rate_review Reviews

That chapter was really nice, at the end I was sighing contentedly XD

You certainly do have a way with describing things; it is truly a pleasure to read. I very much appreciate the update and eagerly await the next.

I like this story quite a bit. It's a very pleasant read (that's probably an understatement) and I can't wait for the next update (again with the understatement).

Ohohohooo! The mystery is clearing up! It was great to hear from you again, love. It was a wonderful chapter; there was humor and suspense and possessivness. All the right ingredients for a fabulous stew! The Hell Roy imagined for those whho lie to sweet, innocent Al was hilarious. I laughed so much there! And seeing the Colonel Bastard getting all pleased by Ed wearing his clothes made me cackle maniacally and rub my hands together with an alarmingly disturbing glint in my eyes. I honsetly can't wait for the next chapter! It's bound to prove more than a little interesting. Kisses for now, hon, and keep up the great work!

Yay! The ending of this chapter made me smile.
I can't wait for the next one. XD

I totally understand about the editing thing - I'm editing a bunch of old stories just because I have to and I HATE it. It' like pulling teeth with no novacaine, or, something like that. Anyhow - on to this story. You really come up with some imaginitive ways of putting things, like I loved this line: "Ed was a soul made of heat and beauty and wicked flames, and Roy never could resist the pull of fire." Perfect. The way Ed reacted to the cookies was cute and coyly sexy - it totally had sexual undertones, or maybe it was just my filthy mind:) I did get a bit lost in the cemetary scene. I had to read it twice to see that Ed left a nice little offering at the tombstone? In fact, I'm still a little confused. Tension in a story is a difficult thing - you have to build it and then maintain what you've built somehow and keep on building to the peak of the plot. I felt like this chapter lost some of the tension you so nicely built up in the last chapters. Just something to keep in mind for your new stuff. I still love the story and my interest is still held captive by it. So, where are those other chapters you've already written? :)

Congratulations are in order, I believe. You did an amazing job on this chapter, love. The tension is steadily building; there's s sense of urgency that Roy seems to be feeling and that is, through his thought processes, transferred to the reader too. And I really loved what you decided Ed should do for Hughes' grave. It was both original, and showed a greater debth to Ed's own character for having thunk of it. The interaction between Roy and our favorite blond alchemist is as fascinating as ever, though starting to get a teeny bit frustrating what with Ed walking away with 'I have to go' every time (I'm afraid I share Roy's sentiment when it comes to that). Keep it up; I'll be waiting anxiously for the next update. Kisses!

Howdy, sugar! I can honestly say I was ecstatic to see you'd added two whole chapters to this. I really enjoyed reading those, by the way. Things are progressing nicely so far, and with every following chapter, I get more and more involved with this story. I really love the interaction between Roy and Ed. I always find it fascinating when they take time to actually talk to each other instead of scream and yell and taunt. I will be looking forward to your next update. The plot is picking up delicious intensity, in my humble opinion! Kisses!

Damn it, he was so close to telling him.
I kept having to stop myself from looking down a few lines to see if Roy was making any progress. I really like this story, there are a few spelling mistakes and missed words but we all get that. For some reason you can never seem to find them all, I've read books that had managed to miss words in umpteen numbers of re-prints. Ah well that's the life of a writer I suppose.
Looking forward to the next chapter, I can't wait until they finally realise that they want each other. XD

First off, I don't review often, but when I do I like to give an actual critique - not because I want to flame someone, but becuase I like to help people become better writers. With that said, I must say this story is really, really good. I love the tension you've created between Roy and Ed. It's tangible. I feel it. You're very good at getting into Roy's head and the character's reactions to the events are believable. There are some things you can do to make it even better (no matter how good something is, it can always be better:) ) Scene setting - I'm getting a little lost on where the characters actually are sometimes until I've read a few lines. Like, is Roy sitting at his desk or is he standing at Riza's desk? What does he see around him? As writers, we need to move our characters around and describe their actions as well as their dialogue and thoughts (which you do well). You do describe some actions, but the characters don't seem to move around much. Scene setting isn't fun - I hate it, but it's necessary. Like, what type of day is it or what does a room look like? One thing on grammar popped out at me - some of your dialogue tag lines are not right. It's petty, but it can throw people off. The comma after dialog is only used when describing how someone says something, like: xxx," Roy said. or: xxx," Ed shouted as he ran down the street. Not: xxx," Ed blushed. I hope that makes sense. Anyhow, just some long-winded thoughts. I'm waiting maybe too impatiently for the next chapter:)