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for Tinkerbell

by Brightside

person Dlady
schedule November 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You're a Genius. I swear. Great story ^^
person Aurelie
schedule November 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
*snickers* Ha! Tinkerbell! *snickers some more*
schedule September 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this story is awesome. i just love it. do you think u'll be continuing it by chance? its just perfect, perfect. would just love to read more. great job
person pun_xy
schedule September 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Bwahahahaha! Edo is Tinkerbell! God, I can't get any air!
And then this:
"Gulliable – maybe not as much as he hoped.
Sweet – Pfft, yeah right.
Young – He wasn’t pedophilic, and 14 was pushing the limit a bit.
Girl – He didn’t need to answer that, really."
This was awesome!

person Kumiko
schedule September 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i like this story. its cute! Tinkerbell... id never think to call Ed that. lol. write more!!
person Earendel
schedule September 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Did you just call Ed a fairy?
Hou, I knew some one would eventually.
person cm34
schedule September 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
issues honey big time but good
person BrucesGirl
schedule September 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really should write a Scar/Roy fiction for you... So we can both pant and take cold showers. lol

This was really really cute. I love your style of pauses and punctuation, and I think that this was a feel good, fluffy kind of fiction.

A couple of pointers, love. I know when we RP that there isn't much formating to speak of, but in stories, it's very important. The human mand thinks in spaces, and if there is no spaces between paragraphs to signal a change of thought, it makes the story run in together way too muc.

Also, description is a huge thing for me...of course you notice that in any of my stories. And in the way that I RP.

Consider these sentences:

Roy fucked Ed.

Compare:
Roy drove himself into Edward's quivering body while the boy dragged his fingers across the officer's muscled, lithe back, his own hips rolling up into each thrust.

Description and clarity defines the regular authors from the REALLY good authors. And I know you have it in you to be one of the best in this section.

Great oneshot! I loved it! ;) KakashixIruka forever!

Ja ne, Bright-chan!

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