rate_review Reviews

well well...ask and ye shall receive...*snerks*

felt kind of short, but again I spent hours reading the previous chapters so it\'s probably just me...

sent you a much longer discussion via email...

more dammit!

This chapter was adorable. The rasis, the talking, the swimming and the rain. I loved it.

Thanks for updating so quickly!

Mwuahahahahhaha, Kamala has an evil plan. *smirks* And he is pulling it off also. I am glad he had a chance to instill some thinking processes into Goku\'s head. If you fight with your wife all the time, are you happy?

Kamala certainly didn\'t waste anytime getting his plan in motion with Vegeta, now did he? hehe

I had a good chuckle at the end of the chapter when Vegeta said, \"I said the bread is good,\" and stuffed another piece in his mouth the keep himself quiet.

LOL... Oh, that was good.

wow its alredy starting to work.

Kamala sure is a good manipulator.....too good. *wonders why he\'s so eager to go to Earth*

MUCH BETTER! Keep up that level of work, that was the BEST chapter I think you\'ve had! I didn\'t want it to end! Oh...and I wasn\'t complaining, if I came off as complaining earlier, I\'m sorry. Just trying to help! Cause you\'ve got skill, mad skill! Update soon!

Well, well...the plot thickens....!

Poor Goku~all alone and in pain. And to make it worse, he insulted the only friend he could have at the moment...poor Vedeno...poor Lami!

Mission impossible...wife who? what wife?

That Kamala is some operator...he used Goku\'s body and instincts against him...

Mission accomplished....Goku wants Vegeta!

Now if he can just do something about that damned heat!

~~he can\'t get no-o satisfaction, he can\'t get no-o steady action...and he tries, and he tries, and he tries, and he tries! he caint get no, no, no, no! ~~

Heat and hormones!?

Luv it! Great story!!

Thank you Chayron, for yet another wonderful story...love your fics!

This entire story is awesome! I like how the nature of Saiyan life is being described in detail - it really adds to the story and I like that. It makes it so much more realistic! Keep it up! PLEASE!!! XD

nice chapter its about time goku choose.

I love the story, but there is a nagging problem you have with writing. You repeat information OVER and OVER and OVER again, you drive the facts into the ground until they are old and worn. In other words, we KNOW how kamala acts, we KNOW how Vegeta acts...We KNOW how Vegeta feels for Goku, you don\'t need to keep telling us, it slows the progress of the story, bores the crap out of the readers, and makes the story amorphous. Try instead, showing character through action, and keep things fresh by NEVER repeating things that happened in the past chapters, unless it is brought up in conversation. You can also show a lot about a person’s intentions by body language and speech. For example—You could have shown Vegeta’s interest in Goku by having the prince try to spend more time with the other before the man’s heat struck. Then you could show Vegeta’s growing interest by having the Prince avoid Goku surreptitiously after the heat sets in. Then whenever Vegeta HAPPENS to meet Goku, say in the halls or what not, you can underline the fact that Vegeta likes Goku by having Vegeta become a space case when he smells Goku’s scent. This is just a suggestion, if you had written the story like this, you would have cut your latest chapter in HALF…and your plot could have a lot closer towards the final solution. (Really, the incident with kamala in the hall, THAT was the only real plot the chapter had! That, and the accident with that snake like creature. Everything else was unnecessary!) Do you understand? I hope you do, you’ve great potential. Can’t wait to read your next chapter!