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July 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*cheers wildly* YEAH!!!!! an update!!!!! Taken you long enough just to get to a little Goku staring @ getas ass... closer to a lemon. Wait, there is going to be a lemon, right? I think i will x_x if there\'s not....
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June 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I luv this story I\'ve been waiting for the update for this for a long time. I can\'t wait to see what happens.
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June 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I have absolutely no clue to where this fic is going........but that\'s a good thing because it\'s so unpredictable! please update soon! I haven\'t seen your work in a while and I miss it!
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May 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Review please. I like this kind of story.
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May 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ahm....first thing I need to know is, is english your second language? if so, the myriad mistakes can be forgiven to some degree, though in either case you are badly in need of a beta reader. at least use spell-check. I find most everyone out of character in this, or very shallowly in-character. with AU this is sometimes unavoidable, but I do think you could do better in your characterizations. you need to stop jumping from first person to third, and your chapters are choppy and the timing is confusing.
I\'m not sure if you\'re still a member at saiya-jin secrets list, but if you are I am sure you can find someone there willing to be of help to you. the plot is moving fairly slowly, but that may be my perception since the chapters are short. don\'t cut your chapters off simply because you are fond of cliffhangers, a real cliff is inherent in the story and cannot be forced.
keep working at it, your concepts are promising but in need of work.
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May 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Even thinking this is an awesome piece of fic, this time I won’t greadilly holler ‘update’. ~_~
*stomping bubbly greadyness to the ground*
Just take it easy... and get well!! ^_^
*stomping bubbly greadyness to the ground*
Just take it easy... and get well!! ^_^
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May 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*thrilled*
Go on! GO ON!! ^O^
Go on! GO ON!! ^O^
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May 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You have Goku\'s personality exactly right! Him and Vegeta would make a cute couple! Has Frieza found out that they are gone yet?
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May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
O_O OMFG HOW COULD YOU LEAVE IT THERE SHIT ME FLAT
YEs i love it do i want more??? HELL YES I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I
^_^ please update soon I love you
YEs i love it do i want more??? HELL YES I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I
^_^ please update soon I love you
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May 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
VEGETA and GOKU finally MEET!!! ^ ^
Excellent!! Mild plot for this one chapter but it fits smoothly in the story. It doesn’t sit well to be overly antsy while writing; a certain measure between intense/light scenes is always a must and highly appreciated –at least in my humble opinion... And the actual meeting of the saiyans was plausible enough. I particularly like the fact that Goku is portrayed as naïve/innocent and cheerful but capable of serious reasoning, and not the utter dumb/mindless creature many fics set about deriding.
Oh! Nice touch... the pink ‘BAD MAN’ shirt. *cackles*
Weeeeell, that said... I’ll be waiting for the next UPDATE!! ~_^
^-^
Excellent!! Mild plot for this one chapter but it fits smoothly in the story. It doesn’t sit well to be overly antsy while writing; a certain measure between intense/light scenes is always a must and highly appreciated –at least in my humble opinion... And the actual meeting of the saiyans was plausible enough. I particularly like the fact that Goku is portrayed as naïve/innocent and cheerful but capable of serious reasoning, and not the utter dumb/mindless creature many fics set about deriding.
Oh! Nice touch... the pink ‘BAD MAN’ shirt. *cackles*
Weeeeell, that said... I’ll be waiting for the next UPDATE!! ~_^
^-^