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September 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I know, I know. I have not updated this story in forever. Let me explain...
I started school again in early September, and did not have time to work on the story any longer. Between my two majors, involvement in clubs, design work, my part time job, and the prelimary stuff in writing a real novel I haven't had time to think about it.
What is likely to happen is this: In December, maybe a little earlier, I will update the story. Each chapter will be updated to include better dialogue, more enthralling character interaction, and more seamless events. Then, I will add days 6, 7, and the epilogue.
This will be known as the "Fevered Dreams" edit. Until then, I wouldn't recommend reading this story. The main plot and characterization will remain, but you may want to review the changes later if you've the time and... you care enough to do it :P
I started school again in early September, and did not have time to work on the story any longer. Between my two majors, involvement in clubs, design work, my part time job, and the prelimary stuff in writing a real novel I haven't had time to think about it.
What is likely to happen is this: In December, maybe a little earlier, I will update the story. Each chapter will be updated to include better dialogue, more enthralling character interaction, and more seamless events. Then, I will add days 6, 7, and the epilogue.
This will be known as the "Fevered Dreams" edit. Until then, I wouldn't recommend reading this story. The main plot and characterization will remain, but you may want to review the changes later if you've the time and... you care enough to do it :P
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September 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This story is excellent! I haven't seen so many well-thought-out story lines come together so flawlessly since maybe the last episode of seinfeld aired, what, 10 years ago?? You are an awesome writer and I am literally on my knees begging for more! Where are Day 6 and 7??????? :-D
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September 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Whew, I finally finished this story. I'm not normally this slow a reader, but between school, updating my fic every day and reading a few other's, I tend to get slowed down quite a bit.
Anyway...what an intense story! I especially liked the explanation of the virus, that was very interesting, a bit hard to follow but still intriguing to read!
Your descriptions are rather well too, I enjoy reading the way some of your words just flow together and form together this rather intense and wonderful piece of writing. Some grammar mistakes do pull away from the actual enjoyment factor of the descriptions though. I used to beta a lot so my eyes immediately zero in on any mistake I see, nothing I can do about that though.
I like the overall plot line of this story, it's very clever and brilliant if I do say so myself. Like I said before (at some point) I don't normally read stories like this but yours is definitely an exception!
Can't wait to read and find answers to all the questions zooming around in my mind right now!
Great job, amazing work, wonderful story!
Love always,
Talitha.
Anyway...what an intense story! I especially liked the explanation of the virus, that was very interesting, a bit hard to follow but still intriguing to read!
Your descriptions are rather well too, I enjoy reading the way some of your words just flow together and form together this rather intense and wonderful piece of writing. Some grammar mistakes do pull away from the actual enjoyment factor of the descriptions though. I used to beta a lot so my eyes immediately zero in on any mistake I see, nothing I can do about that though.
I like the overall plot line of this story, it's very clever and brilliant if I do say so myself. Like I said before (at some point) I don't normally read stories like this but yours is definitely an exception!
Can't wait to read and find answers to all the questions zooming around in my mind right now!
Great job, amazing work, wonderful story!
Love always,
Talitha.
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August 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is not normally the type of story I read but since you were so kind to review my stories, I thought I'd return the favor. I like the idea of the story but I have to admit, there was something somewhat awkward about the way the first chapter was written. I can't quite place it but it didn't seem to flow right. I also noticed there were a few issues with grammar and some awkward description. That's not to say it was bad but a couple of times it seemed a little forced. I have this problem at times too.
I did, however, like the interactions between Dende and Piccolo and Trunks and Goten. Some of it was a little dramatic but pleasant nonetheless. I've never read a story with Dende and Gohan before but it certainly will be interesting. Dende's attraction to Gohan is a little unnerving to read, it almost seems like an obsession. That would definitely add a lot of tension to the story.
This is a rather complex story line, I can tell. You've certainly got talent if you're able to pull it off, which I have no doubt that you will. You seem to be a rather talented writer :D
I did, however, like the interactions between Dende and Piccolo and Trunks and Goten. Some of it was a little dramatic but pleasant nonetheless. I've never read a story with Dende and Gohan before but it certainly will be interesting. Dende's attraction to Gohan is a little unnerving to read, it almost seems like an obsession. That would definitely add a lot of tension to the story.
This is a rather complex story line, I can tell. You've certainly got talent if you're able to pull it off, which I have no doubt that you will. You seem to be a rather talented writer :D
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August 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was some complicated explanation for the Gyraida Virus. Not sure I quite followed it, but loved reading it. Android 10 seems even more regretful after he heard what Cell became, almost to the point of rejecting his programming.
Thank goodness Gohan finally got away from Dende. He's hardly the guardian of Earth anymore, letting it go to hell in a handbag just to satisfy his personal gravings. I wonder if there will be serious consequences for him later.
Suspected Chichi was dying of cancer, but was surprised you threw her a lifeline with Gohan being a possible donor. Now he's away from Dende that's a distinct possibility, but where does that leave Goku and Vegeta? Talking of which, where is Vegeta?
Your writing is so intense and descriptive it's like watching a film. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Thank goodness Gohan finally got away from Dende. He's hardly the guardian of Earth anymore, letting it go to hell in a handbag just to satisfy his personal gravings. I wonder if there will be serious consequences for him later.
Suspected Chichi was dying of cancer, but was surprised you threw her a lifeline with Gohan being a possible donor. Now he's away from Dende that's a distinct possibility, but where does that leave Goku and Vegeta? Talking of which, where is Vegeta?
Your writing is so intense and descriptive it's like watching a film. Can't wait for the next chapter!
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August 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
this story is beautiful!!!
You have brilliant plot. I am so hooked. I love the love triangles between picolo and dende and gohan. I especially love how you describe the relationship between goku and chichi after the affair. Don't get me wrong, I am a hard core kaka x vege fan. But most story turned chichi into a bully. I always think there are pletny feelings between them, esp from chichi's side, she love goku, in a hard way.
Anyway I am so intrigued. Vegeta must knew what is happening hence avoide goku. what would happy next? I so look forward to read more. Please update soon. oh, take your time too. Good thing takes time and I am patient. deep breath.
You have brilliant plot. I am so hooked. I love the love triangles between picolo and dende and gohan. I especially love how you describe the relationship between goku and chichi after the affair. Don't get me wrong, I am a hard core kaka x vege fan. But most story turned chichi into a bully. I always think there are pletny feelings between them, esp from chichi's side, she love goku, in a hard way.
Anyway I am so intrigued. Vegeta must knew what is happening hence avoide goku. what would happy next? I so look forward to read more. Please update soon. oh, take your time too. Good thing takes time and I am patient. deep breath.
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August 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow. This story is... STACKED. The intensity just never quits. D:
I am a little disappointed to learn that it's going to be wrapping up so soon. I've never thought I'd say something like that, before. I usually just want the point and resolution. But I cannot fathom how you're going to wrap this up in (possibly) three (or less) chapters--with the way things are going, it feels like we've only reached the halfway point of plot exposition. Likely, it'll be with a stupendous BANG. OMG SUPER CONCENTRATED EXPLOSION OF... awesome.
As you can see, you have blown my mind. Gigantic, rambling review complete with capslock abuse and no actual reaction to the chapter itself. Because I can't begin to think of what I want to glorify. Maybe all of it. Definitely all of it. It's perfect. I love your brain. Please keep writing. ♥
I am a little disappointed to learn that it's going to be wrapping up so soon. I've never thought I'd say something like that, before. I usually just want the point and resolution. But I cannot fathom how you're going to wrap this up in (possibly) three (or less) chapters--with the way things are going, it feels like we've only reached the halfway point of plot exposition. Likely, it'll be with a stupendous BANG. OMG SUPER CONCENTRATED EXPLOSION OF... awesome.
As you can see, you have blown my mind. Gigantic, rambling review complete with capslock abuse and no actual reaction to the chapter itself. Because I can't begin to think of what I want to glorify. Maybe all of it. Definitely all of it. It's perfect. I love your brain. Please keep writing. ♥
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August 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Amazing! I really enjoyed the myriad amounts of conflict in this chapter.Dende is just getting more clingy and Gohan is coming off as heartless now that I read chichi scene. This chapter was so depressing yet so deliciously good! Keep up the good work. only two more days to go.
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July 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Lovely long chapter with loads happening.
Android 10 is obviously glad he won't be absorbed by Cell, and he's questioning his programming but still going ahead with it, almost like he wants to be noticed and stopped, maybe he doesn't know what else to do. I'm wondering if he is still fully in control of the other androids though as they seem more interested in destroying than having the humans surrender, whereas he seems peaceful and serene.
Shocked at Dende sacrificing the planet in order to be with Gohan, seducing him and almost forcing him into sex to try to make Gohan love him. He is seriously deluded and Gohan needs to put him straight really soon as Dende is turning into a bunny-boiler!
Loved the Gogeta/Gotenks fight but was shocked at the outcome though it paved the way for the best bit of the chapter, Vegeta and Goku almost being fused after mind-blowing sex. Vegeta tried to fight against it, but Goku didn't fight at all hehe. Is Chichi dead and that's why Goku's power failed?
Gripping stuff, wonder what you've got for us next :)
Android 10 is obviously glad he won't be absorbed by Cell, and he's questioning his programming but still going ahead with it, almost like he wants to be noticed and stopped, maybe he doesn't know what else to do. I'm wondering if he is still fully in control of the other androids though as they seem more interested in destroying than having the humans surrender, whereas he seems peaceful and serene.
Shocked at Dende sacrificing the planet in order to be with Gohan, seducing him and almost forcing him into sex to try to make Gohan love him. He is seriously deluded and Gohan needs to put him straight really soon as Dende is turning into a bunny-boiler!
Loved the Gogeta/Gotenks fight but was shocked at the outcome though it paved the way for the best bit of the chapter, Vegeta and Goku almost being fused after mind-blowing sex. Vegeta tried to fight against it, but Goku didn't fight at all hehe. Is Chichi dead and that's why Goku's power failed?
Gripping stuff, wonder what you've got for us next :)
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July 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Awesome! This was a nice way to come home from camp and see an update... especially one so well written and epic! Keep up the great work.