. Still I wanted to give you the pros and cons, I think you\'re one who also wants to better themselves and their work.
ja ne
b-chan
schedule
April 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Im enjoying this story so far. Good job ^_^
Hmmm I just hope that nothing happens to Goku while hes stumbling around out there, drunk....alone *eerie music*
Hmmm I just hope that nothing happens to Goku while hes stumbling around out there, drunk....alone *eerie music*
schedule
April 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow is it just me or is goku getting really pissy.
schedule
April 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This gets more and more interesting. Goku is maturing quickly.
Vegeta will be in for quite a surprise when when Goku gets back to his dimention.
Keep it up.
Vegeta will be in for quite a surprise when when Goku gets back to his dimention.
Keep it up.
schedule
April 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
O.O A drunk Goku going out the door? AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. With those kinds of thoughts plauging him? Ah CRAP. I hope he doesn\'t stir up too much trouble.
Update SOON!!
Update SOON!!
schedule
April 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
::Grumbles::
I can\'t believe I have to come all the way over here and handle this. Anon, shut up. You made Chayron cry. Now, I don\'t know how many people I\'ve made cry, and I don\'t really give a damn. But this wasn\'t your business. I know Chrome well enough to promise that if she felt so inclined, she could have defended herself. Obviously, she didn\'t care. Things are cool with me and Chayron and if you fucking think that I\'m so God damn incapable of sticking up for myself, keep it up and I\'ll prove otherwise.
Awww, Serenity! Now I just feel like sending Vegeta\'s Mate a pile of roses! hahaha... I didn\'t feel offended by what you said or anything. You just stated what you felt and were pretty respectful about it. I appreciate that.
But Anon, you need to shut up. Seriously. I think it\'s cool that you would stick up for me and Chrome but it\'s not necessary and definitely not to the extent that you took it. One more thing out of you and I will track you down. I will find you, I will fucking bury you. hahaha..
ANYWAYS!! Now that that\'s handled, I\'m going back to sleep. Good night.
Camaro
I can\'t believe I have to come all the way over here and handle this. Anon, shut up. You made Chayron cry. Now, I don\'t know how many people I\'ve made cry, and I don\'t really give a damn. But this wasn\'t your business. I know Chrome well enough to promise that if she felt so inclined, she could have defended herself. Obviously, she didn\'t care. Things are cool with me and Chayron and if you fucking think that I\'m so God damn incapable of sticking up for myself, keep it up and I\'ll prove otherwise.
Awww, Serenity! Now I just feel like sending Vegeta\'s Mate a pile of roses! hahaha... I didn\'t feel offended by what you said or anything. You just stated what you felt and were pretty respectful about it. I appreciate that.
But Anon, you need to shut up. Seriously. I think it\'s cool that you would stick up for me and Chrome but it\'s not necessary and definitely not to the extent that you took it. One more thing out of you and I will track you down. I will find you, I will fucking bury you. hahaha..
ANYWAYS!! Now that that\'s handled, I\'m going back to sleep. Good night.
Camaro
schedule
April 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I personally think that both Chrome, Camaro and Serenity are right. I don\'t care if things are alright between you and Camaro. You still shouldn\'t try and defend yourself to Chrome, she was just sticking up for a friend if you ask me. I don\'t know her and I don\'t know you but I would say that you have a hard time admitting when you\'re wrong. If you were really sorry, you would feel bad for what you\'d done and take all the reprecussions that come with that. But you\'re not. You\'re still going after people who were just trying to protect a friend. Wouldn\'t you have done the same? No you probably wouldn\'t have. You don\'t seem like the type. But I don\'t think you\'re sorry at all. Your apology to everyone seems rude. You\'ll probably leave a mean message for me next time. I don\'t care. I didn\'t leave my email address because I don\'t think it\'s necessary to be sending rude emails to people over their opinions. But this is my opinion and that is that you need to stop pretending to be sorry if you\'re not. I don\'t think you would have responded to anyone but Camaro the way you did. You were harsh and rude and it was so unnecessary that it made my blood boil. Like Serenity says you need to stop worrying about who said it and worry about what they said. As far as Chrome is concerned, she was just as justified as anyone. She saw an injustice had been done, felt that something needed to be said, and said it. If you were sorry, you would have just taken it as punishment for your mistake. If you ask me, you\'re only sorry because you\'re afraid of what Camaro will do to you or something of that nature. Or what her friends will do. You can write in your stupid story about me if you want. That I don\'t mind my business, that I\'m a coward for not leaving my email address or whatever you want to. But I don\'t care. You\'re beneath everyone if you can\'t admit when you were wrong and take what comes with that. You say you don\'t take orders, well fine, here is a request. If you\'re really sorry, be really sorry. But if you\'re just afraid and brown nosing then forget it. Chances are everyone will see through it anyways. You just strike me as a rude prideful person with no back up. You talk big but I\'ll bet you\'re just afraid. And your story is stupid. I only skimmed over it because of the reviews I\'d seen. I don\'t think people who don\'t know english should write in it or at least not try and attack people who do speak it and accuse them of thing. Just a thought.