schedule
September 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Nice work. ;)
schedule
September 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Kinda rushed, good plot but...almost haphazzard I guess.
I did like it don\'t get me wrong, but I feel that things could have been a little more drawn out and better explained. Why did he decide to @#%$ Bulma? Did lust finally overpower him? Was it because he just felt like it? Was it erotic that she claimed to have had yummy dreams about him that set him off? Did she really want it, or was that borderline rape? First she was afraid, then she was tearing into him like a woman possessed! I understand that passion can turn even the most level headed person in to a virtual sex-kitten but going from \'I-am-about-to-die\' kind of fear to \'I\'m-going-to-boink-his-brains-out\' is a bit of a stretch.
You might think about re-vamping this to give more detail. No, I am not asking for an extended lemon. I would like to know what was going on in his head as well as where all the passion came from.
Please don\'t be offended, I did really like it.
V.M.
I did like it don\'t get me wrong, but I feel that things could have been a little more drawn out and better explained. Why did he decide to @#%$ Bulma? Did lust finally overpower him? Was it because he just felt like it? Was it erotic that she claimed to have had yummy dreams about him that set him off? Did she really want it, or was that borderline rape? First she was afraid, then she was tearing into him like a woman possessed! I understand that passion can turn even the most level headed person in to a virtual sex-kitten but going from \'I-am-about-to-die\' kind of fear to \'I\'m-going-to-boink-his-brains-out\' is a bit of a stretch.
You might think about re-vamping this to give more detail. No, I am not asking for an extended lemon. I would like to know what was going on in his head as well as where all the passion came from.
Please don\'t be offended, I did really like it.
V.M.