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August 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
How do you do it? Just how do you do it? I had my hands to my mouth in terror the whole time! Haha, really this chapter is terrifying. I can tell the words and images were just flowing as you typed this. The descriptions, the emotion, the pure...horror was amazing! I am so inspired to go write my own chapter of terror right now from reading this! I LOVE IT! So...yes...great stuff!
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August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
CHPT 4 - Another fabulously written and thought provoking chatper I must say. One thing I always loved about your stories is that you can so dramatically change the world the characters are in, while still keeping their personalities and bizarre circumstances somehow gounded in reality. It's really a gift how you manage to juggle all the insane, gruesome, or angsty happenings in the story, but still take the time to really and truly delve into and psycho-analyze the minds of all major and not so major characters. All while still keeping the dialogue and prose "fresh" and interesting. My hat (if I wore hats) is really off to you in this chappie! *off to read next one*
-Rena "bee" sama
-Rena "bee" sama
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August 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Woo! It's me finally. (chainsawgames on AIM) I just discovered aff was working the other day and I'm finally able to read this again. Anyhow, I'm certainly enjoying myself. I do have a few qualms about the rather volumous amount of... *thinking* Goku is doing. Not that he *is* thinking, but it's a lot of... I hate to say it, rambling. I was starting to lose interest and ended up just scrolling through a bunch of it. Sorry, but I'm not very good with lot's of introspection in stories. I like the action, and fortunatly, there's also quite a bit of that. I think I am suggesting you try to focus more on what's happening than what's in Goku's head. It *is* interesting, and I saw a number of really insightful things being said, but I can only take so much of it. I know from personal experience how easy it is to get caught up getting into a character's head, but I still can't help wishing it was more condensed. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to finally getting to see Vegeta again, but I'm also wondering what happened to the 'real' Vegeta. Did they combine? Is he in hell? What happened to him...? And whoever else was with him... Was it Zarbon? I can't remember. Anyway, just wondering where they went, and looking forward to the next chapter or fifty. =P
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August 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
AAHHH...I loved this chapter so much...and now I'm terrified, haha. You say I'm good at horror? YOU are! Wow, I'm all by myself here and freakin out after this chapter! Ok...now that my terror is know, on with the great writing.
"I will say though, I was almost thankful for it, gazing around dismally at the scene, at the bloodied, circular stains of fingerprints on widow glass, at pieces of skin still wiggling in the wind, dangling from the walls where brains were liquefied from force. Jagged, torn strips of flesh blew like pieces of forgotten confetti at a child's birthday party, so at home in the mass horror of their surroundings, drifting this way and that as though they had every right to do so, no contrast with the world they inhabited."
Great imagery here. Being a fan of detailed horror myself..hee hee, I really liked this scene and the pure gross gore in it. Great great.
I enjoyed your paragraph before this chapter. You use a program that uses no spell-check? Well, I am impressed because I see very few errors in this story, as well as your other stories, too! I thought that Goku's views on Religion and Science was very interesting and well-worded. In the end, those who abuse others over beliefs or ideas truly are weaker and ignorant. I liked those paragraphs. Let's see...I wrote down the things I really liked in this chapter. Ah...Trunks is Sid Phillips..you know, from Toy Story. He's the creepy kid who mutilates toys and destroys everything around him. And yes, as Goku says, that drawing of Vegeta on the wall IS horrifying! The kid is just scary...and that scene scared me, too. Which is good! The details and descriptions of Vegeta's decaying body being alive is very haunting. I could totally see this scene being in a movie and giving people nightmares for weeks...so, good job at that. So, yes, I loved this chapter and it makes me very excited for future events!
"I will say though, I was almost thankful for it, gazing around dismally at the scene, at the bloodied, circular stains of fingerprints on widow glass, at pieces of skin still wiggling in the wind, dangling from the walls where brains were liquefied from force. Jagged, torn strips of flesh blew like pieces of forgotten confetti at a child's birthday party, so at home in the mass horror of their surroundings, drifting this way and that as though they had every right to do so, no contrast with the world they inhabited."
Great imagery here. Being a fan of detailed horror myself..hee hee, I really liked this scene and the pure gross gore in it. Great great.
I enjoyed your paragraph before this chapter. You use a program that uses no spell-check? Well, I am impressed because I see very few errors in this story, as well as your other stories, too! I thought that Goku's views on Religion and Science was very interesting and well-worded. In the end, those who abuse others over beliefs or ideas truly are weaker and ignorant. I liked those paragraphs. Let's see...I wrote down the things I really liked in this chapter. Ah...Trunks is Sid Phillips..you know, from Toy Story. He's the creepy kid who mutilates toys and destroys everything around him. And yes, as Goku says, that drawing of Vegeta on the wall IS horrifying! The kid is just scary...and that scene scared me, too. Which is good! The details and descriptions of Vegeta's decaying body being alive is very haunting. I could totally see this scene being in a movie and giving people nightmares for weeks...so, good job at that. So, yes, I loved this chapter and it makes me very excited for future events!
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August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Thanks Camaro. That was awesome. I love the feeling of restlessness throughout all the chapters I've read so far. A kind of foreboding like the foggy, uneventful parts of a horror videogame when you expect there to be monsters, and there are none...yet. I've grown so accustomed to the cynical, skeptical, lustful, world-weary Goku you created that he is like a real person I want to hold conversations with.
Most stories seem to be so focused on plot that all segments of the story have some kind of important function for the development of the plot. But I appreciate that for all the outrageous things that you write, you don't stick to that strict framework. Goku's thoughts about religion and science and his observations about human psychology in general are one of my favorite things about the Monster series.
I also had to smirk at those paragraphs you wrote about Goku's fantasies about Yamcha; were you just teasing those people who only care about the sex scenes? It's nice to know Goku has self-control left anyway.
I look forward to the reunion of father and son, Camaro-style. At least I have the assurance that you have a high distaste for incest. :) had to say that
Take care comrade
Ann
Most stories seem to be so focused on plot that all segments of the story have some kind of important function for the development of the plot. But I appreciate that for all the outrageous things that you write, you don't stick to that strict framework. Goku's thoughts about religion and science and his observations about human psychology in general are one of my favorite things about the Monster series.
I also had to smirk at those paragraphs you wrote about Goku's fantasies about Yamcha; were you just teasing those people who only care about the sex scenes? It's nice to know Goku has self-control left anyway.
I look forward to the reunion of father and son, Camaro-style. At least I have the assurance that you have a high distaste for incest. :) had to say that
Take care comrade
Ann
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July 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
To Lola: *pointedly looks the other way*
To Camaro: You’re very welcome :)
And now, onto the review.
“Jagged, torn strips of flesh blew like pieces of forgotten graffiti at a child's birthday party...”
Interesting phrase, but I think you meant confetti (LOL).
Hmmm... so Yamcha knows Goku’s secret huh? Goku really shows (or thinks about showing) a little of his naughty side here and I love it!
“And then it dawned on me that both science and logic, and religious beliefs, in themselves, where ultimately, crippling blind faiths when you came down to it.”
Exactly! Why do we have to choose to solely believe in one or the other, or either of them? Whatever happened to thinking outside of the box and keeping an open mind? See, it’s for reasons like this that I truly love your stories and that makes them unique. Each chapter makes me rethink something about myself and I enjoy that.
Now, how does Trunks know that ‘Vegeta’ is from Goku’s dreams? And if so, why can’t Trunks ever see his face? I can’t help but think that’s significant somehow...
*sigh* Of course the government would keep a body that was potentially the cause of ‘SIN’ if it was essentially dead except for the brain activity... idiots. I mean, the man is literally coming back to life, albeit very slowly, and they think it’s something to celebrate, with maximum security around to protect them. *shakes head*
Another great chapter, and I think I might have gotten my question answered about who that third “M” was. Of course, I wouldn’t put it past you to change that :P Later!
To Camaro: You’re very welcome :)
And now, onto the review.
“Jagged, torn strips of flesh blew like pieces of forgotten graffiti at a child's birthday party...”
Interesting phrase, but I think you meant confetti (LOL).
Hmmm... so Yamcha knows Goku’s secret huh? Goku really shows (or thinks about showing) a little of his naughty side here and I love it!
“And then it dawned on me that both science and logic, and religious beliefs, in themselves, where ultimately, crippling blind faiths when you came down to it.”
Exactly! Why do we have to choose to solely believe in one or the other, or either of them? Whatever happened to thinking outside of the box and keeping an open mind? See, it’s for reasons like this that I truly love your stories and that makes them unique. Each chapter makes me rethink something about myself and I enjoy that.
Now, how does Trunks know that ‘Vegeta’ is from Goku’s dreams? And if so, why can’t Trunks ever see his face? I can’t help but think that’s significant somehow...
*sigh* Of course the government would keep a body that was potentially the cause of ‘SIN’ if it was essentially dead except for the brain activity... idiots. I mean, the man is literally coming back to life, albeit very slowly, and they think it’s something to celebrate, with maximum security around to protect them. *shakes head*
Another great chapter, and I think I might have gotten my question answered about who that third “M” was. Of course, I wouldn’t put it past you to change that :P Later!
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
To Lola:
Even though I know that Camaro can take care of herself, I'm responding to your review because it pissed ME off. How about you practice what you preach and stick to small words huh? Also, if you think Camaro should pay more attention to spelling and/or grammar, you could just say so nicely instead of being a bitch. As for her focusing on religion and it not having any impact, I suggest you go back and read all of the reviews for her stories and you'll see that your opinion is very much in the minority. You know, it's not even the fact that you apparently don't like her stories that got me riled up. After all, I believe that's your choice. However, to completely rip her writing style apart and debase it like that was uncalled for. Decorum goes a long way in life, a lot more than being rude at any rate.
~Kat
Even though I know that Camaro can take care of herself, I'm responding to your review because it pissed ME off. How about you practice what you preach and stick to small words huh? Also, if you think Camaro should pay more attention to spelling and/or grammar, you could just say so nicely instead of being a bitch. As for her focusing on religion and it not having any impact, I suggest you go back and read all of the reviews for her stories and you'll see that your opinion is very much in the minority. You know, it's not even the fact that you apparently don't like her stories that got me riled up. After all, I believe that's your choice. However, to completely rip her writing style apart and debase it like that was uncalled for. Decorum goes a long way in life, a lot more than being rude at any rate.
~Kat
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
*swoons* Finally, my dear! A new chapter, and what a great chapter it is. I had to grab a glass of sweet tea and sit back for this one because I had criticism and praise alike to give! First, I love the way you've set up Goku's mentality. He's considerably darker and much more experienced which is something I adore in this fiction so far. He's been through so much, and it would suck monkey nuts if he were all bright and chipper.
Maybe there was no real fate at all and despite the probable paternal blood flowing through his veins, Trunks would grow to be considerably normal. And also, maybe I saw a lot of things I wanted to see.
What a great statement. Don't we always see what we want to see? Philisophically, there's a difference between truth and fact. This, I'm sure you know. Truth is always set through the eyes of the beholder, and fact is exactly what happened, with no observation included. Deciphering between the two is always hard, and I get the feeling that it's especially difficult for beautiful Goku.
Medical science will never understand the effects of something supernatural.
Ain't that the motherfucking truth!?! Don't you hate it when people claim insanity so many times in court and they let go each and every single time. People just say nutcases are fucked in the head...that's it's a mental imbalance. I think differently. ^_^ Great line.
"No." He said suddenly, catching me off guard. "You're a hero. You're always a hero."
He slowly lifted a hand to cup my face, the flesh of his palm cold against my cheek.
"Never a bad man." He whispered.
God, do your wonderous moments of "Jesus, that's powerful" never cease? Those couple of lines really got to me for some reason, and I don't know why. I love it. How he's done all this shit to fuck up his relationship with ChiChi and Gohan...how his mother is dead...and how he's locked up in a looney bin, and he STILL loves his father. Fucking awesome.
"I want to wake up," He said suddenly, almost cutting me off. I sat up, staring at him in shock. "I want to be real."
How many times have I told myself that? Do you ever tell yourself that when you get up in the morning and look in the mirror? Do you ever wonder if anything around you is real or if you're just locked up in some crazy fucking hospital, screaming your heart out to padded walls? I dunno. I question reality a lot lately. A lot!
Does childhood abuse define a person?
Maybe.
Absolutely...if they let it.
It was the worst when I would see him in the faces of others, or hear even the slightest accent in someone’s voice that reminded me of his. Because then, the loneliness and the acceptance was irrefutable.
I could write paragraphs on this, but I have to say something. This one line was like a direct hit to my gut. I always cling to my past, wandering 'what if' or 'how did i' and yet, I never seem to be able to move on because someone will remind me of him or let me see him in their eyes. Puh. I'll get over the bastard soon enough.
Anyways, great chappy. And guess what... I'm writing again. ^_^ Miss ya, hon.
Maybe there was no real fate at all and despite the probable paternal blood flowing through his veins, Trunks would grow to be considerably normal. And also, maybe I saw a lot of things I wanted to see.
What a great statement. Don't we always see what we want to see? Philisophically, there's a difference between truth and fact. This, I'm sure you know. Truth is always set through the eyes of the beholder, and fact is exactly what happened, with no observation included. Deciphering between the two is always hard, and I get the feeling that it's especially difficult for beautiful Goku.
Medical science will never understand the effects of something supernatural.
Ain't that the motherfucking truth!?! Don't you hate it when people claim insanity so many times in court and they let go each and every single time. People just say nutcases are fucked in the head...that's it's a mental imbalance. I think differently. ^_^ Great line.
"No." He said suddenly, catching me off guard. "You're a hero. You're always a hero."
He slowly lifted a hand to cup my face, the flesh of his palm cold against my cheek.
"Never a bad man." He whispered.
God, do your wonderous moments of "Jesus, that's powerful" never cease? Those couple of lines really got to me for some reason, and I don't know why. I love it. How he's done all this shit to fuck up his relationship with ChiChi and Gohan...how his mother is dead...and how he's locked up in a looney bin, and he STILL loves his father. Fucking awesome.
"I want to wake up," He said suddenly, almost cutting me off. I sat up, staring at him in shock. "I want to be real."
How many times have I told myself that? Do you ever tell yourself that when you get up in the morning and look in the mirror? Do you ever wonder if anything around you is real or if you're just locked up in some crazy fucking hospital, screaming your heart out to padded walls? I dunno. I question reality a lot lately. A lot!
Does childhood abuse define a person?
Maybe.
Absolutely...if they let it.
It was the worst when I would see him in the faces of others, or hear even the slightest accent in someone’s voice that reminded me of his. Because then, the loneliness and the acceptance was irrefutable.
I could write paragraphs on this, but I have to say something. This one line was like a direct hit to my gut. I always cling to my past, wandering 'what if' or 'how did i' and yet, I never seem to be able to move on because someone will remind me of him or let me see him in their eyes. Puh. I'll get over the bastard soon enough.
Anyways, great chappy. And guess what... I'm writing again. ^_^ Miss ya, hon.
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Lola, obviously you don't know talent when you see it. Forced talent isn't something that Camaro sports, and nor will she ever!
You are the most stuck up, ignorant, jacked up bitch on this site for reviewing a masterpiece like this without understanding the underlying meanings to what she's saying. You can't even pick apart a sentence and take a little worth for yourself.
That's what her fictions are for. For you to interpret and take something out of them for yourself. But you wouldn't understand that.
I guess philisophical meaning in life is lost on you.
So fuck off and let the adults talk.
You are the most stuck up, ignorant, jacked up bitch on this site for reviewing a masterpiece like this without understanding the underlying meanings to what she's saying. You can't even pick apart a sentence and take a little worth for yourself.
That's what her fictions are for. For you to interpret and take something out of them for yourself. But you wouldn't understand that.
I guess philisophical meaning in life is lost on you.
So fuck off and let the adults talk.
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
To kat and Bruces girl and everyboby else who had something to say to my first review:
It seems that you haven't understood anything. I don't 'stick into small words', I enjoy reading a work beautifully written, when the language is used in an intelligent way to make the story flows naturally. You should read more the great genious of literature to understand my point. But I'm against of such abuse in a pretentious author. This is my opinion, I think I've got the same right to express it as anyone of you.
And about the ideas, if you think that this is so original and profound, well I think that is great that you read fanfiction, I use to do it but just as an entertainment, most of the times it can't be taken seriously, again my advice is that you should read
too the work of great authors and philosophers, if not this polemic is pointless. And you shouldn't take so bad other's people opinions just because they don't like the same things that you like, it's good that there are different points of view, this way the world is a place more interesting.
It seems that you haven't understood anything. I don't 'stick into small words', I enjoy reading a work beautifully written, when the language is used in an intelligent way to make the story flows naturally. You should read more the great genious of literature to understand my point. But I'm against of such abuse in a pretentious author. This is my opinion, I think I've got the same right to express it as anyone of you.
And about the ideas, if you think that this is so original and profound, well I think that is great that you read fanfiction, I use to do it but just as an entertainment, most of the times it can't be taken seriously, again my advice is that you should read
too the work of great authors and philosophers, if not this polemic is pointless. And you shouldn't take so bad other's people opinions just because they don't like the same things that you like, it's good that there are different points of view, this way the world is a place more interesting.