rate_review Reviews

For a first attempt at writing a sexual encounter you have done a very good job of portraying the characters' problems with distancing themselves from the expected work persona as they begin shifting into a more intimate relationship. You did have a few errors in word choices in this tale, but not to a bothersome extent. I like how you entered in details to ground this particular one shot in a place my imagination could work with to bring it to life while reading. My only real suggestion would be to stay with one character's point of view so that the reading does not get jarred as often. Perhaps even doing one person's perspective for half of the tale, then shifting to the other person's perspective for the other half. Then again, I admit that shifting points of view in rapid succession tends to inhibit my ability to enjoy the scene as I have to bounce between characters. Otherwise, you have done a very nice job of making this a nice reading story in spite of the character POv shifts. Thanks for sharing this with the rest of us. Keep writing and good luck in future endeavors. I hope my suggestion will come in handy at some future date.

just wanted to say- yer awesome, i read shower of affection and now am flitting through the rest of yer stuff

This story is not bad at all. I would like to see where this can go.

...your awarded 10 internets for your story yay!
J-chan

At first I thought this was going to be a one or two shot but I can see it as a longer work. Sometimes I think those two should just have sex and not talk. They always miscommunicate and then argue. I think the only real time they communicate is when they are having sex. Still...they are my favorite FMA pairing. I hope they work out this communication problem. Al is very astute. Those two are not going to keep anything from him. He may not mention what he surmises but he still picks up on everything going on.

I cannot wait for the dinner with Ed, Al, and Roy. That is going to be one interesting dinner party.

I forgot to mention that I loved the interaction between Ed and Al. Classic Elrics.