rate_review Reviews

Ah...very nice. Besides a few grammar errors here and there, I am anxious to see where this story goes. I love cute angsty Vegeta and I'm excited to see what happens when his power is unleashed. Good AU.

No, my worst nightmare has come true, they've mated. What will Goku do when he finds out? He'll be as devastated as I feel.

At least Brolli was gentle and wanted him to feel pleasure. Guess he really does love him. Nice to see Brolli plotting against his father. Hope he protects Vegeta against him more now.

Is it me or is Broly less insane than usual and he actually seems to care about Vegeta. Still don't believe he's good though. Hope the potion you mentioned can dissolve any bond he makes with Vegeta (still shuddering).

Looks like Vegeta is about to take another beating, will Kakarot sense it and rescue him? I was sure he would take Vegeta away when he hold him of Paragus's plans to mate him to Broly. Maybe he had no where to take him as he didn't think his father would approve.
Kakarot better hurry though as Vegeta's heat is almost upon him *bites nails*

I'm intrigued. Please update. I want Kakarrot to save Vegeta. It's sort of like a Cinderella story, and Vegeta's the Cinderella.

This is unique! I like it! Its the first of its kind that Ive read which is rare 'cause a lot of DBZ fics have the same themes.

Update soon, I really want to read more!

Sounds great Look forward to more of the story. :)

i was enjoying your story until i reached this point:
Vegeta is now 15 and Kakarotto 18 when i got to that point, i stopped buying what you're selling... vegeta is five years older than kakarott! that's canon!

from what i've seen... so far so good... but you really need to make that correction...

There are some unique interpretations of the characters and their situations here. I'd advise getting a beta-reader to look over your work; in a couple of cases, you changed from past to present tense (and back again) in the same paragraph. A good beta reader should pick that up for you before you post your work online.

I must say that I am a huge fan of the ideas and premises driving this story. The whole idea of reversing Vegeta and Goku's roles is something I've not really seen before. And, naturally, the mere mention of Broli instantly has my attention.

Unfortunately, I have to say that your prose needs tightening. There are instances where you change tenses mid sentence, mid paragraph; to me, at least, a lot of the diologue seems forced, like it's just there and lacking any form of emotion. However, the good thing is, since this is your very first fic, you have the entire world ahead of you in terms of improvement! As I said, the plot of your story is limitless in terms of its allurement; the nuts and bolts just need to be tightened.

I'd suggest doing what I did: find yourself a beta. A really good one. You'd be surprised how well your writing improves with every passing draft of the same chapter. Yeah, it can be annoying as hell and sometimes down right frustrating and upsetting, but the end result is always the same: awesome writing, awesome story!

It's a good start, Julesie. Now make it work harder for you! :)

I loved this story when I first read it on ff.net. kakarotto is the prince here, that is something innovative. vegeta has tail in his mouth ,this is just too cute. I look forward to see more.