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August 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Goten surprised me in the beginning of the chapter. I never thought he'd be so...I dunno...like VEGETA. Lol. Wanting to punch someone because they were pissing him off. But we've all had bosses like THAT. Poor Goten, he just doesn't seem to be having much luck. Life really is handing him a basket of rotten eggs, isn't it?
I loved, loved, loved the parts with Gohan and Goten. Their brotherly relationship was always so touching in the series and some people completely throw it out the window in stories like this. I'm glad you didn't. Gohan is a really great brother, being there for Goten in his time of need. Even cleaning up his apartment a little, what a guy! If only I could get MY brother to clean up my place...my roommates would work too but ha! Anyway, I thought it was funny how Gohan was badmouthing Videl's cooking. I suppose, from what I've seen of her, she WOULDN'T be a very good cooker. Lol.
I suppose Gohan HAS gotten a better deal in life than Goten, but I think Gohan has been through more than Goten and Goten didn't always have ChiChi in his ear about studying :P I think Gohan's been through more trauma than Goten though so I don't think it's fair for Goten to think he's always got it the worst.
I know there were a few things I noticed wrong with this chapter grammatically but I can't remember what they all were. The only thing I can remember is there was a part where "breath" should've been "breathe".
Another wonderful chapter!
Love always,
Tabz
I loved, loved, loved the parts with Gohan and Goten. Their brotherly relationship was always so touching in the series and some people completely throw it out the window in stories like this. I'm glad you didn't. Gohan is a really great brother, being there for Goten in his time of need. Even cleaning up his apartment a little, what a guy! If only I could get MY brother to clean up my place...my roommates would work too but ha! Anyway, I thought it was funny how Gohan was badmouthing Videl's cooking. I suppose, from what I've seen of her, she WOULDN'T be a very good cooker. Lol.
I suppose Gohan HAS gotten a better deal in life than Goten, but I think Gohan has been through more than Goten and Goten didn't always have ChiChi in his ear about studying :P I think Gohan's been through more trauma than Goten though so I don't think it's fair for Goten to think he's always got it the worst.
I know there were a few things I noticed wrong with this chapter grammatically but I can't remember what they all were. The only thing I can remember is there was a part where "breath" should've been "breathe".
Another wonderful chapter!
Love always,
Tabz
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August 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Lots of stuff happened in this chapter. At first I was glad that Gohan's little talk with him before had helped him somewhat but it seems as if more problems keep on popping up for our poor main character.
As for the birthday celebration, I enjoyed it because I've always loved when everyone gets together and tries to be like normal friends. Of course ChiChi would be the only one to be completely overdramatic about Goten's lack of communication with them. But that's just like her isn't it. She means well ^^
Gohan really is a great brother to go through all that work just so he could help Goten get somewhere in life. Night classes sounded like a good plan to me. I still can't believe Goten wants to be a teacher ^^ That's really awesome. Following in his big bros footsteps :D It's funny how some of the world's strongest fighters are turning into nerds. Hahahaha. But then again, Goten never really was interested in fighting was he? Well I mean after the Buu saga all he seemed to care about was talking on the phone with girls o.O
As for the ending...what the hell? He just passed up the most perfect opportunity ever! It was there, presented to him like so many bright and colorful flowers and he turns it down? Well I suppose he had a good reason to do it. Maybe it would've just made things more awkward or something. At least things seem to be looking up for the two friends. But we all know more bad stuff is going to happen :(
Grammatically speaking, the only thing's wrong that I can remember with this chapter are things I've already pointed out :)
Four chapters read! Still liking the story :D
Love always,
Tabz.
As for the birthday celebration, I enjoyed it because I've always loved when everyone gets together and tries to be like normal friends. Of course ChiChi would be the only one to be completely overdramatic about Goten's lack of communication with them. But that's just like her isn't it. She means well ^^
Gohan really is a great brother to go through all that work just so he could help Goten get somewhere in life. Night classes sounded like a good plan to me. I still can't believe Goten wants to be a teacher ^^ That's really awesome. Following in his big bros footsteps :D It's funny how some of the world's strongest fighters are turning into nerds. Hahahaha. But then again, Goten never really was interested in fighting was he? Well I mean after the Buu saga all he seemed to care about was talking on the phone with girls o.O
As for the ending...what the hell? He just passed up the most perfect opportunity ever! It was there, presented to him like so many bright and colorful flowers and he turns it down? Well I suppose he had a good reason to do it. Maybe it would've just made things more awkward or something. At least things seem to be looking up for the two friends. But we all know more bad stuff is going to happen :(
Grammatically speaking, the only thing's wrong that I can remember with this chapter are things I've already pointed out :)
Four chapters read! Still liking the story :D
Love always,
Tabz.
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August 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Don't do it, Goten! Shinji is a creeper!
Seeing that this story was updated brightened my whole day. Keep up the great work!
Seeing that this story was updated brightened my whole day. Keep up the great work!
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August 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Arr... For some reason, it took several tries of clicking on the story for the review link to come up, more that likely, it's just my crappy dial-up service, but still annoying enough. *sighs* I'm sure that's not what you want to hear about though.
This chapter was kind of a shock to me. I certainly didn't expect it to end on that note of an apology to Trunks. After all, it had been Trunks who was the one cruel enough to walk away without completely hearing through what Goten had to say. I was slightly surprised that the time jump, but that was understandable as well. Glad to know that Goten at least was thinking about trying to straighten things out. Your OC was sort of a surprise as well. I think it's amusing to see Goten interact with someone who knows how he feels when it's not someone in the story that you expect it to be. Good emotional torment written for the play between the two.
It's good to see that you've updated again. ^_^ I'll be looking forward to seeing what comes out of the intense emotions that have both Trunks and Goten running on stressed tension. It's good to know that you don't want to write something with a sad ending. That gives me hope that Trunk and Goten will eventually have their blissful reunion sometime in the distant future. I like happy endings as well. This one seems so much more real with the play of emotions going through the troubles that would actually tear a relationship apart, and working with the characters into such realistic portrayals of them.
Sorry if the long review was annoying... I tend to let things get away from me when I'm going through a story I really like. :P
This chapter was kind of a shock to me. I certainly didn't expect it to end on that note of an apology to Trunks. After all, it had been Trunks who was the one cruel enough to walk away without completely hearing through what Goten had to say. I was slightly surprised that the time jump, but that was understandable as well. Glad to know that Goten at least was thinking about trying to straighten things out. Your OC was sort of a surprise as well. I think it's amusing to see Goten interact with someone who knows how he feels when it's not someone in the story that you expect it to be. Good emotional torment written for the play between the two.
It's good to see that you've updated again. ^_^ I'll be looking forward to seeing what comes out of the intense emotions that have both Trunks and Goten running on stressed tension. It's good to know that you don't want to write something with a sad ending. That gives me hope that Trunk and Goten will eventually have their blissful reunion sometime in the distant future. I like happy endings as well. This one seems so much more real with the play of emotions going through the troubles that would actually tear a relationship apart, and working with the characters into such realistic portrayals of them.
Sorry if the long review was annoying... I tend to let things get away from me when I'm going through a story I really like. :P
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August 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Loved the latest chapter, so full of angst and depression, but it was written with the sense that it was more realistic than what anything having had jumped straight to the physical part of the relationship could be. I'm thankful that you updated this story. It certainly is a well done Gt/Tr. I hope I get to see another update of it soon.
The OC was nice insert. You don't have that way that the main character is instantly attracted to the OC in any way, though it was funny to read how Goten's thought about the guy hitting on him was slightly enjoyable because no one had taken interest in him before. I can certainly see the guy being at the park in the next chapter to see how Goten takes that in stride. It's an interesting twist on the mix, and the fact that he has a gift to help people in such a fashion, might just prove helpful for our dear heart broken demi.
The OC was nice insert. You don't have that way that the main character is instantly attracted to the OC in any way, though it was funny to read how Goten's thought about the guy hitting on him was slightly enjoyable because no one had taken interest in him before. I can certainly see the guy being at the park in the next chapter to see how Goten takes that in stride. It's an interesting twist on the mix, and the fact that he has a gift to help people in such a fashion, might just prove helpful for our dear heart broken demi.
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August 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hm. Very involved, very intense chapter. Not at all disappointed—just a little shaken. I love how introspective and insightful Goten is. But Trunks... while I know he's spoiled and something of an emotional disaster, I'm alarmed at his tongue. His temper and pride are understandable, but his lack of tact is shocking. It has been, all along, but it's so much more cutting in this session, now that their feelings have been dragged (at least partway) into the open. He's rude, crude, and I don't see how anyone could possibly believe that that sort of language is the way to coax another person into seeing things his way. I would be TERRIBLY offended if Goten even CONSIDERED him if he couldn't get a handle on that. That's NO WAY to talk to someone you love, no matter how frustrated you are. WAY TO THROW OIL ON THE FIRE, TRUNKS. /...breathe.
Shinji has been introduced EARLIER than expected? Um, wow. Last chapter, I was getting the sense that we were approaching at least the beginning of a resolution. At least some talking. I'm a little afraid to think of how long this is actually meant to be and whether or not my heart can take it. XD; Oh please, oh please let Trunks hurry up and pull his head out. He puts a hurtin' on me, and he's not even MY best friend. Good luck, Goten! *pompoms*
Shinji has been introduced EARLIER than expected? Um, wow. Last chapter, I was getting the sense that we were approaching at least the beginning of a resolution. At least some talking. I'm a little afraid to think of how long this is actually meant to be and whether or not my heart can take it. XD; Oh please, oh please let Trunks hurry up and pull his head out. He puts a hurtin' on me, and he's not even MY best friend. Good luck, Goten! *pompoms*
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August 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I registered just to review this! :) Granted I did try to once before but it didn’t work until now.
‘but I’m trying to show that there is more to getting involved with a relationship involving intimacy then letting passions take hold of reason, something which Goten understands even though it might mean losing the friend he loves.’
That’s an excellent point and I greatly admire the realism about the whole thing. The misunderstandings, the issues about life being a bitch but not doing anything about it – it’s just like real life: complicated.
I greatly enjoy reading Goten’s POV and like the description. It’s so easy to read and understand, and it has a lot of truth.
I especially found myself nodding to and identifying with everything about being afraid to take risks and self-esteem and lack of friends/social-ness…pretty much all of Goten’s problems (except the relationship issues with Trunks).
Very realistic and it actually gave me some hope – although I don’t have someone like Gohan to make me get my butt in gear/inspire me, but I did feel for a while that even I could get into college (despite being broke and low self-esteem).
As well, the anger from both Goten and Trunks came across as realistic as well. And misunderstandings/misconstruing. That happens in any interaction at some point, but especially when you’re going through hard/stressful times.
I like how you’ve dealt with the ‘life’ issues and the dealing off (or not) of taking care of yourself and how it can go wrong. I can understand it quite well, as I’m going through it – it’s interesting to see how the boys deal with it.
I like how Goten goes running – I’d like to do that myself (not only for the exercise, but to get outside more because at his point I think I go out…0-1 times a month – yes, in a month, and I am a huge procrastinator because I’m scared of taking risks and also fear of failure or even succeeding). Right, there’s my whole life story, sorry. XD;;
Lastly, I like the OC and am interested to read more of him.
Hehe, definitely came across as stalker type, and Goten was all ‘back away, do not want’.
But if he really does have some kind of empathy or something, I think it’ll be interesting to see how he’ll become a part of the story.
‘but I’m trying to show that there is more to getting involved with a relationship involving intimacy then letting passions take hold of reason, something which Goten understands even though it might mean losing the friend he loves.’
That’s an excellent point and I greatly admire the realism about the whole thing. The misunderstandings, the issues about life being a bitch but not doing anything about it – it’s just like real life: complicated.
I greatly enjoy reading Goten’s POV and like the description. It’s so easy to read and understand, and it has a lot of truth.
I especially found myself nodding to and identifying with everything about being afraid to take risks and self-esteem and lack of friends/social-ness…pretty much all of Goten’s problems (except the relationship issues with Trunks).
Very realistic and it actually gave me some hope – although I don’t have someone like Gohan to make me get my butt in gear/inspire me, but I did feel for a while that even I could get into college (despite being broke and low self-esteem).
As well, the anger from both Goten and Trunks came across as realistic as well. And misunderstandings/misconstruing. That happens in any interaction at some point, but especially when you’re going through hard/stressful times.
I like how you’ve dealt with the ‘life’ issues and the dealing off (or not) of taking care of yourself and how it can go wrong. I can understand it quite well, as I’m going through it – it’s interesting to see how the boys deal with it.
I like how Goten goes running – I’d like to do that myself (not only for the exercise, but to get outside more because at his point I think I go out…0-1 times a month – yes, in a month, and I am a huge procrastinator because I’m scared of taking risks and also fear of failure or even succeeding). Right, there’s my whole life story, sorry. XD;;
Lastly, I like the OC and am interested to read more of him.
Hehe, definitely came across as stalker type, and Goten was all ‘back away, do not want’.
But if he really does have some kind of empathy or something, I think it’ll be interesting to see how he’ll become a part of the story.
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August 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really love this story. XD Like, a lot.
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July 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ack! This story is enthralling, you must update it! *points ferally* do it.
Seriously, though, it's nice to read a relationship fic for a change instead of plain smut, I'm enjoying the depth you've afforded to your characters. The obliviousness and the way Goten/Trunks approach various situations are undoubtedly male characteristics (a rare touch in yaoi) and the POV is a nice touch; it's marbled with emotion and introspection, which is excellent. Also, the story is gritty and realistic, a far cry from the shiny 'OMG EVERYONE HAS MONEY' world that I've seen far too often, which I really like.
I can only think of one thing to say in terms of constructive criticism: I think that the emotional rollercoaster that Trunks and Goten are experiencing is bit too feminine - I understand the frustration coming from both boys, though males rarely construct such elaborate schemes to punish those that reject them, and rarely embrace subtlety. Your male characters are far more believeable and entertaining than in some other fics I've seen, but sometimes you go a tiny bit too far. Just a little thing.
Anyway I've rambled on enough. I really like this story and I hope you can find the time to continue it as you settle into your new home! :)
Seriously, though, it's nice to read a relationship fic for a change instead of plain smut, I'm enjoying the depth you've afforded to your characters. The obliviousness and the way Goten/Trunks approach various situations are undoubtedly male characteristics (a rare touch in yaoi) and the POV is a nice touch; it's marbled with emotion and introspection, which is excellent. Also, the story is gritty and realistic, a far cry from the shiny 'OMG EVERYONE HAS MONEY' world that I've seen far too often, which I really like.
I can only think of one thing to say in terms of constructive criticism: I think that the emotional rollercoaster that Trunks and Goten are experiencing is bit too feminine - I understand the frustration coming from both boys, though males rarely construct such elaborate schemes to punish those that reject them, and rarely embrace subtlety. Your male characters are far more believeable and entertaining than in some other fics I've seen, but sometimes you go a tiny bit too far. Just a little thing.
Anyway I've rambled on enough. I really like this story and I hope you can find the time to continue it as you settle into your new home! :)
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July 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This has to be the best Trunks/Goten story I've ever read! I love how natural you've made Goten's experience with accepting his sexuality. And Trunks out-of-controlness is so Vegeta-ish. ^o^ whoot! I hope you don't drop this story, and I REALLY hope that you finish it. Good job and good luck!