rate_review Reviews

oh, I am so loving this story so far! I wonder how they're gonna keep that whole Velari and Kakarott sex scene from Vegeta. I cannot wait for the next chapter! please update soon!

Hey, that was a NICE chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMUTTY SEX!
But Vegeta will be reeeeeealy pissed when he´ll find out.
That´s gonna be very promising.
I wait impatiently for the next chapter.

kuroineko

Wow... that was very hot. I really liked the turn of events... well things were pointing to it, but the sex was just amazing(acting as if it were me). Everything was described perfectly. I was actually expecting Vegeta to bust in there and beat Velari to near death and then take Goku, but then again he was getting yelled at. Ahh, a pissed off Bardock, nothing sexier. Things I get away with for being gay... well I might just have to email you those things. Well anyways great job on this chpater, oh and I was wondering what happened to D&Y but that was cleared up so thanks.

Your country raised friend,
Guice

really good story, well written ... i really like the plot up to now ... tho didnt like kakarotts first time not being with vegeta .. just seems wrong .. :( . hopefully will get better .. great story .. update asap! :)

Another very nice chapter. I didn't expect Velari to be the one to take Kakarott's virginity. Interesting, I'm curious how Vegeta will react. *snickers* Actually, you're bringing up some very valid points considering the name-issue. You're right - it's annyoing as well to have every subject replaced by strange synonyms. One of the weirdest ones I've ever seen in a fic was "the lilac-haired man from the future" as a synonym for Mirai Trunks. *shudders* I think, as with most things especially in writing, moderation does the trick. Using names, pronouns and a few simple synonyms in varied constellations is probably the best way to go. My personal writing-goddess in that and many other regards is Xero-Sky - you probably know her work. She's got the flow of the text perfectly in sync with the athmosphere and the action. Anyways, I'm rambling. Please do continue - I'm looking forward to seeing this story progress.

well it seems taht Vegeta has finally come to his bloody senses....too late now though. Velari got there first....so twisted! i love it!

wow very hot..i have been waiting for velari to do what his brother wont do

I'm very fond of this story. One thing you might want to keep an eye on is the heavy use of names as subject of a sentence. I.e. "“Wrap your tail back,” Velari noted softly. He noticed Kakarott’s face heat up, then the tail came to wrap back tightly around Kakarott’s torso. Kakarott quickly sat down, squirming uncomfortably." Thise seems as if there are three different persons present, all named Kakarott, who are all separately doing these things. Much better would be: "“Wrap your tail back,” Velari noted softly. He noticed Kakarott’s face heat up, then the tail came to wrap back tightly around the younger saiyan’s torso. He quickly sat down, squirming uncomfortably." Can you see the difference? I find it to be slightly annoying to read the same name more than once in one sentence or too often in a row of sentences. Other than that I really enjoy this story though, and I'm looking very much forward to how Vegeta will react to the new situation. I just love a bit of Kakarott-torturing.. *smiles*

Hello chayron,
yesssss, that was a good start for the smutty sex and for Vegeta to get a nice thrashing. ^^
This new events are very interesting, Vegeta didn´t do anything against Kakarott when provoked. Maybe he warmed up to him at least?
And I would like to read more about Vegeta´s history, in this story there is no Freaser, right? So there had to be something, or is he an ass by nature? (he, he?)

kuroineko

wow norhing is ever easy for kakarott