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March 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Some people just shouldn't be allowed to cook. :)
And yet another wonderful plot twisting chapter... yeah!!! Can't wait to see what happens next. Corruption and deceit all around and our heros are stuck in the middle. I am at the edge of my seat here!!
And yet another wonderful plot twisting chapter... yeah!!! Can't wait to see what happens next. Corruption and deceit all around and our heros are stuck in the middle. I am at the edge of my seat here!!
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March 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Moving right along nicely. I think you update very regularly, and quickly. I'm always glad to see a enw chapter.
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March 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm Back!! Apologise for my absent review concerning the previous chapter, but i didnt finish reading it until awhile ago. After reading the first part of 27 it was like floating on a fluffy little cloud, roy and ed were so cute, then i scrolled down and realised there was no more of them in the chapter :O so i just decided to wait until the next chapter came out before i read the second half. It had such a small amount of roy/ed i would hav been too busy being angry at that to enjoy reading about the furthering of the ACTUAL plot as such :)
My commendations on chapter 28, i didnt notice any wayward grammer mistakes or anything, yeah you! Roy and ed continue to have me *squeeee*ing with happiness. glad there was more of them this chapter :) Dont get me wrong, i def also like the whole suspense: 'who's the real villian? who's framing who and when is everyone's secrets gonna come out?' thing, is just when it took more than 3 quarters of the chapter away from roy/ed it make mina sad :( lol
Hmmm, what else? Oh! the whole domestic scene towards the end with the little impish Wrath was too sweet. And Ed with the feeeeeeling he'd never felt before *faints dead away* It was all too lovely :D
Sad to heard its approaching the end *sheds a tear* but very excited to see what will come before that sad day :) :) :) KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!
My commendations on chapter 28, i didnt notice any wayward grammer mistakes or anything, yeah you! Roy and ed continue to have me *squeeee*ing with happiness. glad there was more of them this chapter :) Dont get me wrong, i def also like the whole suspense: 'who's the real villian? who's framing who and when is everyone's secrets gonna come out?' thing, is just when it took more than 3 quarters of the chapter away from roy/ed it make mina sad :( lol
Hmmm, what else? Oh! the whole domestic scene towards the end with the little impish Wrath was too sweet. And Ed with the feeeeeeling he'd never felt before *faints dead away* It was all too lovely :D
Sad to heard its approaching the end *sheds a tear* but very excited to see what will come before that sad day :) :) :) KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!
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March 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oooh, I like the plot...Scar trying to protect his girlfriend and still do his job at the same time adds a lot of awesome tension :) And Hakuro is such a dick!
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March 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Alien: *dun dun dun* and the plot thickens. I love the chapter hate the ending but I gues thats the best you an do. Oh well, updates on my situation. The nosebleed thing, well I and a very still disgruntled Roy would be hurt if you stopped lemons. (Eds still angry with him) Well, Envy got hit when he was teasing Roy obout his situation with Ed and well...
I said Ed is PmSing still and Envy chimed in saying that he was probably preganant. OMFG you should have seen Roy's face. Well before hes fainted. Envy's poking him with a stick to see if he alive or died of a heart attack.
Envy: Hey, CHECK THIS! If I poke him in his stomach his hands come up and if I hit this...*thwacks Roy's knee and the man howls before going back unconscious*
*Ed shouts angrily from other room*
Ed: STOP THAT RACKET!!!!!
Envy:...*smirks* That happens
Alien:Okayyyyyy...WELL UPDATE PLEASE I WAITING!!
I said Ed is PmSing still and Envy chimed in saying that he was probably preganant. OMFG you should have seen Roy's face. Well before hes fainted. Envy's poking him with a stick to see if he alive or died of a heart attack.
Envy: Hey, CHECK THIS! If I poke him in his stomach his hands come up and if I hit this...*thwacks Roy's knee and the man howls before going back unconscious*
*Ed shouts angrily from other room*
Ed: STOP THAT RACKET!!!!!
Envy:...*smirks* That happens
Alien:Okayyyyyy...WELL UPDATE PLEASE I WAITING!!
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March 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Did I like Tokyo Drift? Uh, hell yeah!! w00t! It rocked! WOW!! It was so cool the way those guys made those cars move like that. It was almost like the cars could dance the way they move in sync like that! I'd love to see drifting in real life! ;)
I was really surprised that Ed and Roy didn't spend the rest of the night together. I mean, seriously, they'd been wanting each other for so long that one would think they wouldn't want to be separated from one another so soon after finally hooking up. But, whatever. Guess they wanted to work thru this gradually and make it last! :) Hey, I just realized something. Roy dropped Ed off at 2 am and Scar called Ed at 4:30 am. Ed was still awake and perky two and half hours after leaving Roy. *grins* And Ed was complaining that he wouldn't get any sleep if he'd stayed at Roy's place! ;) Silly man! That was two and half hours that could have been spent "enjoying Roy's company" (i.e. getting his freak on!)!! LOL!!
Ah! the cops vs the mafia! nice! By the way, from the way you describe it, I believe that Hakuro's title/rank is Commissioner. Roughly speaking, police rankings from lowest to highest are as follows: Officer, Detective, Sergeant, Lieutenant, Captain, Deputy Inspector, Inspector, Deputy Chief, Assistant Chief, Chief, Deputy Commissioner, Commissioner. Not every police department will have all these ranks because of the wide variety and needs of state and local police forces. It's a really complicated subject and I could be totally wrong since Amestris is a military based nation. But, Commissioner sounds good for Hakuro! :)
Snake-Circle. It seems odd that the police wouldn't know that the Ouroboros were called "Ouroboros". With Scar's FBI connections, they should at least know that. They might only know about the front companies the Ouroboros own (What good syndicate doesn't have several fronts thru which to launder their dirty money? :D) and nothing about their illegal activities but they should know their name. I guess all the local snitches are too scared of them to say anything. I'm kinda mad at Scar for wanting to use Ed like this. There's gonna be so much hell to pay when he realizes/remembers that Ed and Envy are half brothers. Whoa. I didn't know that Roy had almost beat a man to death! crucial!
Update soon!
Koneko =^.^=
P.S. Glad you like my notes! I try to help if I can. I'm surprised that you've never taken an English class before. Not counting the random typos and odd word here and there, you write really well! Sorry about your bad week and sad to see that "the story is speeding toward its end and there is just one road left." Ah, all good things must come to an end. :(
I was really surprised that Ed and Roy didn't spend the rest of the night together. I mean, seriously, they'd been wanting each other for so long that one would think they wouldn't want to be separated from one another so soon after finally hooking up. But, whatever. Guess they wanted to work thru this gradually and make it last! :) Hey, I just realized something. Roy dropped Ed off at 2 am and Scar called Ed at 4:30 am. Ed was still awake and perky two and half hours after leaving Roy. *grins* And Ed was complaining that he wouldn't get any sleep if he'd stayed at Roy's place! ;) Silly man! That was two and half hours that could have been spent "enjoying Roy's company" (i.e. getting his freak on!)!! LOL!!
Ah! the cops vs the mafia! nice! By the way, from the way you describe it, I believe that Hakuro's title/rank is Commissioner. Roughly speaking, police rankings from lowest to highest are as follows: Officer, Detective, Sergeant, Lieutenant, Captain, Deputy Inspector, Inspector, Deputy Chief, Assistant Chief, Chief, Deputy Commissioner, Commissioner. Not every police department will have all these ranks because of the wide variety and needs of state and local police forces. It's a really complicated subject and I could be totally wrong since Amestris is a military based nation. But, Commissioner sounds good for Hakuro! :)
Snake-Circle. It seems odd that the police wouldn't know that the Ouroboros were called "Ouroboros". With Scar's FBI connections, they should at least know that. They might only know about the front companies the Ouroboros own (What good syndicate doesn't have several fronts thru which to launder their dirty money? :D) and nothing about their illegal activities but they should know their name. I guess all the local snitches are too scared of them to say anything. I'm kinda mad at Scar for wanting to use Ed like this. There's gonna be so much hell to pay when he realizes/remembers that Ed and Envy are half brothers. Whoa. I didn't know that Roy had almost beat a man to death! crucial!
Update soon!
Koneko =^.^=
P.S. Glad you like my notes! I try to help if I can. I'm surprised that you've never taken an English class before. Not counting the random typos and odd word here and there, you write really well! Sorry about your bad week and sad to see that "the story is speeding toward its end and there is just one road left." Ah, all good things must come to an end. :(
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March 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i can't wait for jenny's punshiment. i'm just surprised winry hasn't dragged roy out by the ear and force him to buy a wedding ring for ed XD i can see her doing that
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March 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It's kinda neat the way the dots are connecting in Scar's mind. I'm glad that you update so frequently.
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March 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Sorry I've been so negligent in reviewing this. It's really good, and I'm not a big the fast and the furious fan. I like that you're keeping the characters in familiar roles throughout this story, but giving them your own take using this storyline. Also, the most recent lemon in the car, very hot. (Reading over your stories, I still can't believe you're not a native English speaker. I've read so many stories written by people who grew up with the language that don't have the grasp on it you do). Keep going with this.
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March 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Another great chapter. I like how you used the dialogue between the officers to further and fill in the plot. While I love lemony goodness like everyone else, it is so much more fulfilling to read it within a story. Your story has good rhythm, tone and characterization. However, it is stuttered throughout with typos and spelling/grammar errors. Things easy to fix. Do you have a beta? Let me know if I can help. I am still an avid fan of this story and can't wait to see Jenny get what's coming to her! Please keep up the good work! You ROCK!