schedule
May 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
December 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i have no clue who it is, but ne way nice story. hope you could update soon.
schedule
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
you have some grammer mistakes in your story but other then that it\'s good
wouldn\'t it suck if Pan was pregnant with Trunks child?
wouldn\'t it suck if Pan was pregnant with Trunks child?
schedule
November 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Okay... to start with this plot line has a LOT of potential. I am NOT a Trunks/Pan fan... but this story could really go places. There are many emotions to be discribed and so many loop holes that could be discovered. BUT..... (and this is going to be the difficult and critizising part (sorry about my spelling... this is why I have a beta for my stories 99% of the time.)
You need help with the grammar... If I can see it... it\'s bad. The thought that kept going through my head is, \"The author is in too much of a hurray to get the story posted.\" Slow down... get a beta reader, this will add so much to your story. Great stories take time... Lots and LOTS of time. (Pixelgoddess, Camaro, Card... etc.)
I like the fact this story starts out when Pan is of age. Makes it much easier to believe. I watched GT... and I have such a difficult time believing in these two getting together when she is so young (not to mention whiney.)
I see a side plot with Bra/Goten.... I wonder how much of a background this will play in your story.
Please do not let my comments stop you from writing this. Like I mentioned before, this plot has potential. (I see much angst and tissues in the works.) But PLEASE find someone to beta for you. (Please, anyone out there that have the skills I do not offer a hand for this story.)
I am going to rate this as a three star... but with a beta and a little fixing it\'s going to be a five.
Keep your chin up and your sights HIGH.
You need help with the grammar... If I can see it... it\'s bad. The thought that kept going through my head is, \"The author is in too much of a hurray to get the story posted.\" Slow down... get a beta reader, this will add so much to your story. Great stories take time... Lots and LOTS of time. (Pixelgoddess, Camaro, Card... etc.)
I like the fact this story starts out when Pan is of age. Makes it much easier to believe. I watched GT... and I have such a difficult time believing in these two getting together when she is so young (not to mention whiney.)
I see a side plot with Bra/Goten.... I wonder how much of a background this will play in your story.
Please do not let my comments stop you from writing this. Like I mentioned before, this plot has potential. (I see much angst and tissues in the works.) But PLEASE find someone to beta for you. (Please, anyone out there that have the skills I do not offer a hand for this story.)
I am going to rate this as a three star... but with a beta and a little fixing it\'s going to be a five.
Keep your chin up and your sights HIGH.