schedule
November 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Erm.. you could use a lot of work, dear. A whole lot. Do some research about the male body, how two males interact, and try writing something of better quality. Why did Roy just come out of nowhere? How was he able to open a locked stall from the outside? How did Hughes get in there too? This fic is so oddly plotted and oddly written that it's hard to follow. You could use a beta reader, a spell-checker, and a thesaurus. Those are the tools of my trade, and I recommend them to you.
Semen is sticky, you cannot become 'drenched' in it. Unless you have several, SEVERAL, men ejaculating on you at once.
Also, y'know, I know that teenage guys have hormones and all... but they can deal with it well enough to lead normal lives and not need to wank every 2 hours.
Semen is sticky, you cannot become 'drenched' in it. Unless you have several, SEVERAL, men ejaculating on you at once.
Also, y'know, I know that teenage guys have hormones and all... but they can deal with it well enough to lead normal lives and not need to wank every 2 hours.
schedule
October 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awesome.
schedule
September 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You could use alittle more, seeing as your fic is only about one half of a page... o.O;;
schedule
September 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i hate roy/ed but I just had to review to let you know that your summary and title for this story were hysterical! I loved them!! just great...