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September 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Um, ok. ~stares blankly at the screen~ The \"No No Area\"? WTF is that? The ideas that you presented in the first two chapters were fantastic but now you put this chapter out and I honestly wonder if the same person wrote this one as did the last two. It was terrible! There was no attempts at grammer, no spell check, and no conscistancy what so ever! I am dissapointed.
What were you thinking? You can\'t jumble six or seven chapters worth of info in to one chapter and expect it to make sense. Try reading this chapter aloud and see if you can find th mistakes that your readers did.
P.S. From the feel of your writing I can guess that you aren\'t of age, if the mods find out that you are under 18 you will be banned and all of your work deleted.
Any comments you want to make regarding my review please feel free to e-mail me at goddess_serenity001@yahoo.com
What were you thinking? You can\'t jumble six or seven chapters worth of info in to one chapter and expect it to make sense. Try reading this chapter aloud and see if you can find th mistakes that your readers did.
P.S. From the feel of your writing I can guess that you aren\'t of age, if the mods find out that you are under 18 you will be banned and all of your work deleted.
Any comments you want to make regarding my review please feel free to e-mail me at goddess_serenity001@yahoo.com
schedule
September 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WTF was that?
Invest in a return key, so you can put in paragraph breaks. Use spell check. Remember that Goku is apparently blind, and that he can\'t see things like Vegeta waving a hand in front of his face. Explain why Gohan, who forgave his father for being voluntarily *dead*, can\'t get over him being blind.
Or go pick on someone else\'s fandom.
Invest in a return key, so you can put in paragraph breaks. Use spell check. Remember that Goku is apparently blind, and that he can\'t see things like Vegeta waving a hand in front of his face. Explain why Gohan, who forgave his father for being voluntarily *dead*, can\'t get over him being blind.
Or go pick on someone else\'s fandom.
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September 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! cancer NO!!!!!!! please write the nex chapter soon
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September 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
r u going to finish this story i want gohans butt kick the creep
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August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hoolly monkey you are twisted very intresting
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August 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
O_O; EEEWWWW!!!! Incest! ~blasts Gohan for being an unfeeling rapist, punctuates blasts with cries of outrage~ That little motherfucker....well fatherfucker....lol. ~clears throat~ Um, update? I really want to know what Vegeta does. A few misspelled words, grammer inconsistancies and what not but good all the same.
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August 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I always knew Gohan was a little bitch ass prick. Please let Goku get his sight back and kick the helll out of Gohan. What about the dragonballs on namek
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August 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
more soon please gohan ass must be kicked
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August 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Goku can sense ki...... so he would have a rough idea of where gohan or vegeta were, what they were doing, their moods, e.t.c
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August 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This story is one that i don\'t want to miss...seeing Goku in this situation...you are mak,ing the character like any normal person will react at this. I can\'t wait to see Vegeta\'s point of view on this...after all he caused this in some manner....