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May 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Huh? Wait - where did the \'next\' button go? I think there is an error somewhere because i CANT get to the next chapter :P
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
schedule
May 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow. It\'s a great story so far. Please continue soon!
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May 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I can\'t wait for the next chapter to be up xxx Poor duo, caught between two randy men! xxx /\\_/\\
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April 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
poor duo xxx /\\_/\\ hope you get the next chapter up soon!
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April 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ooh, nice and torturous! It\'s making me wonder what will happen when \"Shinigami\" comes out to play. I mean wouldn\'t the god of death have something to do with \"le petite morte\"? Gotta love those french play on words. The little death, so apropos. Enough with the obscure words, I love the story and I\'m dying to see more!
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April 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YAY! *claps* I have fallen in love with your story! Its so good! ENCORE!
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April 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is an excellent story! Please continue updating! I can\'t wait for the next chapter.....XD
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April 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awwwwwwwwwww!! Poor Duo!
As bad as I feel for him, though...I can\'t wait to see the next chapter! PLEASE update soon!
Oh...thanks for the image of Relena in pink leather...*feels slightly ill* The idea of Heero in a G-string, though....*snickers*
Keep up the good work!
**Zeph**
As bad as I feel for him, though...I can\'t wait to see the next chapter! PLEASE update soon!
Oh...thanks for the image of Relena in pink leather...*feels slightly ill* The idea of Heero in a G-string, though....*snickers*
Keep up the good work!
**Zeph**
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i like the story alot please need more
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Nice and intresting story you\'ve got going here. my only pointer to you, as a writer, is to try and make it clearer who\'s doing what. in the last chapter (8) I\'m not sure if it was Heero who crawled or Zechs. You also need to work more on descriptions, like, what\'s the srroundings like? yes they are in a huge suite, is it cosy, bare, cold, warm, yellow? Many writers, wrongly (me too... when I started writing, it took years to get out of the habit) think that adescriptions slow things down and just writes the verbs. The things that happen. You\'re not bad, but you could get better.
Your grammar, punctionation and choice of words are pretty good. You control the language you use and thanks to the grammar and punctionation it\'s easy to read. The story flows, but sometimes a little too fast, again, use descriptions to tell what the characters see, feel, smell and hear. It\'ll make them seem more alive.
I like the way you used the rape to warrant Duo\'s reactions and thoughts about gay sex, it shows depth of character and that you know that history effects the future. Some writers forget about that. (like the story where the main character needed to break a window and suddenly remembered the hammer she\'d been carrying around all day. *shakes head*)
I hope you take this for what it is, a help to make you better, and not solely as criticism, I like your story a lot and I want to read more. Now! or even better Yesterday!
Your grammar, punctionation and choice of words are pretty good. You control the language you use and thanks to the grammar and punctionation it\'s easy to read. The story flows, but sometimes a little too fast, again, use descriptions to tell what the characters see, feel, smell and hear. It\'ll make them seem more alive.
I like the way you used the rape to warrant Duo\'s reactions and thoughts about gay sex, it shows depth of character and that you know that history effects the future. Some writers forget about that. (like the story where the main character needed to break a window and suddenly remembered the hammer she\'d been carrying around all day. *shakes head*)
I hope you take this for what it is, a help to make you better, and not solely as criticism, I like your story a lot and I want to read more. Now! or even better Yesterday!