rate_review Reviews

Great story, I just love it. One of your best I'd say. It's Cute, comedic, angsty, hot and exciting all rolled into one, and weirdly enough everyone seems incharacter. Also love your speedy updates! Excellent work!

Ah! Two new chapters. You made my day! And so much angst and emotion. I was thinking things were going to be going smoother between the two of them, but I see quite a few major roadblocks have come in the way. I feel badly for both of them. Vegeta, being emotionally retarded, as you say, and Goku feeling rejected and hurt in such a personal way. I hope they work things out. They need each other, that much is clear. And I have a feeling, since Goku has had such a tempering on Vegeta's more ostentatious character traits, that when they finally form a committed, bonded relationship, those things that Vegeta fears about himself (his possessiveness, jealousy, etc.) will be reduced considerably.

Man, it’s been forever since I last reviewed, it’s going to take me a while to keep my comments up to date. ^^;;

Chapter 16:

First, I have a question. You said they won’t be allowed to use again the dragon balls. What about the Namekian balls? Would they be able to use them to return Goku to his former shape or are you going to leave him in this new body/age? I particularly would prefer him in this younger body. I think this form incite further the sense of protectiveness on Vegeta, which to me is a rather appealing trait. But I will like whatever your choice about this is, I’m just curious about it lol

Anyway, this chapter is full of wonderful details I’ve so enjoyed. The edgy Goku at the beginning was priceless. I could not stop smiling when I read the bit about Vegeta thinking over how their children would look like, and the same when they woke up the morning after, the way they act so relaxed and comfortable around each other, like a real couple enjoying their time together, the way they care for each other, Goku’s empathy, all worried about Vegeta’s pain and his need to alliviate the other man (the massage as so great! ) and Vegeta’s need to protect Goku. It’s like as if when they are together, just for a moment they got to forget the ordeal they are going through,. Thanks for giving us this delightful glimpse about how their day-to-day relationship will be; sweet touch. Until the irruption of the obnoxious Villa and then all of a sudden the cruel reality strikes, and he angst returns, I like how you take us through this rollercoaster of emotions.

I’m totally impressed with the way you described all the process of the heat, the physical changes of Goku, the mixed emotions as Vegeta’s sense of guilt and his growing desire, and Goku’s despair at his hard but fruitless fight against it and at the frightening prospect to -maybe-lose Vegeta‘s friendship when all is over. And the best of it all is the way Vegeta behaved through it, just tending to Goku’s welfare, just thinking of what the other needed, forgetting his own needs. And how he cleaned him after. As much as I love the wicked and bastard side of Vegeta, this chivalry, this gentleness he shows around Goku is simply delicious. You really thought about all the implications of this situation and handled all perfectly. Top notch work.

The sex was so full of angst and so hot all in one, ahaha after this I cannot wait for the good one when all is over ^.^
Vegeta is so resourceful, the tail thing was just incredible. Saiyan tails can be employed in very kinky ways but it’s something you rarely see in a story, which is a pity. So thank you, thank you, thank you for this.

Sorry again for my lateness in reviewing. I just have very few time for myself and employed most of it on working on my fic because I’m so slow I would never end, so that’s why I so rarely read anything as of late Damn how I envy how fast you can write.
(BTW, I have to post this on the club, but this chapter can’t go on DA -damn stupid rules- it’s OK with you if I skip this one and post from chapter 17? I could link to this one on the club’s journal . ) ^^;

You know I've never been comfortable with this pairing. But don't worry; this isn't going to be one of those 'you can't write about this' or 'this would never happen' reviews. Instead I want to congratulate you. Because between you, your story and the situations presented in it you have made this pairing work. I have followed your story for a little while now and been pleasantly surprised. This chapter (23) in particular made me laugh out loud.

The biting for one. This line:

‘Eight bruises, four head wounds, ten volley balls, and one Namekian later…’

was hilarious.

And yet though there was humour, there was also feeling. The ending of chapter 23 was a culmination yet also a beginning that composed many more questions.

I think the later chapters are better quality as far as the writing is concerned, but that is only natural. You have grown as a writer as the story has progressed. Perhaps one day you might consider returning to the beginning for some revising and rewriting.

I also wanted to mention head-hopping. For the most part you choose one POV for a scene and stick with it. There are however, instances in which you use two POVs within one scene without a scene break to signify this change. The rubber ring scene in chapter 22 is an example of this. The majority of the scene is from Vegeta’s POV, but there is an instance where Goku worries about others seeing this display. I don’t think you need to go back and change these instances throughout the story; I just wanted to make you aware that you were doing it. It can be harder for a reader to follow several POV in a scene, as it’s hard to conceive of leaping from one head to another. Hence the term head-hopping. It can be frowned upon should you ever consider submitting work for publication. In your case I’ll admit I found the hopping fairly smooth, as the characters are so familiar.

There is of course omniscient POV, which is an all-knowing narrator who tends to have his or her own POV as well as being able to invade those of others. However, I would pin your story more as a third person limited.

I hope this was helpful. I don’t review often because I like to have something useful to say.

Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next chapter.

Mhh.. okay, this is what I call serious wooing. But.. um.. *sweatdrops* This may sound strange, but can we get some more angst, too? *is an uncurable angst-addict* Please, don't hit me!

I think he'll have a bad hangover too. The first time you get drunk is the worst. But I liked how you threaded his drunkenness in with revealing certain thoughts about his relationship with Vegeta, which would have been more uncomfortable if not impossible to reveal under normal circumstances. And the whole beach scene with the water fight and violent volley ball match were hilarious.

YES! I finally caught up! X3
The last two times I tried to visit, AFF was down. The entire thing with Goku and Vegeta getting colds was hilarious; and Goku giving him the cough syrup just to shut him up. XD That stuff really does knock you out fast.

I really am enjoying the beach scenes (especially as outside its still barely in the 50's) and I loved the whole idea of Vegeta getting Goku drunk and Goku not being able to hold the alcohol. The water-ride part was fun to read. :3

I have this favorite'd on FireFox so I don't miss any future updates like I did last time. Wonderful story, I can't wait for more.

"Eight bruises, four head wounds, ten volley balls, and one Namekian later," - XD ! I don't know why that makes me giggle so much..

kay, its late so I cant really go into full detail of why I loved this chapter...but I think you know all the reasons I did. x3

The drunk Goku was so cute, hehe.

Doodles. They're coming. KEEP WRITING! You're on a roll! ..of course, get better too! Don't want you being sick. -:: Nuzzle. ::-

I really liked this fluffy chapter! They really deserved to be happy!

... and Vegeta and Picollo playing Volleyball ... I bet the white of the ball fitted well with Piccolos green skin *lol*

Thanks very much for updating again so soon. But get better soon!! Being ill sucks *hands you a cup of tea*

This is a fascinating story - I like the idea of their being able to start all over again, almost, giving them a chance to learn about each other. I'm also enjoying the way you're slowly developing the relationship between Vegeta and Goku. So many people tend to rush into that, without giving much thought to how they end up together. You're making it seem quite natural, with a mix of hurdles and small triumphs, which lends it a very believeable air.

Now that the drama of the scientist and testing seems to be over, I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for the rest of the story.