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August 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Very nicely-wrapped chapter; I liked how you settled things.
-First showing Vegeta's fascination for Goku through a -by the way, very good- fighting scene. I enjoyed greatly the fact that he acknowledges not only that he feels drawn to the other Saiyan because of his looks. I think is natural after how well they know each other and all the things they have gone through together that there are deeper feelings than a mere physical attraction.
I find more believable, Vegeta being the one ogling after Goku and not the other way around. Albeit he's no longer that teenager that didn't even know what marriage is, I firmly believe that even this more mature Goku keeps on being quite clueless about those kind of things.
-Then, the way you told about their current status, for some reason is very well integrated in the story and doesn't seem forced or unnatural, unlike most of the stories with this thing of GokuxCichi and VegetaxBulma not being a loving couple anymore. I was thinking though whether would be realistic or not, Goku leaving for good without any big excuse as another threat for the planet (like in the show); and I got to the conclusion that sooner or later he would admit to himself the precariousness of their marriage and would cut all the ties even if that meant to hurt Chichi. He's not meant to be in such kind of relationship. I think if Chichi would have treated him like an equal Goku wouldn't have fled all those times in the series. Chichi's dramatical change from that intrepid woman who defied him in the martial arts tournament to that bickering housewife and suffocating mother she became after their marriage had to be very impacting and, I suspect, scary for poor Goku ^.^
(My view about VegetaxBulma relationship differs greatly, though; but since it's a very personal opinion I have no qualms whatsoever about your particular take on it ;D )
-Finally, I liked how finely you started to knot the plot with Vegeta summoning the dragon (That banter was priceless. It seems that arrogant bastard here doesn’t know how to get his big mouth shut or to keep himself out of trouble XD )
"Goku's reading" part was priceless too. I also think he isn't dumb. But more than a premeditated thing, just not to scare his friends I think that the guy only gets focused , thus becoming a master, when something really catches his interest. He has the wits, simply chooses when to use them. Like for instance, that episode when he was learning how to drive a car. He was really clumsy, my guess about it: He really wasn't paying attention, not in a conscious way, because he wasn't interested; who could think possible that someone capable to learn and master much more difficult things and techniques would be just a dumb brainless? The proof came later, when those kids in the bus were in danger and he all of a sudden was an the bomb at the wheel (it's just a question of concentration, not of lack of intelligence, I think) Now I will stop of digressing (Sorry there, when it's about Goku I could go on forever ^^; )
Finally, about your English, not being either a native myself, all I can say is pretty good, better than mine for sure.
-First showing Vegeta's fascination for Goku through a -by the way, very good- fighting scene. I enjoyed greatly the fact that he acknowledges not only that he feels drawn to the other Saiyan because of his looks. I think is natural after how well they know each other and all the things they have gone through together that there are deeper feelings than a mere physical attraction.
I find more believable, Vegeta being the one ogling after Goku and not the other way around. Albeit he's no longer that teenager that didn't even know what marriage is, I firmly believe that even this more mature Goku keeps on being quite clueless about those kind of things.
-Then, the way you told about their current status, for some reason is very well integrated in the story and doesn't seem forced or unnatural, unlike most of the stories with this thing of GokuxCichi and VegetaxBulma not being a loving couple anymore. I was thinking though whether would be realistic or not, Goku leaving for good without any big excuse as another threat for the planet (like in the show); and I got to the conclusion that sooner or later he would admit to himself the precariousness of their marriage and would cut all the ties even if that meant to hurt Chichi. He's not meant to be in such kind of relationship. I think if Chichi would have treated him like an equal Goku wouldn't have fled all those times in the series. Chichi's dramatical change from that intrepid woman who defied him in the martial arts tournament to that bickering housewife and suffocating mother she became after their marriage had to be very impacting and, I suspect, scary for poor Goku ^.^
(My view about VegetaxBulma relationship differs greatly, though; but since it's a very personal opinion I have no qualms whatsoever about your particular take on it ;D )
-Finally, I liked how finely you started to knot the plot with Vegeta summoning the dragon (That banter was priceless. It seems that arrogant bastard here doesn’t know how to get his big mouth shut or to keep himself out of trouble XD )
"Goku's reading" part was priceless too. I also think he isn't dumb. But more than a premeditated thing, just not to scare his friends I think that the guy only gets focused , thus becoming a master, when something really catches his interest. He has the wits, simply chooses when to use them. Like for instance, that episode when he was learning how to drive a car. He was really clumsy, my guess about it: He really wasn't paying attention, not in a conscious way, because he wasn't interested; who could think possible that someone capable to learn and master much more difficult things and techniques would be just a dumb brainless? The proof came later, when those kids in the bus were in danger and he all of a sudden was an the bomb at the wheel (it's just a question of concentration, not of lack of intelligence, I think) Now I will stop of digressing (Sorry there, when it's about Goku I could go on forever ^^; )
Finally, about your English, not being either a native myself, all I can say is pretty good, better than mine for sure.
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August 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Awww.. I read this story long time ago this brought old memory back. I always think Vegeta is so obssessed in winning kaka for a reason. The sex scene was really hot. Mind you I was study that style trying to put in the scene of continuous story in the In-lar' anth. It was good written and fun, the style I love most. I am glad you decide to come back to fandom. :-)
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August 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG...Did Shenlong give Vegeta a pink tail? GAH! There is more to this, right?