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by envychan

person Hotary
schedule December 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I treid to read it really I did, but it is rather difficult to read when there are absolutely no line or dialogue breaks. Get a Beta to break it up and check your Grammar and it could be a bit better. Work on giving detail as well. Good premise.
person Naomi
schedule December 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WWO! That was amazing...sooo (suspiciouse) You're going to maKE A CHAPIE 2 he...heheheh.....................No I'm jsut kidding I'll be waiting anxiouse for chapies 2.....That's cool fic there..hey just beteewn us what does "Cum" means? sorry tought I really don't know
person Anon
schedule December 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I LOVE IT!


MAKE MORE EDxWINRY AND WINRYxWRENCH AND WINRYxDEN!


I LOVE WINRY!


NOOOOOOOOOOO MOOOOORRRREEE ROY AND ED CRAP

THATS SO GAY(THROWS UP)
person The Mad Fan Girl
schedule August 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hm. Just a thought, but maybe seperating things out into paragraphs might make this more readable.

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