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August 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Okay, before anything I would like to say I like your story. It's good and has a lot of potential. I am only on chapter 2, but I feel I must comment on this now.
My biggest pet peeve is Authors Notes (A/N). You should have enough confidence in yourself as a writer to not have to explain things mid story. Also, do not admit that you don't know something. BS it, or look it up. I write a lot too, although I don't have much posted and nothing on this site, but I put in hours of research. If I don't know how someone's name is spelled, I look it up. I spend hours reading bio's and getting to know characters who I only mention in passing. Serious fans read fanfiction and the WILL get pissed if you get something wrong. If this was a Harry Potter fic I would give you a million great sites to work off of. I don't do much work in FMA as a writer, but google is a powerful search engine -- you might have heard of it -- that can find almost anything on anything. Wikipedia is not always the best, so look for fan sites or actually WATCH THE ANIME OR READ THE MANGA. Subbed anime is the best because it will give you the full story, not the pg version on TV. Or even read others fanfiction with the characters that your working with as the central person. The first chapter is usually full of the original character attitude (later on it gets drastically changed, but that's what writing is right).
Basically what I'm saying is do your research and your writing will be that much better off because of it. It's sad when writing suffers because of obvious lack of knowledge. You have potential and I would love to see you go over this and rework the OOC parts.
Best of luck. I'm going to try and read more.
My biggest pet peeve is Authors Notes (A/N). You should have enough confidence in yourself as a writer to not have to explain things mid story. Also, do not admit that you don't know something. BS it, or look it up. I write a lot too, although I don't have much posted and nothing on this site, but I put in hours of research. If I don't know how someone's name is spelled, I look it up. I spend hours reading bio's and getting to know characters who I only mention in passing. Serious fans read fanfiction and the WILL get pissed if you get something wrong. If this was a Harry Potter fic I would give you a million great sites to work off of. I don't do much work in FMA as a writer, but google is a powerful search engine -- you might have heard of it -- that can find almost anything on anything. Wikipedia is not always the best, so look for fan sites or actually WATCH THE ANIME OR READ THE MANGA. Subbed anime is the best because it will give you the full story, not the pg version on TV. Or even read others fanfiction with the characters that your working with as the central person. The first chapter is usually full of the original character attitude (later on it gets drastically changed, but that's what writing is right).
Basically what I'm saying is do your research and your writing will be that much better off because of it. It's sad when writing suffers because of obvious lack of knowledge. You have potential and I would love to see you go over this and rework the OOC parts.
Best of luck. I'm going to try and read more.
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September 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Damn it! Update already!
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August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey there! Are you planning on posting a new chapter anytime soon? It's a great history and I want to read it till the last chapter!
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December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey mija,
i beleive you reviewed my cruel angel fic from ff.net. i guess i'm not the only one who likes ed in white. Anyway, this fic totally rocks and i can't wait for you to continue. it's completely AWESOME. can't wait to read the rest. And Roy needs to give up cause from what i'm readin' ed's hittin' every curve he throws at him!
i beleive you reviewed my cruel angel fic from ff.net. i guess i'm not the only one who likes ed in white. Anyway, this fic totally rocks and i can't wait for you to continue. it's completely AWESOME. can't wait to read the rest. And Roy needs to give up cause from what i'm readin' ed's hittin' every curve he throws at him!
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November 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey there! I loved this chapter. It may be ooc for Roy to blackmail Ed, but it was very entertaining and a nice plot twist I haven\'t seen before. Can\'t wait to see how this \"deal\" turns out! ^_^
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November 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Loved it except for one part out of the whole fic..That one part in the story where that one guy/Havoc asked all tthose personal ? about Ed..That was soo disturbing..
Hope too see you update soon and hopefully the grammar is better..
Hope too see you update soon and hopefully the grammar is better..
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November 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
lol, as always I am now looking forward to your next, hilariously perfect update.
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November 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very good. Though I did skip the parts where Edward got laid. I\'m a big RoyxEd fan, so I don\'t like reading that they\'re with someone else. Lol. But yeah - definitely a great one, looking forward to the rest!
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November 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
awesome! hurry up with the next chapter! csnt wait to see roy/ed action! hehehehehe ^_^
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November 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
eh? there´s no more? I was reading this thing with so mcuh concentration that I was suprised when it ended. So pretty pretty please, write more soon!
The story goes so easily and I don\'t think it is too OOC. And even thoug I feel a it bad for Mustang, I really enjoy this \'new\' Ed. Awsome story, really. And the lemon is great too. I can\'t wait to get to the Roy x Ed lemon. so...MOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The story goes so easily and I don\'t think it is too OOC. And even thoug I feel a it bad for Mustang, I really enjoy this \'new\' Ed. Awsome story, really. And the lemon is great too. I can\'t wait to get to the Roy x Ed lemon. so...MOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!