AFF Fiction Portal
GroupsMembersexpand_more
person_addRegisterexpand_more

rate_review Reviews

for Torn

by Lyokofreasion

person MildredCurdle
schedule December 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting, I'm not so sure of your structure, or you paragrphs, but the premise sounds interesting.
With a good beta, you'd have a nice story on your hands.

Good luck,
Millie
person Little Bitch
schedule December 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ok my first suggestion would be to please seperate your story into paragraphs. Its very hard on the eyes when its just one big block.
person anz
schedule December 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please divide the long run-on sentence column into paragraphs...

good premise, but now i have a splitting headache...

people take the time to read ... so please show a little more effort and break this up into paragraphs.

Person's will appreciate it and reward you with decent reviews...

Age Verification Required

This website contains adult content. You must be 18 years or older to access this site.

Are you 18 years of age or older?