rate_review Reviews

Dear Lola,


If you are looking for more originality in fanfiction, why don’t you post your own stories?

The DBZ fandom could really use the boost generated by creative competition.

Sincerely,


Macha

Oh...no, no, no Goku. Don't do that with Yamcha...You can't be that desperate, can you? And if the Devil is coming back with revenge on his mind, how much worse will it be if he founds out you've been playing the harlot? Especially if he is making this return trip just for you?

Yikes...Trunks has a little TOO much insight when it comes to 'Vegeta' and Goku. I do have to wonder how all that information is being passed onto him. It's creepy to think about.


Scientists...they can be so stupid at times. Why, oh WHY would you keep a body that should be decaying for over two years? Let alone, three or four? Wouldn't someone find it unnatural enough to want to destroy it? Haven't they ever heard the line 'curiosity killed the cat'? Ah, well, they have all just acheived the Darwin Award.

Excellent chapter Camaro!

I met her in a club down in old Soho
where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Cherry Cola
C-O-L-A Cola.
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Lola"
L-O-L-A Lola, lo lo lo Lola
Well, I'm not the world's most physical guy,
but when she squeesed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola, lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola
Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
Oh my Lola, lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola
Well, we drank champagne and danced all night,
under electric candlelight,
she picked me up and sat me on her knee,
She said, "Little boy won't you come home with me?"
Well, I'm not the world's most passionate guy,
but when I looked in her eyes,
I almost fell for my Lola,
Lo lo lo Lola, lo lo lo Lola
I pushed her away. I walked to the door.
I fell to the floor. I got down on my knees.
I looked at her, and she at me.
Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
I always want it to be that way for my Lola.
Lo lo lo Lola.
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
except for Lola. Lo lo lo Lola. Lo lo lo Lola.
Well I left home just a week ago,
and I never ever kissed a woman before,
Lola smiled and took me by the hand,
she said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man."
Well I'm not the world's most masculine man,
but I know what I am and that I'm a man,
so is Lola.
Lo lo lo Lola. Lo lo lo Lola

*shivers* Oh, the idea of Goku and Yamcha... Girl, you sure know how to turn on your readers. It seems to me that Goku has repressed a lot of his sexuality, and I'm almost afraid that he could take it out on Yamcha and either end up hurting him or killing him, one.

Dun Dun Dun...HE LIVES. Fucking bastard. Boy, you really know how to make a girl love and hate a bad guy all at the same time. I can't wait for him to take Goku on his wild ride. ^_^

Great chappy, love.

You're writing flows evenly and is beautifully poetic. I can't wait till you finfish this story, I really like it, and you're ideas for everything. I think you do a wonderful job, keep it up!!

You seem to always write Gohan as being unstable. It’s not that I think there’s anything wrong with that; I just thought it was interesting to note.

“I want to wake up," He said suddenly, almost cutting me off. I sat up, staring at him in shock. "I want to be real.”

*sniff* That just about made me cry. How sad, how really fucking sad. *sniff*

Ooooo... Satan's coming back is he? Now, the only question is how...

Oh, and I just noticed today that in your description of Monster 2 you have M/M/M. I'm dying to find out who that third "M" is in there. I'm pretty sure I know who the other two are (:P), but that third one eludes me, although I do have three guesses. I suppose I'll just have to be surprised when it comes up.

I also loved the Goku/Gohan interactions in this chapter. I just don't know who to feel more sorry for. I mean, I would say Gohan because I can't stand the thought of not being aware of my past and present, but then I feel sorry for Goku because "ignorance is bliss" and all that.

Hmmm... this review was longer than I thought it would be, although it's not nearly as long as some of mine have been. Now that the plot seems to be picking up I can't wait to read the next chapter!! Later :)

Oh how exciting! I loved this chapter! The writing was beautiful and I was entranced the whole time. I loved the paragraph on Critics and how everyone has them. I loved the explanation on the questions to God and why he must have left humans on their own. I loved Goku's thoughts on himself! I just adored everything in this chapter and the ending got me. I am very anxious to see what is happening...soon. :) Great stuff!

This is the most pretentious and pedantic thing I've ever read.
You seem to put such great effort in marveling everybody with your so-called talent that all seems false, forced. It isn't credible. You seem to think that if you use many great words together everybody will worship your infinite wisdom. But the real talent consist to express things with naturality, the words and ideas must sound true, authentic. An advice, if you want to use such grandiloquent words learn to spell them before or use a dictionary, and use them when they're really needed.(Maybe you could correct some of them: Hallucination not hullucination, monstrosity not monstrocity, solely not soully, semen not seamen).
And this obsession with religion is just pointless, if you think that they give to your story a deep meaning or that they are profound philosophical reflections, well these ideas are just commonplace and denote lack of originality.
And the idea of Goku seeing a psychiatrist, absurd. Ah, wait...is it that you're planning a serie with every character of DBZ being psychoanalized, you already did one with Vegeta. Haven't you got any other idea to based your stories on?

Wow...this chapter was great. And it was scary, too! I was freakin out at the end when Trunks was drawing all those pictures...ah! Well, I must say that I adored this line: " “Why is it that I scare you so much?" I raised my eyebrow. "Why is my idolized figure incapable of weakness, incapable of sexual desire for someone of the same sex? Were all super heroes always white, straight males you suppose? But I tell you my feelings and you fear me for them. "

I forget if I told you, but I go to an art college and am studying to be an illustrator, and in class we had a very similar discussion about super heros(because that's mostly what we draw, haha) and how they are mostly the same..."white, straight males." I loved how you looked past that and have noticed that not all heros, in real life, are like that, that "real life heros" have flaws and weaknesses and have possibly done things that would make a person frown upon them. Well, yeah, that's just what I noticed.

Again, great use of vocabulary, haha! I love it when people use big words in fanfics :D Great use of extreme detail and description. One really feels...horrified while reading. I know that I can definitely feel Goku's anxiety and fear toward this whole situation and you pull it off nicely. So....great stuff, as usual.

I just read chapter 2, and all I can really say is. . . geeze have I missed this story! I've been reading Perfection and re-reading Strong Heart, however neither of them hold that little place in my heart that the Monster series has. So I'm happy to read this new chapter! Now usually sequels aren't up to snuff with orignals. So I'm always a little edgy about sequels but here I am sitting down to Monster 2 and I'm just as fascinated with your writing style as always. I have to stop once in a while and just read out loud a line here or there that I find so delisiously amusing! I have high expectations that this will be every bit as good as the original.
w00t